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My partner in crime...<3

I remember always feeling an upset stomach. One time my sisters invited me to the movies, I felt terrible through out.. so nauseous. Never really paid attention to all of that. About a month later I took a pregnancy test with my boyfriend and it came out positive but I didn't believe it. A month later aftwe a regular doctors visit I found out I was indeed 16 weeks pregnant. I had to tell my parents who were upset but they eventually got over it. On my first ultrasound I was 18 weeks pregnant and I was totally fine and so was my baby Girl. &#9829;&#65039; After that , my boyfriend and I moved in together on October18,2014. On our first day living together I felt weird I had a weird instinct. I told him I thought I wasn't feeling my baby moving. He insisted on going to the doctor but it was a Sunday and I was too scared to go to emergencies. I cried a little and then went to sleep. That night I woke up around 2:30 to pee like I usually did. And I did I peed , but When I looked down, all I could see was Blood. Cold red blood. I was in disbelieve . I tried to wake up my boyfriend but he wouldn't even wake up. Then once he did he and my sister took me to the hospital where I was taken to the ER and the nurse told my baby was fine, she was moving, she had a heart beat and even though I was not having any contractions I had to get checked a little more. Unfortunately, my water was literally almost out. The nurse told me I was going into labor and That there was no way my baby would make it since she was only 21 weeks and 6 days. I remember feeling nothing. I was numb. I couldn't bealieve it. At about 12:45 pm on October 20,2014 I delivered Andrea Nicole Rodriguez Ortiz. Whom I love with all my heart. There is not one day That I don't think of you. I love you and I often imagine my life with you. Te amo mi amor. You taught me so much. Life won't ever be the same, you just gave me so much!!! In such little time.... I thank god for you and I thank you for making me a mother and for teaching me about the good and the bad... This was the best yet the worst that's happened to me. I love you and even though I can't see you, I know you're with me. Thank you for choosing me as your mother and for letting me be your home for those months. I won't ever forget you, and I just can't live the same anymore. You were my savior my one angel &#128519; my true and irrevocable love. Te Amo!

Mi bebé murió en los últimos

Rompí fuente a la 1:30 de la mañana, estaba muy emocionada y desperté a mi esposo con la buena noticia. Estabamso preparados y tranquilos. Fuimos al hospital. Cuando llegamos nos informaron que no tenían camas para atender mi parto. De todas formas nos dejaron quedarnos. Tenía 4 centímetros de dilatación y las contracciones eran muy fuertes. Como no tenían camas me dejaron en la sala de urgencias durante todo mi trabajo de parto. Tuve un poco de sangrado pero a nadie pareció preocuparle. Estuvimos ahí con mi esposo desde las 2 am hasta las 8 de la mañana, para ese entonces tenía 9 centimetros de dilatación y un dolor insoportable. En ese momento me pasaron a la sala de partos. Estuve dos horas más allí sufriendo los dolores. Apenas llegué me dijeron que pujara. Lo hice y el bebé no se movía. Me decían que tenía una inflamación en el cuello del útero y que no estaba completamente dilatada. Después, cuando eso pasó me dijeron que el bebé no había girado y me hicieron hacer algunas sentadillas para ayudar a mi pequeño para que se pusiera en posición. Finalmente logramos que se ubicara y yo seguía pujando pero nada. A las 10 de la mañana por fin estaba asomándose al canal de parto. Unos minutos antes le habían tomado sus pulsaciones y estaban bien. Pero cuando estaba en el canal de parto mis contracciones se hicieron muy cortas y luego se fueron. Me pusieron occitocina, pero no funcionó muy bien. En ese momento me encontraba agotada y empecé a disvariar un poco, me desmayé un segundo y me desubiqué, tampoco tenía fuerza suficiente para pujar y el dolor era insoportable. Me pusieron oxígeno. Tuvieron que hacerme una episiotomía y finalmente logré sacar al bebé. Lo pusieron sobre mi estómago y estaba quietico, no lloró. Lo consentí y le hablé. Escuché que dijeron que tenía el cordón enredado en el cuello. Y luego se lo llevaron a resucitarlo. Nadie quería decirme qué había pasado con él y supe que había muerto. En ese momento estaba muy debil. De tanto manipularme me dejaron toda inflamada y mal trecha. Una de las doctoras, la encargada, me preguntó que si quería que me hiciera una cesarea y yo le pregunté que si era necesario. Ella dijo que no, que todo estaba bien y que yo podía dar a luz al bebé. Pero en mi historia clínica pusieron todo en mi contra como si yo me hubiera negado a que me hiceran una cesarea. Querían que firmara un documento cuando estaba en la recuperación, pero no lo hice. Ahora estoy devastada, siento que tuve que pasar por toda una agonía física para entrar a otra peor, una agonía espiritual. Lo peor de todo ha sido recordar una y otra vez el parto tratando de enmendar lo que hice mal, lo que ellos hicieron mal. Siento que matamos a mi bebé, un bebé que estuvo perfectamente sano 9 meses y que murió en minutos.

Maria Camila

The Story of Braxtyn David Fuelling

The Story of Braxtyn David Fuelling, as told by your mommy
During the week of July 20th, your daddy and I participated in Vacation Bible School at Churubusco United Methodist Church. Each day, I prayed to have a baby boy. I was partially kidding, since we were not even trying to conceive. That week, I was expecting my period, yet, no period came. On Sunday, July 26th, 2015 we took a pregnancy test and the test was positive. I could not help myself but to be so extremely excited!
The next morning, we took a second test. Yet again, it was positive. I think this was when daddy began to become excited. Throughout the week, we got to work planning a reveal. On Thursday July 30th, we took Grandma Kristi, Grandma Sheri, and Grandma and Grandpa Fuelling to Olive Garden to tell them the big news. They were thrilled! We gave Grandma Carrie a countdown to baby and she loved it!
After dinner, we drove to Noblesville to tell Great Grandma Nicholls! She was very excited too! All who heard about your expected arrival were very happy and excited. We took pictures with your first pair of jeans and posted a big reveal on Facebook! Friends and family near and far were very excited for us.
On August 11th, I had my first appointment. We got confirmation of pregnancy, and mommy got her blood work done. I blacked out! But it was all worth it for you, Baby Braxtyn. On August 13th, we had our first ultrasound and we saw and heard your little heartbeat! I cried because it all suddenly became very real to me.
On August 15th, I was considered 8 weeks pregnant. Sadly, and unbeknownst to us at this time, this is all the further you would develop. On my 20th birthday, August 26th, I thought about how you were the only birthday present I needed this year.
On August 29th, I noticed some spotting and immediately started worrying. I was crying, and I was so sad. I read online that some bleeding was normal, but this did not seem like just anything to me. Call it a mother’s instinct, I guess.
That Monday, August 31st, I went to the doctor’s. The midwife tried to send me home, telling me I was fine but I insisted on having an ultrasound to be sure. My heart broke when the ultrasound technician left the room and came back with a doctor who I had never met before, telling me that you had no heartbeat, and that you had stopped developing at 8 weeks and 3 days. (FYI- I have never been told before that you were a boy, I just know it!)
Today, September 5th, at 6:01 a.m., I “gave birth” to you. That is not quite the right term, though, because you never got the chance to live. I am glad I was lucky enough to see you. We plan on buying a nice box to put you in, along with some of your memories and bury you at our new house.
Say “Hi” to Grandpa Steve for me, for you are named after him and he will take good care of you. Although we only knew of your existence for just over a month, we love you, Baby Braxtyn, and you will forever be in our hearts.

Ashley Fuelling

Confused

I don't know what to say at this point just so confused on what happened and why on June 8th 2015 I was 9 weeks and three days pregnant I hadn't been sick or feeling bad the heart beat was great at our last visit to the ob/ gyn I cramped all day I am not sure why i avoided it, i went to the bathroom at work at 4:22 noticed i had a lot of blood i rushed to the ER and i sat for two hours before they seen me in the wait of me setting i had blood all over me, when the doctor finially seen me he did a ultrasound and i had lossed the baby no DNC, i cant sleep at night i have nightmares about it, panic attacks. I am not a worrier i don't let things get to me but this has just mentally and physical killed me, the thought of me loosing my bby in the toilet is awful, i don't know if we will ever try again. I guess i am looking for someone that understands what i am going through because no one around me has ever had a miscarriage.

Amber

My sweet angel baby

Ideally, women don't plan on becoming pregnant before they graduate college. My entire life I've always wanted a baby. But I knew that it wasn't the right time because I wanted to be financially stable and ready to support my baby with no worries. I have been on birth control for the past 4 years, I thought I was on the right track.

On January 7th, I took a home pregnancy test. I had a feeling and I just knew I was pregnant for weeks but on January 7th those two little lines made it a reality for us. I cried for 5 minutes because I was scared of how it was gonna all work out, but the next 5 minutes were tears of joy. My boyfriend and I were shocked but not upset. We were ecstatic. We told our parents and had immediate support. That made us even more excited. We told our best friends and that was it. We were gonna wait until our first trimester was over to release it to all of our family and friends.

Two days later I went to my regular doctor and I got it medically confirmed. I was so excited. My dream was coming true, I was going to be a mommy. My Pinterest was blowing up with baby stuff (but that was nothing new, my baby board was my most pinned). I felt confident about my pregnancy. And I felt pretty dang lucky because I hadn't had a single "morning sickness" attack. My boobs hurt so bad, I had crazy mood swings and cravings, I was emotional 24/7 and I cried tears of happiness every time I thought of my baby. My life was coming together. I was taking prenatals and not lifting heavy things, I was taking care of myself for my sweet pea. My baby is all I cared about. My boyfriend and I were so excited.

I had even had two dreams about our baby. In the first dream, I was having a chunky baby girl. And in my second dream, I was having a gender reveal party for a precious baby boy. One Saturday, things changed. I wasn't confident about my pregnancy anymore. I had a brown discharge and even though people told me it was normal, I didn't feel right about it. It was all I could think about. The next morning it was a light pink color. I was spotting and the discharge turned into blood. I was also told spotting was normal. But like I said the day before, I didn't feel right about it.

I called into work that day and my parents and boyfriend took me to the ER. Hours went by and I was finally seen by the doctor after paperwork and endless questions were finished. I had a pelvic exam, my cervix was still closed. That was a good sign. Then I went for my ultrasound. The technician wasn't allowed to discuss results with me. She had to wait for the radiologist to overlook the results and then give those to the nurse to discuss with me. I couldn't read her face, so I really had to wait. I was praying and praying and praying. All I wanted was for my sweet baby to be okay.

I waited another hour after my ultrasound before I got the results. My nurse informed me that my sweet baby only had a heartbeat of 86.9 and the blood was a sign of a "threatened miscarriage". I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't hold myself together. My worst nightmare was here. My baby had a 50/50 chance of making it. I was put on bed rest. The doctor told me to see my OB in a couple of days to follow up on the heartbeat and bleeding so I scheduled an appointment for Wednesday morning.

However, on Tuesday morning around 3am I was awaken by pains I had never felt in my entire life. Pains that left me curled into fetal position on my hardwood floor, breathless, sweating, nauseous, and weak. My worst nightmare was true. I knew my sweet baby couldn't have made it with the pains I was having. The pain lasted for 5 hours straight. Those 5 hours felt like 5 lifetimes. Later that afternoon I went to my OB. I had my pelvic exam, cervix was still closed. Then I went to my ultrasound. I watched the screen as the woman was looking for my sweet baby's heartbeat. The words "I'm sorry, but I don't even see the sac and the heartbeat you had on Sunday. The pains you had this morning was the beginning of a miscarriage." Will haunt me for the rest of my life. I went to the restroom and got dressed, I cried and cried and cried. I walked out of the ultrasound room and back into the waiting room to see the doctor. I was in tears. And everybody in the room was staring at me.

Every day since then has felt like a lifetime. My boyfriend is my rock. My backbone right now. We're both heartbroken. Everything I've ever wanted, it was gone. And it makes me all the more nervous to get pregnant again. I don't think I can handle that pain again. The emotional pain, that is. Because the emotional pain is a thousand times harder than the physical pain. All I think about is my baby. My sweet angel baby. I'm not myself, I'm depressed. Some days are harder than others. And on those days, it's hard to even get myself out of bed. Little things catch me off guard, and I just burst into tears. I'm 18 years old and I'm a mommy to a sweet angel baby.

Lexie