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Mckennah Marie

When I was about to graduate from high school, my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant. we had been trying for this so we were very excited. At the first ultrasound we saw her. She looked like a little Jelly Bean! And the heartbeat was strong. Her heartbeat was 151 my whole pregnancy. I had my baby shower in early december, she was due mid anuary. One night I was worried because of lack of movement so I went to the hospital and they checked her heartbeat and it was 141. I told them there must be something wrong because it was always 151 and they told me not to worry, it was still normal. so they sent me home. I had my appointment a few days afterward with the midwife because my OB was out of town and I told her that I had gone to the hospital and she dismissed my worries about the heartbeat. I asked them to induce me the following monday and she said no. I was young and a first time mom, I thought the baby was ready but she said I was wrong. Erik and I left the doctor's office and he made a comment to me, "She didn't check Mckennah's heartbeat."

Monday came and went and she was kicking up a storm! Then wednesday came and I didn't feel her move at all. My friend came over and massaged my feet and nothing happened. I drank cold water, nothing. I ate, nothing. Finally I called my mom and she told me to go get her checked. The hospital took me in and they went to hook me up to a monitor and they couldn't find a heartbeat. They brought the doppler in, no heartbeat. Finally they brought an ultrasound machine in, she was gone. They induced me and I was in labor for 15 hours. I finally delivered my angel baby. 6 pounds 4 ounces 20 1/2 inches long.

A great company called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep came in and did professional pictures for free. We held her kissed her until it was time to say good bye. My breast milk came in, I got stretch marks, I was bleeding, but I had an empty cradle. No baby to nurse or hear cry or to take home.

Its not fair.

And to add insult to injury, my OB missed my delivery, stopped by for a few mins to say sorry afterward, and then I had to go through a total run around to get the autopsy report.

The nurse called me "I'm sorry Ashleigh, she was in there too long. She had a bowel movement, it infected the amniotic fluid, and there was ecoli in her splean."
I was right. She WAS ready. Don't discount my mother's intuitiion because I'm young and a first time mom. I knew it was time.
My OB wouldn't sign the death certificate so my poor baby wasn't cremated until a week after she was born. And he STILL hasn't called me to ask how I'm doing.

Ashleigh

15 Years Old!!

I got a pregnant at 15 years old and I didnt know what to do!! I went 5 months and then on Christmas Day which is the same day I was planning on telling my parents. Little did I know that I was gonna wake up to find I had had a miscarriage. I cried for the longest time! I still to this day wish that I would have had that baby even though I was young because I had formed a bond like no other! It is very hard to go to sleep knowing that I was once going to sleep worrying about how I was gonna raise a baby by myself becuase my exbf sure wasnt gonna help.

Jasmin

Stillbirth in a foreign country

I`m a 34 year old American mother(living in Japan with my Japanese husband) of an almost 2 year old boy who on Feb.9th 2010 lost my 2nd child at 38 weeks and 3 days. My first son was almost a text book case example, everytime I looked in the American pregnancy book, I could put a check mark next to everyhing. I could ignore the Japanese Doctors and Nurses when they told me I was eating too much and gaining too much weight. (I was gaining the perfect amount according to my books.) My first son was born in 4.5 hours, with no pain and he had 2 teeth and white spots on his nose indicating good nutrition. Then comes the 2nd pregnancy. The first 7 weeks, I was so sick I could not even move. At first when I went to the Dr. their pregnancy test showed that I was not pregnant. Went back a week later, and I was pregnant. Had to go back again in a week, but I felt something was wrong so I went back earlier. Nothing wrong. Then came the morning sickness from about 8 weeks until about 6 months. Found out it was a girl, named her MIki-chan. I still could not feel her kicks whereas I had felt my son`s kicks real early. The Dr. kept saying she was small, then that she had IUGR, then too much amniotic fluid. He said the baby most likely had a blockage in her throat and would need surgery when born. I felt differently, the whole time and had so many symptoms and questions but could not communicate those symptoms or questions appropriately. Once I thought she had stopped moving, so I went in, they monitored her heartbeat, said she was fine and sent me home. Then a few days later I felt another strange pain, went in, said everything was fine and aches and pains are normal. Now I felt like I was worrying too much and even though I felt like the baby was struggling (she would shake all the time) and going to die but for my husband`s son`s and friends` sake tricked myself into believing the Dr. I felt the baby had been suffering and told her that maybe it was better if she did not come. I believe she died peacefully later when I was playing classical music to her. This is when the kicks stopped, but there was one little twinge that I let myself believe was a kick and that her kicks slowed down because she was ready to be born. Before the baby died, for about 3 weeks I was extremely sick, the day (or 2) after the baby died I felt perfect like I was not pregnant anymore. That afternoon at the gyn. appt. the ultrasound showed the baby had died. The Dr. was more shocked than I, I believe I was shocked because I had tricked myself into believing the Dr. and trying not to be a worry wart.(My son had already realized that the baby had died (I always asked him to kiss my stomach/his sister, but this time he refused and said "scary, scary". )
I guess the stress was too much, because in the middle of the night I developed a huge headache and was vomiting, so was washed to a bigger hospital by ambulance to deliver the baby. AFter being induced with a balloon, contractions started and she was delivered in about 20 minutes. I screamed like I have never screamed before...probably just to let out all the stress. She was a beautiful girl weighing 4 lbs and 1 oz and 18 1inches long. The autopsy revealed that she had a hole in her heart, only 1 main artery and crossed fingers, leading me to believe that she would have died soon after if she had lived through delivery or she most likely would have suffered serious health problems her whole life. I know in my heart that her dying peacefully was best for us all and that she is now in the hands of God.

Vicki

saying goodbye to mini me

hi everyone just a week ago i was in the hospital learning of the most devastating news that my 5 month old unborn child no longer had a heartbeat it was pretty late on thursday evening when i started experiencing what felt like really strong menstrual cramps i thought it was gas and i went to the restroom and discovered bright red blood all over my underwear i screamed for my husband as fear set in i had just been to see my doctor that morning and noticed an unusual mucous discharge he examined me and assured me i was ok so i went on about my day as usual i took my niece and our new puppy to the park thinking everything was going to be fine after my screams my husband rushed to my side i was still on the toilet and felt something gush out of me and hit the water i new that was bad my water had broken way too soon i cried and we rushed to the emergency room but it was too late all my fluid had leaked out i passed the umbilical cord at the hospital which we later assumed was what had cut off the babys oxygen supply it was inevitable i had to deliver i didnt even know until that day we were having a boy what a horrible way to find out i had to make a decision fast to have a c-section was everyones advice bcuz the baby was still breech if i wanted a chance to see him at all it was the best way i screamed and cried i havent gone a day yet w/out crying i was so scared and i didnt want to lose my baby for a second time you see i lost one at 5 months about 12 years ago then too the emotional pain was just undescribable now not only am i in emotional pain but physical pain from the surgery on top of that when i got home i got a cold runny nose excrusiatingly painful to cough i have all this pain, unanswered questions,need a specialist to find out why this happens at 5 months maybe i cant carry full term i know all about grieving from before but it doesnt make it hurt any less i hope this doesnt mean i cant ever have children my husband and i have never been so hurt by anything in our lives we were almost there its just not fair all of our hopes and plans have died with little michael edward rogan 3/5/2010-3/5/2010

tammy

Stillborn at 23.5 Weeks :(

I'm 20 years old. I have a 4 year old girl named Kylie. She is the love of my life. I had a miscarriage 9 months ago, and had a baby "born sleeping" only 4 days ago :( The miscarriage happened very very early and didn't phase me a whole lot, but my loss only a few short days ago is unbareable.
My pregnancy was not an easy one. When I was 18 weeks pregnant, our baby girl was diagnosed with gastroschisis (a protrusion of abdominal contents through the abdominal wall without involving the umbilical cord). Her gastroschisis was rare and involved the intestines, liver and later on the stomach. All of these organs were outside of her belly. Typically, this birth defect has a 90% chance survival rate after surgery, but our baby fell into the 10% that don't. Within the next month or so, she got sicker and sicker and problems started occurring with her heart. (We are still not sure what caused heart problems). We had an amnio done that showed a perfectly healthy child, but there is some underlying reason that fluid started collecting around her heart (which led to heart failure). On Monday, March 1st, our ultrasound detected that baby Sophia's heart was no longer beating.

On March 2, 2010, (only 4 days ago :'( ) Sophia was born into the world stillborn. She weighed 15 ounces and was 11 inches long. Although she wasn't alive, the hospital offered us the choice to spend the day with her. We feel very fortunate for having a chance to do that. We took many pictures. She was 3 1/2 months premature so she was very delicate looking and of course small. She was the most beautiful little baby I have ever seen. So perfect in every way... We love her so much and she will never ever be forgotten. :'( Her older sister, Kylie (my 4 year old) was so thrilled that she was going to have a baby sister. It has been so hard trying to explain this to her in a way she understands. She still thinks her baby sister is going to come home...

We expected the baby may not make it due to all of her problems, but it doesn't make it any easier. When we got news that she only had a 5% chance of survival, I talked to her (as weird as it sounds) and told her that it was okay for her to stop fighting so hard. I know in my heart that she died that night and I feel at peace, just a little, to know that she heard me. Although, I feel that there is no better place for her then in my arms, I am slowly accepting that she is in a better place. I cry many times a day and waiting for her autopsy report and her body to be cremated is torture.. I'm in college and trying to take finals and I just don't want to do anything. I have to try and be strong for my 4 year old daughter though.

If anyone has a similar experience with stillbirth and wants to talk, email me at Kells8906@yahoo.com. I feel like it might help to talk to someone that has actually been through this.

Sophia- An Angel's Heart Too Good For This Earth. Rest in peace beautiful angel.

Kelly