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lo qu nunca pense que podria pasar

En verdad yo nunca pense que eso me pudiera pasar ami. Me sorprendi mucho cuando esto paso. Yo trataba de comer bien pero la verdad siempre estaba pensando en no comer demasiado pues no queria subir de peso mas de lo normal. Ahora me arrepiento de esos pensamientos que tuvo.

Cuando esto paso no pense en lo importante de lo que habia pasado asta ahora que me pongo a pensar y me pongo a identificar todos los motivos por los cuales ubieran sido un factor. Quiero tener un bebe en muy poco tiempo pues me gustan mucho.

victoria

My Story

Well here is my story: I lost my Sumayah on September 17,2006 at 10:31pm. I was 21 weeks and 2 days along.

I went to the doctor on Sep 14th for my rountine ob visit.I had been spotting for about 3 days prior but that was not uncommon for me as I had been spotting off and on throughout my pregnancy. I told the Nurse Practitioner about it at my visit and she scheduled me for a ultrasound at the perinatal center at the hospital. (I had been having routine ultrasounds at the perinatal center from the beginning of my pregnancy because I started out passing clots at 6 weeks, and had about 6 or 7 ultrasounds total).

The ultrasound showed that Sumayah was doing wonderful. Her heart rate was excellent everything in my abdomen was right where it should be and her growth was pretty much on point. Because of my recurring spotting they also did a vaginal ultrasound. This revealed that my cervix had dilated to 5cm. I was then urgently admitted to the hospital and put on strict bed rest. I was to have my head lowered towards the floor and my feet in the air to try and keep her off my cervix.

I was given a foley catheter in my bladder to drain urine since I was not allowed out of the bed and if I needed to have a BM, I had to use the bed pan. I am a nurse(LPN) and it was very hard at first to have to do this but I knew that it was best for my baby so I gave in to my non-independence and embarrassment.

Things were going fine until the 16th which was saturday night into sunday morning the 17th. I developed a fever late in the night saturday but the nurse thought it was because I was not getting enough rest. When the morning nurse arrived (she had been my morning nurse the entire time I had been there except one day) I told her that I was freezing and felt like I had fever. She checked and sure enough I had a temp of 100.6 (i had been 97.9-98.3)

So she called the on call Ob for my practice since my doc was off that weekend. She ordered a really strong antibiotic for my infection because all my test had come back normal. In the process I lost my mucus plug that morning but I think she was scared to tell me this becassue she didn't want me to freak out. This antibiotic has a chance of crossing the placenta but I figured that this would be better than me losing her. My fever had spiked to 101.7 by 11am. I received the antibiotic at 1pm and by three my fever had come down to 99.7 and I felt sooooo much better.

At 7pm I started having what we thought were bladder spasms because nothing was coming up on the monitor and it felt like it was smack in the middle of my bladder. The new evening nurse that came in was awesome. I had started to leak fluid and a maxi pad was put on so that I would not feel so wet. The spasms were hitting me abbout every20 minutes for 2 hours. About 9:30pm they had stop. The on call doc came back at 10pm that night off a hunch to check my cervix because she felt like the infection was coming from there given all my other test results were negative.

When I went to open my legs for her to do the exam my bag of water was bulging out of my vagina. The bladder spasms I was having turn out to be contractions but because she was so small and she had come down into my vagina the contractions were being felt in my vaginal area.Since I was no longer having them I had to deliver her vaginally with the doc putting her hand into my vagina so that I could feel where to push at.By the 4th push she was able to grab her head and bring it to the opening of my vagina.

I delivered her at 10:31pm on September 17,2006. She weighed 15ounces and was 10 3/4 inches long.The doctor told me that when she broke the water bag(she used her hands intstead of a hook)that the bag felt really rubbery so she think the infection had set into the water bag.

The next time I get pregnant I am going to have a stitch put in because it is believed that I just have a incompetent cervix possibly due to some scarring that I have on it. I also have a history of endometriosis,polycystic ovarian syndrome and a fibroid tumor in my uterus.

There was nothing wrong with her cord or anything so basically it was my body that failed me. I named her Sumayah Bharatti Wilkins. I got Sumayah from a model off of Runway Mom, and I got Bharatti is indian because her father is from India (he and I are sooooooo not together).

This is my story...I too would love to hear your story as well. Thanks for reading mine and sorry that it was so long.
Take care.I am sorry about your loss as well (((HUGS)))

Charmaine

no more kids?

I am going through a divorce to a man who had a vasectomy after our second child. I was always bitter about him doing that, but it was a compromise that I had made in order to have my second child.

I met someone after our separation who had a child and said he wanted another baby in the future. I accidentally got pregnant, but after the initial shock, I was thrilled. My dream had come true of being able to have another child after I thought I would never be able to have another one.

I miscarried at 7 weeks, and my relationship ended after he told me that he didn't really want the baby now anyway, and that now he doesn't think he wants anymore in the future either. Now I'm even more devastated that not only did I lose my baby, but also my chance of having more.

I'm not exactly young, so I may not find another man before my time of having kids is up. No one else seems to understand how hard this is on me.

Charmaine

Trying to move on...

Week 7 past the miscarriage and still I can't move forward to where I want to be. I lost my pregnancy at 5 1/2 weeks. This was to be our fourth child. There were months of deliberation over whether to try again and add another person to our full house. I won the argument and brought my husband around.

We were trying for about 6 months and finally on a fluke check of a pregnancy I found my faint line. I took three more tests just to be sure. Then after one week of letting my joy settle in I started bleeding. My husband assured me I bled in my other three pregnancies and everything would be fine. I trusted that but in my heart I knew something was wrong. As the day progressed I went to the ER to be sure. They confirmed that my pregnancy was lost.

The only word that I can think of to describe it at the time was relief. I was relieved that my worst fears came true and I didn't have to wonder anymore that day. But, once the relief wore off I went into complete shock. I couldn't believe how unfair it was that I lost this pregnancy. I had fought over a year to get my husband and I on the same page. I waited six more months of trying and failing. My acne came and the weight gain because I got off the pill. I looked a wreck but it would all be worth it to hold my new baby. But, here it was, my sick reality that it wouldn't be happening. All of this mess for NOTHING.

As if that reality weren't enough, the next day my best friend gave birth to a baby girl. I was so happy for her, or at least I pretended to be, but inside I have never felt so empty. My brother had his beautiful baby a week earlier. My other brother was due in 5 weeks. Just had the baby boy 8 days ago. So here I sit, sadness and empty.

I have friends who have been through this. I have heard and said it all before. "It was meant to be." The baby could have been ill" "You will realize it wasn't the right timing" blah blah blah.

I have spent the last 6 weeks grieving for my loss, enjoying all I am blessed with in my other 3 children and thinking maybe I was greedy for wanting more.

But, still I want....I am so scared though. I don't want to go through this again. Also, what if I AM being greedy and I will be punished with a sick or disabled child. I want my guarantee that this was my pain to bare and that was it. I want a signed affidavit from G-d that I will have a healthy child. I know that's absurd and I can't have that. I know that my children are blessings and I should feel fulfilled. But, I can't shake the need to have another.

I wish I had answers - I ask my friends and they don't have any words to help me. They focus on redoing kitchens or playing with their newborns. My sister-in-laws, now both new mothers, have been cold and insensitive. So here I am, turning to internet anonymity for love and support.

Please give me answers....

Sara

The loss of our angel

Just over 2 weeks ago I started spotting at 5 weeks pregnant. at first I didnt think it was anything serious until it got a little heavier. I went to see my GP who sent me to my local early pregnancy assesment centre, I was scanned and unfortunately they couldnt find anything.

They told me it could be eptopic and took my blood to check my HCG level resulting in me having to go back in 48 hrs to see if it had gone up, down or stayed the same to determine if it was eptopic or just an early pregnancy or miscarriage. The next 48 hrs were hell ! I just kept hoping it was an early pregnancy and nothing else and the spotting continued so I just rested.

48 hrs later and I found my self back at the centre waiting for the results of my next blood test. Sadly the hcg level had dropped and they told me I was having a very early misscarriage which they thought had ended before it had begun. It was the worst day of our lives

all the way home we sat in silence and it took awhile for what they said to sink in and when it did the grief came. It was like someone had ripped my heart out with their bare hands, you just feel empty, alone, isolated, sick and the hardest part was not knowing why or what had caused it.

We went later that day to the river edge and threw some flowers in to the water and watched them float away just to say good bye to are little one and we hoped that he or she is with her grandparents and one day we will meet for the first time. Until then a day will not pass when we will not think of our angel looking down on us.

As the days have passed things havent got better but they seem to get easier but your heart still hurts but you can start to look forward and stop blaming yourself and thinking what could of been and realise that it just wasnt meant to be this time.

I am not sure if there will be a next time yet because its put me off a little. I think it's too much heartache but time heals and who knows how I will feel in the next few months, at the min I am just taking every day as it comes.

sarah