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Lost my baby at 12 weeks

I found out that I was pregnant in January 07. My husband and I were so excited; this would be our first child and first pregnancy. Everything was going fine, I didn't have any morning sickness and I was feeling great! I was telling everyone I knew. We were hoping for a little baby boy.

Then everything changed. After going to a movie with Tim, I went to the restroom and noticed some blood. I was freaking out, praying that everything was going to be fine. Earlier that day I had some back pain and a really bad headache. The next night I had to go to the E.R. because I was bleeding too much and I was having horrible cramps. After they did an ultrasound they found out that the baby stopped developing around the 8th week. When the nurse told me that I'm having a miscarriage I started bursting out into tears, I couldn't believe our little angel was gone.

They put me on medicine for the cramps and told me to rest and go to the doctors the next day. She told me the same thing the nurse did. My husband and I were so upset. Whenever I saw a baby or baby clothes I started to cry.

My grandma gave me this stuffed animal for the baby on Valentine's Day; I couldn't stop holding that cute little dog. It's been a week and I still cry sometimes. Everyone tells me "It wasn't meant to be" or "You’re young, you'll have more". But I really wanted that child. I kept saying "I want my baby back,” or “I want to be pregnant again with that child".

My mom had a miscarriage a year or so after I was born, so she knew how it felt and was there for me too. It is a really hard thing to go through. My husband and I are going to try for another baby when the doctor says it's ok. I really want a child. I can't wait till we have a little baby.

I'm kind of afraid that I'll have another miscarriage, but I'm hopeful. So hopefully my second pregnancy will go full-term, and we'll have our adorable baby.


Marissa

My story

I am a 23-year-old young lady who's had a period since I was 9. I have never been pregnant before last year. It all started last year, when I went to the fertility doctor to see why my periods were irregular, especially since I was put on this pill provera to make it at least regulate me for a couple months, but after taking the pill I noticed that my period came on twice and then stopped. I never thought anything of it especially since I was on a pill named Clomid (a fertility pill) and never got pregnant.

Anyway, I discussed my situation with the specialist, and she told me that we were going to try this Provera pill out again as stage one then follow up from there, also stating that I may need some type of surgery to help everything along. Well here I am, everything running through my mind about getting a surgery, when she brings out this cup. She tells me that before she can prescribe Provera that I had to take a pregnancy test. I never thought anything of it, so I took it.

Moments later my dream finally came true, she came in the office and said that I was pregnant... Well of course I didn't believe her. So I took 7 tests to actually believe that I was pregnant. Within the next two weeks I had to schedule an ultrasound to find out how far along I was, come to find out I was 6 weeks, but I forgot to mention prior to the date I found out I was pregnant (6/6/06) which was 5/12/06 I had went to the doctor to actually see if I was pregnant and that was negative. So here I am so confused as to how I am 6 weeks when less than 4 weeks ago my test came back negative.

Well everything goes fine, when I turned 20 weeks I found out that I was having a girl. We named her Laila. The most beautiful name for a most beautiful little girl. 4 weeks later I started having pains. I dismissed the thought of it being anything serious because I wasn't bleeding and the pains felt like it was just gas, So I went to work. As the day went on I grew weaker and weaker until I was finally about to leave. I went to the bathroom, and what did I see but blood. I didn't panic I just yelled for someone to call 911. But I knew that Laila wouldn't survive.

It took every bit of 45 mins to an hour for the paramedics to get me to the hospital, which was right up the road... Its funny, I could have walked there and gotten there faster. Once there I was connected to all machines. She was fine. I was relieved, her father and my mother came in. My cousin was already there cause she came with me from work. Everything was going good until she wanted to come out. She was breech and she was kicking.

The doctor prepped for delivery (which I still believe I should have had a c section but because nobody could get my due date right and she was coming so fast I had no choice but to have her naturally.) I pushed and I pushed with no pain meds at all. Finally she came out, but her head got closed in my cervix due to the meds that they gave me to try to stop the labor. I was in so much pain not physically but emotionally, because in my opinion the doctor should have only gave me the meds to make her lungs strong and not the meds to stop the labor especially since I was dilated so much, but I cant change the past, I can only prepare the best I can for the future.

She was born on Oct 16,2006. And she will never be forgotten. Whether you have had a miscarriage or a baby born that passed, the pain is still the same, its just in you not to give up or forget that little one and trust in God that everything will work out next time around. This is my story...


Kendra

Still in pain

I didn't even know I was pregnant. We have been trying for about 2 years.

I had still had what I thought was my period for eleven days when I went to the doctor. I was exhausted all the time and thought I had a bladder infection or a cyst or something. The doctor sent me for blood tests and gave me a list of potential reasons for the bleeding. He had mentioned miscarriage but the bleeding had started on the exact day I had expected my period to start & I thought that it was polyps.

Two days later, the doctor said that my levels were up and that he thought it was a miscarriage. I was upset but I had to go straight back to the hospital to have another blood test to see if my levels were dropping.

When I spoke to my doctor he confirmed that I had been pregnant and had miscarried. I went home, crawled into bed and cried for hours.

My husband has been my hero through all this, taking care of me; I don't know what I would have done without him.

About day 20 of bleeding non-stop I woke up at 4am with the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I tried to get up and go to the bathroom but ended up falling out of bed and waking up my husband. He helped me to the bathroom and the pain only got worse. We rushed to the hospital and they put me on anti-biotics to prevent infection. The doctor said that my uterus was contracting to push out a clot. I just couldn't believe that I was still bleeding! I spent 14 hours in the hospital to make sure I didn't need a D&C then they sent me home with 2 anti-biotic prescriptions and one for pain meds.

That weekend the bleeding finally tapered off but I am still in almost constant pain. I have muscle cramps, I am dehydrated, exhausted, my brain is foggy, my back aches and I have a nasty pain in my abdomen. Worst of all I went to the bathroom at work today and the bleeding is back. I called my doctor and set up another appointment for Tuesday to make sure everything is okay.

This has now been going on longer than I was even pregnant. I couldn't have been more than three weeks along and I have been miscarrying for a month. The doctor says to try & look at the positive side of things, that it means we aren't infertile. It is good news if you look at it that way because I was starting to stress out thinking we would never get pregnant. The doctor also suggested waiting a couple months before trying again to avoid post partum depression. I have set June as the next time I will be pregnant! You know, power if positive thinking and visualization.

My sympathy goes out to everyone here & thank you for listening, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this because the fact that we are trying to get pregnant is mostly a secret.


still trying

lost at 14 weeks

I found out I was pregnant with our third child in June 2006. We were so happy; it was kind of a surprise. The thought of being pregnant again was finally sinking in; maybe this was our chance for a little girl. We have two wonderful boys 8 and 6.

At 11 weeks I wasn't feeling so good, backache and slight spotting. I was really scared because I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks between my boys. Went to the doctor a few days later and heard the heartbeat and I felt a bit better. 3 weeks went by and nausea was starting to fade and I was feeling better.

On August 29 I got up, took a shower and got the kids off to school, and as I was standing at the front door felt a huge rush of something really bad. I ran to the bathroom and blood just started pouring out of me. All I could do was cry I knew what was happening. I could not even move without blood gushing everywhere. My husband then called an ambulance. I tried to stand up and then I felt something very warm it was the baby; a lifeless little body hanging there.

I was in shock and so was my husband. Once at the hospital they performed a D&C and said the baby probably died at 11 weeks, which would have been the weekend I wasn't feeling so well.

The last seven months have been the worst. I cry off and on and get so upset when around other pregnant women. We have been trying to get pregnant again but are having a hard time, which makes things even worse. We have family members that think we should be over this and to move on which makes me more upset because this was our child, a part of us, that we lost.

We just want a healthy pregnancy and I am trying not to obsess about it, but it is hard.



Jennifer

My first and his second...

My husband and I have known each other a very long time and while we were "together" for most of that time it really wasn't anything that serious since we were so young (I was about 14 when we first met and 25 now). As the years went by he did his thing and I did mine (mostly long distance) but we always knew that we would end up with each other. About 4 years ago we decided that we would try to make things work between us and this was about the same time that I found out that he had a baby on the way with someone else. Against all odds we still tried and years later we FINALLY made things legal and we became man and wife in front of our family and friends. We (my husband, his daughter -3 yrs old, and I) became an instant family.

Prior to getting married I accepted his daughter as my own and treated her that way, but we always knew that we wanted to have our own baby together and I was hopeful that it would finally happen. I figured that since we were finally doing things the "right way" that God would bless us but as the months went by I began to get more and more frustrated especially, since I would get news that someone else was pregnant! Finally I made an appointment and explained to my doctor that I wasn't having regular periods but that we really wanted to have a child and I left her office very optimistic that I would finally be a mommy (not only a step-mom). I was told that I would take progestin to make my period come and then take Clomid so that I could ovulate. I was convinced that I would be pregnant ASAP.

A few days (and lots of blood drawn) later I received a referral from the doctor stating that she wanted to schedule me for some sort of infertility testing (HSG); I was so upset because I thought we had a plan and reading the words INFERTILITY did not fit into the plan. My husband tried to be supportive but I told him that he wouldn't understand where I was coming from since HE already had a child (a bit mean but a little true). I contacted the doctor and told her my fears and she reassured me that it was routine just to make sure that my tubes weren't blocked because she didn't want us to get pregnant and have an ectopic pregnancy. I told her that I understood her concerns and that I would have to think about when I would schedule the procedure. By this time I had already taken the progestin for the 10 days as prescribed and my period had just started 3 days after the last pill.

Before getting off the phone she told me that we might end up pregnant this month since I did have my period so she told me to "see what happens" this month and contact her if I didn't get another period for 2 months. So the end of February came around and go figure...NO PERIOD. I just assumed that my body was doing it's things and not producing a regular period for whatever reason so I started to contemplate calling the doctor back to put me on the progestin again so that I could go in and have the HSG preformed (usually done 10-15v days after your last period).

Before I had a chance to call my doctor my husband told me to go "pee on the stick" one night when we were making dinner since I kept saying that I had to go to the bathroom (always had a bad habit of holding my pee). So anyways I told him that I didn't see the point of wasting a perfectly good test (a test that we had cause a few weeks back I jokingly told him to pick one up at Wal-Mart) but I didn't feel like arguing with the man so I just went ahead and did it since I had to go to the bathroom anyways. WHOA.... I swear up and down that I saw a plus (+) sign but my eyes aren't the best in the world so I just figured that it HAD TO BE WRONG. I brought the stick to him and asked what he saw and he very simply said "A PLUS" without knowing what it was that was supposed to mean so I laid it on the kitchen countertop and very calmly told him that WE WERE PREGNANT. We must have read the instructions and looked at that test 101 times. We even asked his brother who was there what he saw and he was convinced. Well I wasn't so we went to the store and picked up a dummy proof test (the digital one) and that one said that I was pregnant. After screaming at the top of my lungs I went to the living room and confirmed the test with him.

We were so happy but I still didn't want to believe it and said that I wouldn’t really believe it until I heard it from the doctor. So the next day, after checking the test again just to make sure, I called the doctor and had an appointment for the following week. Having to tell someone we called my best friend (who was pregnant) and she was thrilled (she really wished she wasn't the one that was pregnant but that it was me since she already had two and wasn't really looking to get pregnant again but we were). Before the news I had cravings and the like but I didn't really pay it much mind but after we knew I was then I really did start to feel different. I really did bond with our baby. Not wanting to jinx anything we vowed not to tell anyone else (I just couldn't help it so I swore a few people to secrecy) and we tried not to but we already had thoughts of how we would fix the baby room, make announcements, the baby names and the like. A few days passed and I felt fine asides from the sore breasts. I was wondering why I didn’t have morning sickness or the other pregnancy symptoms that all my friends had but I just thanked heaven that I was “one of the lucky ones”. As luck would have it I did start to feel some cramping but I read online that some cramping with no blood was normal and nothing to be alarmed about so this became one of the only times that I was happy to be having cramps since my baby was getting comfortable inside of me. As my doctors appointment started getting closer the cramping stopped but then I saw that it started up just a little.

One morning when my husband was getting ready for work, I remembered touching my stomach and commenting to myself how “I didn’t FEEL pregnant anymore” but I didn’t think anything of it and I didn’t bother saying anything to him either. So the day continued with my stepdaughter going to spend some time with her mom and my friend calling me to help her out with some things. Wanting to get out the house I agreed to pick her and her kids up. Once my friend and I got back to her house I found something to eat (hotdog and cheese) and then I started helping her with her hair and that’s when I felt the worst cramp in my life. I figured I haven’t used the bathroom so it was just my bladder telling me that I needed to hurry up and empty it. To my surprise I went to the restroom and noticed that there was a little spot of blood. Okay not an issue…I read online that a little spot was normal but then I looked in the toilet and things changed. It went from me seeing a spot on my panties to me seeing a clot of blood in the toilet. I was horrified. I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. Not wanting to alarm my friend I very calmly went into the other room and told my friend what had happened. Not wanting to alarm me she told me that it would make her feel a whole lot better if I could go to the hospital and not wait for the appointment that was the next day. I agreed (after throwing up the hotdog and cheese I just ate) and called my husband who was on his way home from work so he literally flew to her house to pick me up.

That had to have been the longest car ride in a while and one of the most awkward. He didn’t want to freak me out nor did I want to freak him out so I told him about this one story I heard on the news and we exchanged a very weird laugh to make the other feel better. So we get to the hospital and we walk in and we have to sign in and wait to get called. By this time the pain is really kicking in and I’m thinking that they have to call me ASAP since I had him put on the slip that I could be having a miscarriage…WRONG! I sat there for a while before I was finally called back to see what was going on and only to be told that IF I was having a miscarriage there was nothing that they could do since I was so early (6 weeks the next day) and that my body was doing exactly what it needed to do to. I looked at that lady as if she had lost her mind but I tried to keep myself together. By this time I was already thinking that the worst had already happened or was happening but we wanted to see someone so that we could at least confirm whether or not we were pregnant (remember the two tests weren't good enough).

After so many trips to the desk to find out where we were on the list and how soon I could be seen and them telling him that they couldn’t tell us anything and having to ask for a pad to collect all the blood that I was loosing, we finally decided that after 4 hours we would just go home. My back was in pain and I found out later that it wasn’t just from the seats at the hospital but that it was a natural occurrence after the bleeding started when a miscarriage happens. So anyways after we left I made him make a pit stop at Walgreens to pick up some Midol cause I figured that was the only thing that could help with all the pain that I was in. Thankfully two Midols later I was able to get some sleep (not really but close enough). I woke up the next day and tried to put everything together to see if I was having a really bad dream but I realized that I wasn’t. First thing I did was call one of my other best friends and told her the news. I wanted to see how it would feel with one person and if I would be able to break it down to the others that I swore to secrecy earlier. Telling her the news wasn’t so bad but I opted to send my other girlfriends one text message that basically told them all what happened the night before. They were all pretty upset. I knew my friends all wanted me to have a baby but the news really took its toll on everyone. Then I tried calling my mom and telling her that I didn’t feel so well and that I was bleeding so she just told me to get my rest, not to wear any high heels, and to call her when I came from the doctors. I couldn’t bring it to myself to tell her that I spent so long in the ER and that nothing happened. Being the baby of the family and the only that’s out of state…the news would have crushed her. So I told everyone that I would give them the 411 later on that afternoon.

I went to the doctors and even when they would ask me how I was doing I would reply that I was “okay”. I explained briefly what happened to me and they still wanted a urine sample to check if I was indeed pregnant…turns out that I was and that the tests were right. Unfortunately it was a weak positive. So they took me back and did the ultra sound and the doctor went over them with me and I remember some of it but the rest was a blur. Something about a closed cervix, the lining in the ultrasound, the tubes being clear, bla bla bla. For some reason she didn’t want to come out and say that I did have a miscarriage but she said that she might not have seen anything in the picture cause it was too early or it could have been that it already passed although she was almost certain by what I was telling her that I probably did miscarry. The whole visit was “it could be this or it could be that”. At the end she told me that she wanted to take my blood and have me come back a few days later to draw blood again and then she would compare the two to see if there was any changes in my hormones. Let's not forget the pamphlet on early miscarry that I got on my way out.

Now I’ve never been pregnant before but I know that I didn’t feel the same way that I did the past few days and that feeling that I had that morning was dead on (all pun intended in this case I guess). While it was short lived I knew my baby and I knew when something was wrong and I was set in the fact that something went really wrong. My husband and friends all wanted to hold out hope and I found myself counseling them and telling them that they shouldn’t set themselves up for heartache.

I called my mom and confirmed things with her. I don’t want to make it out like I was this ball of strength cause I did and I do have my moments when I think about the whole situation and cry. I became emotional and it may have had something to do with the hormones in my body but it was mostly the reality of the situation. I’ve always been known as the optimistic one amongst my circle of friends and one of the main things that I could come up with was the fact that I FINALLY found out that I was able to get pregnant so that became my source of hope and inspiration for the future. While I only went to the doctors office yesterday and this situation is only a few days old I am grateful that I had my husband there to go through it with me and that I wasn’t facing it alone. Had this happened a few months ago he would have been in one state and I would have been in another and that would have complicated things even more. I am also grateful that I have family and friends that I could lean on when I need to. While I can understand why it isn’t always good to go and spread the pregnancy news so early on I would do things the same way again because those same people were there for me. If you feel the need to share the news be selective of who you share it with cause those people will come in handy. It makes it easier for them to know ahead of time instead of having to learn of the good and the bad news all at once. I was telling my sister and my husband today that this whole thing was a coincidence because a few months back I was working on my Masters degree and wrote a paper for my Crisis Intervention class on Miscarriage (who would have figured). Maybe that’s another reason I was able to take things in stride like I did…I was prepared with the information!

This may have been my first pregnancy and his second but I believe in my heart that it’s not going to be our last. We’ve talked about it and we don’t want to put off expanding our family. This is something that we’ve always wanted and this is just going to be something to make us want it even more. If I have to go ahead with the HSG then hey that’s what I have to do but knowing that I can get pregnant has changed a lot of things and my determination is in full swing now baby!


Always Hopeful