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Lossing my lil one

I had my miscarriage 6-7 months back now. I am now trying to get pregnant again. I thought that a miscarriage would never happen to me.

I started bleeding and I just thought it was my regular cycle. Didnt think much about it. Well about a week later, I started bleeding once again. Im like ok, something isnt right, but I shruged it off. I didnt think I was pregnant, much less having a miscarriage. Im not one to go to the doctor alot for any reason. So, I started wondering if maybe i was pregnant at that point, so I took a test, but the lines were very faint. I was like ok wow, I am pregnant. So, then I started tryin to figure out what was going on. Tubal pregnancy went through my head as well as a miscarriage. So, by this time it was about a week later and I started bleeding once more. I was like ok, this test came up positive and I am bleeding, something is deffinately not right. So, I went to the ER. They did a papsmear and did a blood test and the HCG levels where really really low, I had pretty much passed everything, by the time I went in. It wasnt that bad cause I didnt even really know for a long time that I was pregnant, but to me if felt like lossing a piece of me. Kinda like, having a ring or necklace on and never taking it off, then all the sudden it breaks. It just feels so odd and unusual.

cortnie

Losing my son Limothy

I am 32 years old and have 2 beautifule girls age 12 and 10. I have had miscarriages in between these pregnancy and after them. I just found out in March 2006 I was pregnant. I was so thrilled since me and my Husband have been trying to have a baby for the last 3 years with a miscarriage and a recently stillborn. I am so lost right now. on thursday September 28th, 2006 was the worst thing I found out i was 33 weeks pregnant and started to have contractions. I went to the hospital to get myself checked. They sent me up to the OB Dept. and put me on a monitor and gave me a shot to try to stop my contractions. It did not make changes on my conractions. My doctor arrived to check up on me and did an ultrasound. he tried to shake the baby to move so could see better on the ultrasound to find out if there was anything wrong. while they did an ultrasound they had took off the monitor on me for awhile. I was complaining that I had very, very horrible lower back pain. so my doctor said he would take a break and come back to do an ultrasound in awhile. the nurses hooked up the monitor on me again with in a couple of minutes they found the baby's heartbeat was different. I was really worried about this because I was not expecting until like October to November to have the baby. The nurse had called my dr. again to notify the changes on the baby heartbeat and he was there really fast. they then decided to take me in to do an emergency c-section. I was scared like hell! everything was happening so fast and my Husband had gone back home to eat and check on our dog to go potty. I was scared without him not knowing but i had my blackberry with me to send an email he recieved to come back to the hospital right away. From then in the surgery I did not really remember a lot. i had shots and I was put to sleep during my surgery. When I woke up I had asked my interpreter several of times if the baby was ok... she did not answer me and left the operation room. I was scared even more because no one was telling me nothing. Until my husband came in crying I just knew that things was not okay. He told me that the baby did not make it and they tried to do everything to help the baby. what caused this was that I had a placenta abruption and i had a clot. It was not giving enough blood to flow through the cord and the baby was not recieving enough oxygen. I could not believe this was happening to me. My first daughter was premature at 32 weeks and she made it. I also had a c- section done with her. my second child was full term and had natural birth. Now recently I had another c-section this is the worst thing that happened to me. my incision was still opened in two different places and bleeding. It was not the discharge! it bleeded for almost 2 weeks and i was eally really bruised bad on my tummy, vagina, and hips. It looked terrible. This made me feel more low. Because i know compared to my first and the second c section it was totally different! I miss my baby boy. this is really hard to accept. today is 4 weeks ago i lost him and i cannot get over this. too many things on my mind is why did it have to happen to us? I am still confused with all the things went wrong at the hospital and the interpreter was no good that I had. I am Deaf. I only stayed in the hospital 2 nights. they sent me home when I had no bowel movement which surprised me. I finally had my normal bowel movement about 5 days later. the next day I went back to the hospital because i was not feeling well and they found out that I had high blood pressure, UTI, and i was low on potassium. I also had a little fever too. it was terrible experience for me and my husband to go through. now i am checking in with my ob doctor to get alot of test run with my history of 5 miscarriages and a stillborn. I recently also discovered i have high cholesterol. I really want to have a baby with my husband. I think about the baby everyday and every night. This is much harder on me that my husband is gone working or sleeps during day because he works overnight and i am home alone this puts a lot on my mind that i think about the baby and try to figure out why this went wrong. When I had gotten out of the hospital it was good to be home but in other ways it was not because when i went to stores or watched tv i always was seeing something about a baby or a women being pregnant. this was heartbreaking for me. I still have a hard time to accept this. I don't think I will ever forget this baby. we had the baby cremated and bought a very beautiful urn to put the ashes in. we have it at home with us. I thought i share my story how frustrated i was and what I experienced and i hope no one has to experience this like i did. To all the mothers and fathers who lost their babies I am so sorry and praying for you all.

God Bless!

Candy

We'll be okay

My husband and I had been trying for three months to get pregnant. When we saw our first positive pregnancy test three weeks ago we were so excited, but at the same time we were cautious about telling people until we were through the first trimester. It honestly felt like two months, not two weeks. I had to keep reminding myself I was pregnant (I only had sore nipples). I joined baby clubs on the internet and kept myself up-to-date on the baby's development, what I should eat, etc etc. We were hanging out for the first ultrasound and to hear the heartbeat, because we knew it would make it more real for us.

Unfortunately we didn't get that far. Last weekend I woke up with light bleeding and cramps (like period pain). I called my doctor and was scheduled for an ultrasound on Monday. I was preparing myself for the worst, but also hoping that I would be one of the lucky ones. Monday was not a good day. I had a clot in the morning and by mid morning my breasts no longer hurt. I had been bleeding for three days and I knew that I had lost our baby. The radiographer couldn't find a pregnancy sack, so they needed to do an internal ultrasound. A few hours later my doctor told me I had had an incomplete miscarriage.

I cried so much that day. My husband was there for me through everything. His mother is a mid-wife and she was excellent support for the both of us as well. When the doctor started talking about options to remove the remaining pregnancy sack, I burst into tears again - it just reminded me of the fact that I actually was pregnant, that it was real for a moment, and then all of a sudden I wasn't. I chose to have a D&C and was scheduled for theatre the next day. It was daunting and a little scary, but I knew that I would have closure and we could move on and start trying again soon.

I'm managing to find some positives in this situation, as hard as it might be. The main thing we're most grateful for is that I miscarried so early in the pregnancy. If we had heard the baby's heartbeat and had more time to get used to the idea of being parents, I don't know how I would have coped. The other thing, is that I know we can get pregnant - I don't have to stress about that anymore. My doctor told me I should wait until my first cycle and we can start trying again straight after that.
Fingers crossed.

Joanne

My baby is being raised by Jesus..

I've wanted a baby for so long, so when that home pregnancy test came up positive, it was very unexpected by very much wanted. It was going to be the first for both me and my new husband. We were ecstatic! We made a huge deal out of announcing our great news, because we found out just before mother's day. So as a mother's day present for my mom, we bought her a cake and had it written to say "Happy Mother's Day Grandma!" and thats how we told her. She got so happy she cried. I was so anxious for that first ultrasound, for the first look at my unborn child. Little did I know that the first look would be the last. What was supposed to be the visit that we heard the heart beat for the first time, I ended up going to the hospital to get a STAT ultrasound because I had been bleeding all night the night before. Then my doctor told me something even worse---not only had my baby died, but he had died three weeks before that. I had no signs or symptoms to tell me, not even the slightest cramp. So sadly, when we told the world about our angel, he had already gone to the Lord to take his place as a real angel. I was only 9 weeks along when I miscarried, but I took it so hard... I cried constantly for weeks and weeks. I thought it would get easier as time went by, but here it is a year and a half later and I'm still greiving like it happened yesterday. Everyone told me "Things happen for a reason" and "God knows what he's doing," and I know they all meant me well but it didn't help the hurt in my heart. All I could do was cry and pray "God I know this is your will, and I dont agree with it or understand it, but please just help me to accept it." I had to have a D & C, and when I left the hospital that evening I felt so empty, like I had just left my baby behind. There's a song that every time i hear it I instantly think of my baby, who would now be almost eleven months old -- Kenny Chesney's "Who you'd be Today". I cry all over again when I hear it but it also gives me comfort, b/c of the end of it-- "The only thing that gives me hope, is I know- I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN SOMEDAY." So I am going to live my life for Jesus and my baby, so that one day I can meet them both for the first time.

Jamie

Still in Shock

My husband and I had just started to try for our second baby. I remember I found out at 2 in the morning, by quietly taking a pregnancy test. I was so excited I woke up my groggy husband. We both were very happy and held hands in the dark. I have a two year old and was very happy to have another one on the way to give my son a sibling. I had been an only child and I wanted my children to have a larger support of family.

At 7 weeks we went to see the doctor and I was excited the Doctor was reserved and told me to be patient just in case. I remember at the time thinking that odd. I had already had a normal pregnancy , I felt I had a good change of another one. When we went to look at the baby there he was with his heartbeat going strong and I could hear it loud and like a little fighter.

Three weeks later I returned to the doctor 's office and we looked at the sonogram and saw nothing, no movement. I felt so dark, so lost, so out of body. I felt like I took it well . My husband inhaled and was surprised when I asked how long whould I be out from work? But, I did not know how to react... The doctor began to tell me about having a D& C instead of waiting for it to come out naturally. I felt at the time I needed to have some closure. A definte day that would be the end of it, Because the longer the baby stayed with me in my body the more hope I would have the doctors were wrong.

I called my job, my supervisor called with apologizes, I just want to be left alone. I've cried, my husband who is to afraid to cry in front of me, cried at the daycare when he went to pick up my son.

I myself started to think on the reasons; what could I have done differently. But the most fustrating answer is probably nothing. I hate that answer. Pregnant women do not make feel uneasy, motherhood is still wonderful. I have a son who is my first real love. But I am unsure I could deal with this type of loss again. I am thankful of the blessing I have in my life and I want more children but all in all this experience has taught me how vulnerable I am. How vulnerable life is. How quickly it can be blown out. That scares me,,, That vulnerablity.

I have my D&C on Wednesday. I am also going to see a counselor. This is something I need to work through. I just want to feel like I am o.k. when people ask me about being pregnant and I have to say that I had a miscarriage.. I want to thank this site for giving me an opportunity to release this. To say what is exactly on my mind.

For those that are going through this I give you an online hug!! I know I'll get through this. There is a line from the THE Prophet that says something like" Sorrow carves out the cup that hold your joy" I know that my cup will soon hold lots of joy.

Nia