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Baby Boy

My husband and I had tried to get pregnant for almost three years. We went to a specialist and discovered that I had a mild case of PCOS. My doctor treated my with Metformin 850mg twice a day and three weeks later, I was pregnant. My husband and I could not believe it! We were so excited. We told all of our friends and family. Everything was going well until our second appointment. We went to have an ultrasound to ensure that everything was going okay. I was 11 weeks pregnant. We discovered that there was no heartbeat and that the baby had stopped developing at nine weeks. We were devastated. Our hearts broke into pieces like shattered glass. A day later I had a D & C. I felt better by the end of the week. I still am sad, but I realized that there was a time that I thought I could not conceive and God blessed me. I understand now that he will give me another precious baby . We miss our son (we know in our hearts that it was a boy). We will never forget the joy that he gave us for such a short time.

Hollie

Three healthy babies....was it finally my turn for

We have 3 beautiful children. Our son is 13 years old and our 2 daughters are 12 and 8 years. We have always wanted four children, but wanted to wait until our dream home was finished being built. We finally moved in 2 years ago, June 2004. We immediately started trying for our fourth baby. I was so disappointed that we were not having any luck getting pregnant. Finally in March of 2006 we did two cycles of intrauterine insemination, both failed. I finally decided that I was done trying. I realized that God had a plan for my life and it would be far greater than what I could come up with on my own and so I needed to trust Him.
So with no more temping or charting, we simply were enjoying life, our children, and trusted that our family was complete. On our daughter's birthday, on June 3, I decided to take a PG test, as I was not feeling well, and my period was a couple of days late. I was shocked and elated to find out that we finally got PREGNANT! We decided not to tell the kids until I took some blood tests to check for progesterone and my hcg levels.
My first numbers on the hcg were 336 and my progesterone was low at 10. So they told me that I needed to take progesterone injections. I came back a few days later and my hcg was now 774. It had doubled! Things were looking good. We decided it was time to tell the kids. My son was sort of surpised, but not completely. I had actually discussed the possibility of becoming pregnant with him a few months before. But the girls had NO IDEA. They were shocked. Looking back, I wish I would've handled the situation differently. I wished I hadn't made it such a surprise. It wasn't fair of me to pop this on our kids without any prior knowledge or clue. It was pretty shocking to the girls, but after the shock wore off, they started to get excited and were discussing all the fun aspects of how this baby was about to change our family forever.
My son and I were planning a trip this month for a school trip for 5 days and it was going to be an issue with me needing to have someone give me the progesterone injections while on the trip. We had decided not to tell anyone else in our family (besides my mom) and no friends until i was 12 weeks along. So asking another parent that was going to be going on the trip to give me an injection 3 days a week, was not an option. I asked my son if he would be willing to give me the injection in my hip and he said yes! So we started going to the dr.'s office and the nurse trained him to give the injection. The progesterone medicine is very thick and has to be given in a large syringe and at a slow pace deep into the muscle, so I logistically wouldn't be able to give it to myself. My son did a fantastic job! I was so amazed that he could handle this! Something that I did tell the kids when we told them about the pregnancy was that it was very possible for me to have a miscarriage and to be prepared for that. Somehow I was hoping it wouldn't be true.
Since finding out I was pregnant, I had been spotting brown blood, which I was told wasn't a problem. But then on Monday, it turned to bright red spotting. By Tuesday, it had become small (1 cm) clumps. i was so scared. I cried. The kids cried with me and my husband. I went to the doctor and my blood test revealed an hcg level of 1,104 and it should've been at about 2,800. Miscarriage was imminent. Within an hour, I had passed a large blood clot. I was devasted. I am so overwhelmed with sadness. My kids are so sad too. I hate that they're going through this pain, but I know that I made the right choice telling them and not waiting until I was 12 weeks along. They would've wondered why I am so sad. They are such good support for me. I don't know what the future holds for our family. If we don't have anymore, I'll know that our family is complete even without another baby. It feels hard to know that it took 2 years to get pregnant with this one and that is ended in miscarriage. Makes me realize how blessed we are to have three healthy kids that were so easy to conceive and that haven't had any health problems.
I'm hoping that I'll be done miscarrying by the time we leave on Monday. I'm looking forward to this trip with my son. He's been my little rock through this. The trip will help take my mind off of the hurt I'm feeling. I find that I can just start crying out of the blue and missing the baby that I had already started bonding with.

TJ

Lucy

It was in december 2005 when we found out we would be having twin boys and they were due to be born in june 2006 and we were estactic. (me & my husband got married in 2003 and have been trying to have children ever since). They pregnancy had gone on fine. On valentines day out at dinner with my husband & his parents. I fainted in the restroom. One of the waitresses found me and called an ambluance. . When i woke up they told me that i was doing fine. I wanted to know about the babies. They told me that everything was fine except that they took another ultrasound and found a third baby a girl. Then two days later they took anther ultrasound and declared no heartbeat on baby girl. They told me i would be fine except that i would have to carry the baby all they way through. hubby and i decided to name the baby lucy and the living twin boys were named logan and lane. in may i started having pains. One doctor told me they were braxton hicks contractions and then another doctor told me that they werent and then a 3rd doctor took some tests and said that one of the boys heartbeats was dropping very fast and they needed to do an emergency c-section. It was very risky being i was only 32weeks pregnant. They wanted me to get to atleast 35 weeks before delivery. So they delivered. Lucy came first and she was beatiful. It was so sad. Thinking that i may lose another child that day. Then came lane whose heartbeat was not doing well. The rushed him into intensive care and did tests and determined a hole in the heart that could be repaired with medicine. they got thim stabalizied. Logan was born next. He was doing well. Yesterday i got to take lane home. it was a very good day. all of mine and my husbands family were there and we took a trip to have a memorial for lucy at her grave. although i have my twin boys. I will always remember and love my lost baby.

Alexa

The worst three weeks of my life

I have one beautiful two year old son, but I desperately want another child. My problem is that my partner does not. He is adamant that he will not have another. So imagine my joy when, in the middle of May, I found I was pregnant. My heart leapt. It was a dream come true. After my last pregnancy, I didn't really contemplate anything going wrong. I sat up all that night choosing names and making plans.

My joy lasted only one day.

The next evening, I noticed a small amount of bleeding. I went to my doctor and she sent me to hospital, more as a precaution than anything else. There began an endless series of blood tests. My blood hormone levels were not rising correctly, and at first the doctors were convinced I had an ectopic pregnancy. I did not believe them - I had no symptoms and the bleeding had long since stopped. However, after I missed an appointment and came home to find the police looking for me because the hospital was worried I could have collapsed, I began to take it more seriously.

Eventually, I agreed to have an operation to remove the ectopic pregnancy. As I was wheeled into theatre, I thought my heart would break. But on waking, I was told that there was no ectopic. I was still pregnant! My hopes soared again, and i began making plans once more.

It didn't last long. My blood results continued to be hugely abnormal and on June 12th, I began to bleed heavlly. The next day, it was confirmed that I was having a miscarriage.

Now I don't know what to do. My heart is broken. I want another baby so much, but my partner says no - he actually says he is relieved I have miscarried. I don't think I can face the rest of my life without having another child. I would leave him but it would break my son's heart. Now all I can do is pray for a miracle.

To my baby,

I love you, my tiny angel, with all my heart. I will never hold you or kiss you, but you will live in my heart forever. One day we will be together again.

Mammy

Lisa

My son "Worthen"

I went in for an ultrasound at 19 weeks. I was excited to find out what my child was going to be. They had only just begun to do the ultrasound, they could not find a heart beat. The baby measured 17 weeks. I was in shock at first and then felt completely overcome with depression. My doctor was out of town for the weekend and so I talked to another doctor. He told me my options, and told me to go home and think about what I wanted to do. He told me if I decided to be induced call him anytime. He was very helpful and considerate. My husband and I decided to start the next morning. That morning my regular doctor came into the hospital to visit his sick mother. That is when he found out. He came to see me and it seemed to make things a little better. It took 11 1/2 hours and I delivered my third little boy. He looked completely normal. His skin was transparent, but everything was there. They allowed me to hold him and that helped me. They even took footprints. They are about the size of the pad on my little finger. They tried to make things as comfortable as possible and were very simpithetic. Later they took the baby to check to see if there were any problems.

I found out a week later that everything was fine with his small body and that nothing appeared to be abnormal. That makes me feel happy to know that I had a perfect little boy. I have no doubt that I will see that son of mine again. He is in a perfect place that I hope to live again. Even though I know I will see him and be able to raise him at a later time, it still doesn't take the immediate hurt away. I know that life has to go on and that is what I am trying to do.

The hardest part is seeing people. They don't know what to say and I don't really want to see them. I also know that if I don't do it now it will never change. I have to deal with it now or later and I pefer to move on and be happy. I have a 5 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. They need me and they are the best therapy available. My oldest understands what has happened. He asked lots of questions and it has helped me to talk to him. That sounds funny but it is true. I am his mother and nothing has changed that. He needs me just as he always has if not more.

We named him Worthen after my paternal grandmother, it was her maiden name. She passed away the day we found out we were pregnant. I have had dreams that she is taking care of my boy until I am able, but now is not the time.

My biggest fear is that it will take me a long time to concieve again. I will be 30 soon and I don't want to have babies after I am 35. The risk seems to high. I also don't want to have a baby that is raised by his/herself. I hope that things go as planned, but I have always believed that there is a higher power that has other things in mind and that if I trust in him that things will turn out for the best, even if it hurts at the time. This has been confirmed to me now. My doctor says that I could get pregnant again after my next period if I would like, I told him that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen.

I hope that this can help someone who is struggling. I promise life will get better agian. You will never forget your child, afterall s/he is yours. You will always love them. I also know that family's can be together forever. I am LDS, I have been taught that this life is only a short moment of eternity. A moment in which we are to be tested. The Lord will not give us anything we cannot handle. I don't mean it won't be hard, but we can handle it. I believe that my son was one of the most valiant spirits in heaven and that he was one of the closest to our Heavenly Father. He didn't need to prove himself worthy, all he needed was a physical body. That is what I provided for him. I feel blessed to know that I was chosen to be this perfect boys mother. I will see him again. It is up to me to live worthly to do it.

tennille