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well my story begins as not being able to get pregnant because of ovulatory problems. so i got on clomid 2 pills a day and glucophage i had to take this with the clomid to make the clomid work. after they got the meds right i got pregnant that month but then they started doing ultrasounds every week and found that i had a blighted ovum. my baby stopped growing as soon as it implanted but the placenta was still growing i had to get a d&c to take it out. i got it tested and they found a chromasomal problem.i was so devestated i thought it was my fault. i wanted this baby so bad but they took it at 7 weeks i think they said it was a girl. its been 4 months and i find out next month and see if i'm pregnant again i hope and pray that this one will be okay. i have hope i hope this helps someone

Kimberly

mommy to be-No More :(

Hello my name is Shelby and im only 16 this is my story,

Well i wasn't trying to get pregnant at all but me and my boyfriend at the time just didnt seem to use a condom or birth control. I found out i was pregnant Jan 28 09 the doctors said i was 6 weeks 1 day, i was soo scared, what was i gonna tell my dad, hes gonna kill me. But i finally broke down and told him the night i found out he was mad but then got over it and was excited to be a grandpa. Everything was going good started setting up appointments then i started to get excited about it. But then feburary 3 i started bleeding i was so scared and sad because i was pretty sure that i was loosing my little angel, the next day my dad took me to the hospital they rushed me back and took my blood then 30 minutes later took me for an ultrasound and the ultrasound tec was taking her pictures and all i kept thinking was is everthing ok is my baby there and she answered my question even tho se wasnt suposed to and told me she did not see a fetus my heart dropped to the floor, why did god do this to me?? they kept in the hospital for 3 days to make sure my hcg levels were dropping and i was misscarrying but then the doctor came in and told me i may be too early for them too see anything on the ultrasound and my levels grew overnight. i was soo confused she gave me hope that everything might be ok they released me as threatend abortion which means my body was threatening to misscarry so i still thought my baby was still in there and the bleeding stoped and thru the whole thing i didnt cramp at all. and i had to go back in a week to see if my levels were continueing to grow that whole week i did nothing but pray well when i went back she told me my hcg levels dropped all the way to 34 and i did have a misscarriage i cryed that whole day. why me why me i was 7 weeks 1 day when i lost my little guy, things are getting better now and now i feel everything happens for a reason i guess. i feel for everybody on here and i know how it hurts. email: [email protected]
Always Shelby

Shelby

waiting for my angel

How can words describe the pain that you feel when your womb is emptying? I found out after years of infertility treatments, that I was finally pregnant with a pregnancy that seemed to be doing well in terms of rising hcg levels. My friends whom I had entrusted the news to, could not understand why I didn't feel excited. I knew the odds...I am 39, previously had a chemical pregnancy (one that ends before 5 weeks) and scared to death of a miscarriage.....I couldn't get excited about it until I heard the heart beating for the first time. But after the 6th week, I started to think, wow, I could be having a healthy baby and started fantasizing about what it would be like. My husband was very excited. We told family and close friends. A few days after, I experienced a little bleeding and spotting....it stopped within the hour. An early ultrasound revealed things looked normal for that time, no discernable heartbeat yet and I was scheduled to come back in a week. Exactly one week later, another incidence of bleeding, again only for an hour. I panicked and thought this was the end....I just wanted to know either way was this pregnancy going to work or not....not knowing was very difficult. That morning, the doctor looked at the ultrasound and saw my gestational sac and no development in the fetal pole. In addition, he could see that I had a large hemmorage in the centre of my sac and surrounding. It was an impending miscarriage. I have never felt so sad in all my life......how could this be happening after trying to so long to come to this? after thousands of dollars spent on treatments, after so many gruelling months of hormone injections. I have to think that perhaps there is a reason, that we are meant to have a child come to us, but just not now. A few days later, I went for a final ultrasound as I was given a choice between miscarrying naturally which could take weeks, or medication (D&C if necessary). I was not bleeding yet, but felt awful.....bloated, sick, tired. This was weighing me down. My last ultrasound revealed heavy internal blood clots in my uterus, but since my cervix was closed, I was not bleeding. After taking medication, I am now in my second day of bleeding and though physically in pain, feel lighter. I just go through feelings of pain and despair back to hope and needing to have a "plan' to start trying again. I can never know from day to day or moment to moment how I will feel. It is a constant struggle. I am unsure if I will ever have a viable pregnancy....it took a lot for us to get here and I cannot imagine going throug this again. good news is that we always wanted to adopt and we really hope that something happens for us soon. Our child, adopted or born from us, will be loved the same. I want to believe that i will feel better again. I have to believe this. I want to end this torturous fertility treatments and just surrender to the universe, to whatever will happen, but I am afraid that not trying again will be something I'll come to regret. I am giving myself time to grieve and then i think the answer will be clear to me as to what to do....

Joyce

R.I.P little Angel

Hi my name is Alexandria and i want to share my story with you as i havent really spoken about it as its so painful..

My partner and i found out i was 7 weeks pregnant in November 2008, we were so so scared as we had only just bought our first house and it needed so much work doing to it, the first two weeks after finding out were hard i was so so frightened, was i going to be a good mum did we have enough money etc...
After the first few weeks i really started to enjoy my pregnancy my tummy started to grow really really quickly, i bloomed.....

On Christmas day i was given a doppler to listen to my babys heart, it was so so strong i started crying i was so in love and attached to my unborn baby it is hard to discribe.... i was so happy ....

Just after christmas 30th December 2008 i felt differently i felt empty i used to know where my baby was sitting in my tummy as i could feel a little pressure, but this day was different i didnt feel sick even though i was never sick i just felt it... and i felt so so empty...

I went to loo and there was brown spotting, i didnt know what it was as it wasnt blood but to be on the safe side i called the early pregnancy unit and they asked me to come to hospital so they can monitor me ... i was in for a few hours when they said i will have to return tomorrow as there were no scan machines available...
We returned to the hospital and had a scan the doctor said there was a baby but he couldnt see the heart beat, i was deverstated i was told to go home for one week and come back to see if the baby is still growing as it might be to early to detect the heart, but i knew i had lost my baby because i had hurd my babys heart and i felt there was a hole in mine..

After a week i went back to the hospital and it was confirmed i had lost my baby and my body still thinks its pregnant its called a missed miscarage, i was told i would have to have my baby as i didnt want a D&C, i took my first two tablets on Wednesday the week after new year 2009 and went into labour i was in labour for 3 days it was so so so painful, i didnt have any pain medication as i wanted to feel every moment of it, on the friday i went back into hospital onto the maturnity ward to have my baby i took 4 more tablets and my contractions were every 4 minutes it was hard i cried with every contraction and i pushed my little boy into the world on the 9th January 2009 12:10 pm... i was in total shock my partner didnt know what to say nor did my mum. My mum was so supportive i love them both for being there....
After a hour i was told i could leave i didnt want to leave my baby but i had too, my baby was born sleeping on the 9th January 2009 (Angel)...

In the end my baby was cremated a day before my 24th Birthday i really do miss him and i wish i could of been given a chance...

My partner and i would love to try for a baby again but i dont what to go through the heartach i have just been through, it is still really hard and i miss him every day sweet dreams my little Angel sweet dreams

love Alexandria xxxxxxxx

Alexandria

My Angel

sorry about it being so long... i just really wanted to tell this in detail because i guess i have to get it out.

A had always wanted to be pregnant. She was always fascinated from it. Many children get to see their mothers pregnant when they have little brothers or sisters. But A was the youngest, and never got to see any family member pregnant. When she was a child she used to fill huge water balloons up with water and strap them to her belly with shirts and put a big t-shirt on and waddle around the house like she was pregnant. Look at herself in the mirror. She loved it. She would sit down on the couch slowly and tiredly, playing her part as the pregnant 9 year old while she watched old movies like the Poltergeist. When she was with Blue, she knew she wanted to have his baby. She secretly tried to get herself pregnant with his baby. She pressured him to stay in and not pull out. He wasn't quite ready for a baby, he said. But finally, after much pressure on A's side, he just gave up. She had been reading books about conception and pregnancy. It was August, A was 17, Blue 20. Many times had A missed periods and thought she was pregnant but she really wasn't. It was August 31st, and she was a few weeks late. She bought a pregnancy test. Peed on the strip, brought it to Blue. She waited the 2 minutes and there were 2 lines, clearly she was pregnant. She was ecstatically happy. Blue was freaked out and happy. She started having terrible morning sickness. A few weeks before A found out she was pregnant, Babs had found out she was pregnant also. Both A and Babs were having extreme bouts of pain. Babs was about 16 weeks pregnant, and A was about 9. They were cramps. They thought this was normal, because both of them were having them. They were so painful, they brought them both to tears and on the floor cringing with gritted teeth. Little did either of them know, this was nowhere near normal. A and Blue decided it would be best for the baby and would make their parents more comfortable if they were to get married. So, they had quite the untraditional wedding, held by a justice of the peace at A's parents house. A bought a beautiful white dress that came to the knees and flattered her tiny little bump of a belly. The weeks passed, and Babs went to the doctor. She came to school afterwards and said the doctor had called and said there was something he didn't like about her ultrasounds and wanted her to come back in for an appointment. Well at school a day or so later, the doctor called the school and told her to come in immediately. She went in and found out her baby was a little girl, who had a rare neural birth defect called anencephaly, where parts of the brain and skull of the fetus do not develop and are missing; anencephalic babies do not survive longer than minutes out of the womb. She would have to abort the pregnancy. Babs was devastated. She had wanted the little girl more than anything. A went to visit Babs when she told her, Babs was crying laying in bed. A felt terrible... especially since she was pregnant. About 3 weeks later A went to the doctor for her first prenatal visit. She was incredibly excited and nervous. The doctor first put a dopplar sound system to her belly, and said he couldn't find a heartbeat, but that was normal at 12 weeks. So he brought her to a room, where she layed on the table while he preformed an ultrasound on her. She saw the tiny little developing baby, whom she had named Angel. It was curled up to her, back facing the world. A smiled. The obstetrician quietly said, "I can't find a heartbeat. My machines are old... and sometimes they don't pick up this early..." He wanted her to go down to the hospital and get another ultrasound on their newer, more updated ultrasound machines. He explained that this may just be a technicality, but that in his experience, it was not good news. He explained what would happen if the baby did in fact not have a heartbeat, so she would be prepared beforehand. She nervously and tensely walked to the hospital and checked in to have it done. When she laid down, her heart was beating out of her chest. She was sad. The ultrasound technician spent about 30 minutes moving the cold round knob around on A's belly, while click clack click clacking on her keyboard. She would not let A see. After she told A she was done, A asked if everything was alright. The ultrasound technician said she didn't have the authority to tell her, that she would have to get permission from the OB. A was sitting in the waiting room when she finally came up and said she had talked to the doctor and he said it was alright to tell her. "Well, I couldn't find a heartbeat. The baby is not alive... I'm sorry. Your doctor said he explained to you everything? Are you alright?" A just grunted and left while her mother thanked the ultrasound technician. Her mother just kept saying "That just really sucks... it's a terrible thing. Things like this just happen... It's terrible, terrible." A did not cry. She did not cry on the way to the car, she did not cry on the way home. She felt empty and angry. Blue was fishing with his friend when she got home. She sprawled out on her bed, put her head on the pillows, and cried her heart out. When Blue got home, he came in the door and sat on the bed. "Well? How'd it go?" he asked. A looked at him with her face red and puffed, tears in her eyes. "We're not having a baby."she said. "What?? What do you mean?" asked Blue. "He couldn't find a heartbeat. He said the baby must have died when I was 2 or 3 weeks ago." she replied. Blue cried with her and hugged her though she didn't want to be hugged. All her life she had dealt with the worst kinds of grief alone. After Blue's friend left, he came back in and kept saying, "How could this happen?" And A answered she didn't know. She didn't go to school anymore. She said right then and there she didn't want to ever go back again. She hated school to begin with and she just didn't want to deal with people and have to explain the situation to them who already all knew she was pregnant and would ask questions. It would be too painful. It was Tuesday. The doctor called the next morning and scheduled a D&C for Monday morning, which is when they clean the baby and everything that goes with it, out of the uterus. A called Babs and told her. Babs said "A, I'm so sorry." On Saturday night, A and Blue went to Babs's house and drank hypnotiq and hennessy to make Babs and A feel better. Nothing could make the emptiness go away. Babs wanted A to spend the night with her, but A said she just wanted to go home. She just felt like going home, and didn't want to stay out that night. The next morning, it was 8:45, Sunday, October 10th. A woke up in her bed beside Blue with terribly agonizing pain. It got so bad it woke her up. She went to take a naproxen and laid back down. A few minutes later, she felt a snap. Like something breaking, in her belly. It is hard to explain what that felt like. A "POP!" Similar to a knuckle cracking but different. Then she felt it. Something wet was pouring between her legs. She ran to the toilet. Blood splattered on the floor. It started pouring in the toilet like a water faucet. A was scared and crying. She called to Blue and told him to come here it was an emergency. Blue, who was always grouchy when he slept, woke up and didn't know what was going on. He didn't know what was happening, and thought she was making a big deal out of something small. He complained about her waking him up and said "Well? I don't know what you want me to do!" Blue went back to bed, leaving A crying harder. A few minutes later, after cups and cups of blood had spilled, she felt something. She knew it was coming. Something was about to come. She knew in the back of her mind what it was. All of a sudden as quickly as she felt the sensation, she felt a huge sack about the size of a cantalope fall into the toilet. A froze. She knew what it was. She sat there crying "No... no!" for a few minutes until she realized she had to do something. Should she look? Or should she just flush the toilet? She had to look. A part of her mind could not just let go of Angel that easily. She looked, but saw nothing but a deep crimson sack. She gritted her teeth, and flushed the toilet. The bleeding was getting worse and still had not ceased. She was starting to be in a lot of extreme pain and she was starting to feel sick. She had to get up and out of the bathroom. She pulled on her clothes and put a pad on and woke Blue up again to tell him to go get her mother so she could take her to the hospital (Her parents lived next door). Blue complained, and A got sick and felt like she was going to pass out. She fell to the floor, and had to crawl to the front door to throw up beside the porch. She started to feel extremely cold and faint. She had lost a lot of blood. Finally Blue got back and her mother was on her way to pick her up. She went to the hospital telling her mother every minute to hurry up. She kept feeling like she was passing out. Finally they reached the hospital, and they hooked her up to an IV, gave her glucose and some kind of derivative from opium and something to help the bleeding. She was sent home a few hours later with some promethazines . The nurse was really helpful and wheeled her to her car in a wheelchair, telling her how sorry she was. A thanked her and they went home. She stopped at a gas station to eat a slice of pizza. She felt considerably better now, and was glad to have something on her stomach. The next few days were a blur, A took her medicines which just put her to sleep. She thought that was probably the reason they had given her those particular pills. Because they would put her to sleep so she wouldn't have to deal with the mental agony. So she could just sleep and sleep. Forget the world, because that was the last of Angel.

Sharon