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Our Angel

First of all I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has posted stories. I fould this website last night and it has been a great help to me to read that what I am feeling is normal.

My husband and I tried for 4 months to get pregnant and finally I was. We have a 5 year old boy and were ready for our second. I had problems with this pregnancy from the beginning. I bled the entire time but everything was always fine with the baby. I felt that I could deal with bleeding the entire time as long as the baby was okay.

At about 15 weeks I started having severe back pain and my doctor sent me to the maternity ward at the hospital. An ultrasound was done and the baby was fine. My doctor seen me the next Monday and we had an ultrasound. Everything was fine with our little baby and it was growing normally. He thought I had veins on my cervix that were rupturing due to my previous delivery, which was difficult. A week later I started having severe back pains again. I went home and went to bed and thought it was the veins again. I woke up early the next morning and felt different. I went to the restroom and my baby just fell out. Fortunately, my son was at my mother's house so he was not home to hear me scream. My husband and mother contacted my doctor who sent me to the maternity ward again. They did an ultra sound and confirmed that I no longer had a baby inside me. However, not all of my placenta had passed. They put me in a delivery room and adminstered medicine directly into my cervix that would cause me to dialate and have contractions. I had to push the rest of my placenta out. It was a horrible ordeal and something my husband and I will never forget. I was 16 weeks pregnant at the time. The hospital staff and nurses were great. My doctor also arrived at the hospital to be with me while I had to deliver the placenta. I had had a placenta abrubtion. Unfortunately, there is really no way to tell this is the reason that a pregnancy is in jeopardy until after the placenta is examined. I have read several websites that this is extremely rare to happen again, but still I am nervous about trying again. My doctor suggested waiting for 3 months to try and get pregnant again, but I feel an urge to get pregnant right away. Not that I want to replace the baby we lost.

Some literature was given to me at the hospital which helped both me husband and I deal with this. It is perfectly normal to be devasted by this loss as it is to not grive at all. I felt all along in my heart that something was wrong with this pregnancy and that I might miscarry but it did not prepare me for it happening. I have not been able to return to work yet, as I work with several women who are pregnant and I don't want to see their growing bellies. My husband, mother and doctor have been very supportive during this time and my doctor has signed me off work for several weeks.

I know that this is devasting time for women and hope that someone will take comfort in reading these stories, as I have. I know that someday I will get pregnant again and I only pray that it will result in a healthy baby.

Lisa

Honoring Connor

Ugh, while it may not have been meant to be, it still sucks. We lost our baby boy on July 19th after finding out that he had passed the day prior at a follow up ultrasound. July has just been awful this year. I spent nearly three weeks on bedrest, both in and out of the hospital, and ultimately lost our little 26 wk year old boy. I didn't particularly enjoy being pregnant, and didn't feel like I had it easy the way everyone else around me seemed to, but what I would do to have it back. Yes, we want to try again soon, but like they say, not too soon. I have my 2 wk. follow up tomorrow and am petrified. The last two apointments (24 wk and then follow up ultrasound) I ended up in the hospital!

While it's only been almost two weeks, I do feel that I'm already healing, but being around my friends with kids is painful. Seeing my husband grieve is awful. He's being a typical male and jumping into work after a week "off" where he worked a ton around the house.

Thanks - it helps to get it out.

Sarah

My Beliefs

My husband and I suffered a silent miscarriage last week and I had a d&c last Monday. Apparently, the baby's heart stopped beating and it had stopped growing at 7w4d. We were devastated. I felt like I was trapped in my body desperately trying to escape. I t has been extremely hard these past few days.

Previous to our getting pregnant, I consulted a feng shui master who told me if I were to conceive that it would be late summer, early fall of this year. Well I conceived in late May and the baby did not make it past mid-July. After the miscarriage I consulted him again. He said that he stills sees the baby sign within me. So, here are my beliefs. For years I ws told that I could not get pregnant and this little soul cam eto me in May. Although it didn't stay for very long, I believe that little angel came to me to prepare my body for the baby that I am going to have. Whether it's true or not it helps me cope. Atleast I know that I can get pregnant and I have a chance at having a family of my very own. That wonderful soul that spent such a short time with me in all actuality saved me. It made me believe in my body again and it will always hold a special place in my heart.

As for now, my husband and I will continue ttc. Wish us luck!

Jacqueline

Bye bye little one

It has been 1 week today since my little one left us and I am so so sad. He or she would have been 10 weeks today. The love I felt and still feel for him or her will exist forever. Gone but surely never forgotten.
They say miscarriage is common. So what? It doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I am angry, I am sad and most of all I feel empty. Like something has been stolen from me. All natural feelings I have been told.

I had no signs that you were in distress, no signs that anything was wrong. How could this happen to me? What did I do wrong? So many unanswered questions, will I ever get answers?

It feels like I am on a roller coaster ride. Some days I am ok, but then others I am just so down. As I continue along my journey of grieving I just want to say, life is so precious and this experience has taught me that life is way too short, so cherish every moment. It just was not meant to be this time for me, but maybe one day.

I miss you little one and not a day will go by when I won’t think of you.

Joanne

Madelyn Marie Moore

Hello, I wanted to share my story of stillbirth because I want parents going through what me and my boyfriend are going through understand that your not alone even in thoes times when you feel helpless and empty.
I was 7 months (30 Weeks) pregnant, my baby was always extreamly active. I felt her kick and move all the time. However, it was not unusual for me not to feel her for a day or so. I had many ultrasounds and check ups. At my last ultrasound I had my gestational diabetes test and everything turned out fine. She was growing as expected and healthy the only thing that was out of the ordinary was I was hold a little extra fluid. My doctor set up another ultrasound for two weeks later and I went home. Two days after that ultrasound and doctors appointment the baby stopped kicking. Since this was my first pregnancy I didn't think much of it and it was not unusual for her not to kick for a day or so. So I waited for a few days and still no movement. I knew something was wrong so I called my doctor and she told me to come in right away. As I drove to the hospital and called my boyfriend and mom I could feel that knot in my stomach that something was really wrong but I kept telling myself that everything was gonna be ok. When we got to the hospital they immediatly tried to find the heartbeat and their was nonething, just silence. They did the ultasound and found that my baby girl was not moving. She had passed silently and quietly wihout anyone knowing. I could not belive that this happened to me, how was this possible?, why? As I began to sob uncontrolably I was faced with the decision of knowing that I would have to go through labor and childbirth without ever getting to here my baby cry. They induced my labor on a Monday night and my perfect baby girl was born on Tuesday July 22nd, 2008 at 3:48pm. She was healthy in every way, her cord was not wrapped nor was their anything wrong with my placenta. As we go through the planning of her services and trying to grieve and praying that everyday I do not go out of my mind. I get angry because I am her mom and I was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to teach her how to love and be loved. I will never here her call me mommy or here her say daddy. I realize that she was not ready for that. She wanted to go and play with the angels and never feel pain or hurt and I now know that is ok. As I sit here and cry for her I am forever thankful to her for what she has taught me. She made me a mom, she gave me joy and happiness that I never thought I could know, even for the short time she was with us. She gave me hope and understanding. I know one day I will see her again and she will be as perfect and wonderful as I remember her and I will forever be changed because of her. So in Precious memory of our Madelyn Marie Moore who went to play with the angels on July 22nd, 2008. Mommy and Daddy will ove you until the end of time.

Melissa