Single Moms

It's not easy being a single mom. As a single parent, you have to take on double the parenting duty. Other issues can make this even more complex. For example, some young moms write about what to do if my boyfriend is an alcoholic. Please share your experience and wisdom. As you will see, these problems require a great support system, time management skills and top-notch parenting techniques. If you have tips to share with other single moms or just want to help other single mothers and single parents out there, then tell us your story.


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A blessing


After reading some of the stories on this site, I've decided to tell my story of being a teen mom. I was 17 about to turn 18 in two months in Nov. 2002. I went out to a party with a friend and I started talking to this guy who was 19. We had so much fun together and I ended up leaving with him and going to his apartment, where he lived with one of his friends. We continued talking and I really liked that he listened to everything I said. We started making out and ended up having sex, even though we both said we wouldn't go anything further than kissing and touching. The next morning, I had to leave and he kissed me and said bye, but I believed I would never see him again. A week later, I found out from my friend that he started dating my ex-best friend and she knew what had happened between us. I blew off and thought nothing of it.

Four weeks later, something seemed wrong with me. I wasn't feeling good and noticed that my period was a couple of days late. I told my mom and she said I might be pregnant and I said she was crazy. Still, she went and bought me a test, which turned out to be positive. I still didn't believe it and bought another test that said the same thing. I stood there looking at the two tests and cursed at myself. The next morning, I went to Planned Parenthood and the physician told me I was indeed pregnant and congratulations. My family was shocked when I told them how I conceived, but hugged me and told me that they loved me and my unborn child unconditionally. I didn't have the father's number (his name is Jeremy) so I had to get ahold of my ex-friend so she can give me his number. She started telling me how I was going to be a bad mom and Jeremy was going to hate me. I told her it takes two to make a baby. Two days later, Jeremy angrily showed up at my house and said he didn't think "it" was his. He didn't want anything to do with the baby and I said "fine, but you'll have to deal with the fact that you're a dad." He cursed at me and left, and I was amazed that I actually liked this guy a month ago.

My parents and friends surprisingly accepted the situation and understood my decision to keep him out of my child's life and not take him to court for child support. Carrying my baby for nine months and giving birth was the easy part. On August 18, 20o3, my beautiful daughter, Alyssa Jane, was born. It was wonderful to have my entire family there at the hospital to take pictures and bring her presents. My main concern was when the day came that I had to explain where her daddy was. She started asking when she was 3-years-old and I simply told her that he wasn't ready to be a daddy but he loved her. Shortly after her fourth birthday, she was constantly asking me why didn't daddy come to her birthday and how come he never visits. I finally gathered the courage to call Jeremy (who ended up marrying my ex-friend and had a son who is two years younger than my daughter). I told him I wasn't asking anything from him, only that he meet her and get to know her. He told me that he would meet her and apologized for not being there. They lived in Missouri and we lived in Arizona, and we talked almost daily and decided he and his family would come to Arizona to meet her before the holidays. When they finally met, I was in awe of how Alyssa never asked him where he had been, and only asked him what his favorite food, color, and music were. Jeremy came to adore her almost immediately after that first meeting and we made arrangements to split the holidays and summer with her. I was happy that Jeremy was interested in our daughter and he apologized for not keeping in contact with us over the years. I accepted his apology . Things were going good for two and a half years until his wife was fussing over the traveling expenses they were paying whenever Alyssa would come to visit. I was paying half of the expenses but it was still to expensive. I suspected that his wife was growing tired of the visitations and was trying to make him severe his ties to me and Alyssa. So, Jeremy started seeing and calling our daughter less and less. When Alyssa was 7, months had gone by since he last contacted us and she decided to call him. A few times, he didn't answer or hung up after explaining away his absence, leaving her in tears and begging for him to call her back. The last time she called him, he answered and was laughing like he was happy but stopped when he heard it was Alyssa on the phone. She started crying and I took the phone as he asked why I was calling in a "bad" time. I said it was Alyssa calling because she wanted to know why he hadn't answered her in the last few months. He said that he was too busy for all this and I shouted at him to just say he didn't want to be in her life that way I can help her move on without him and let him sign his rights away. After he hung up, I hugged my daughter and told her everything would be alright, but she knew I was lying. I was surprised when she said she hated her daddy and never wanted to speak to him again. All I could to was hold her and rock her as she cried all night. It broke my heart to see her hurt and I was not going to let him keep hurting her.

On Thanksgiving 2012, we were cooking Thanksgiving dinner before my parents and other relatives came when the phone rang, it was from Jeremy. Alyssa answered it and when she heard it was him, she handed the phone to me and made it clear she didn't want to talk to him. He started off by saying he and his wife divorced after he caught her messing with another man. He apologized again for not being there and he had been wanting to call for a while but was afraid how we would react. I told him that I would never forgive him for abandoning our daughter not once but twice and this was the last time he would ever contact us. I even changed my phone number to make sure we wouldn't have to hear him every time we answered the phone. A week later, I got notification that Jeremy had gone to a lawyer to get visitations with Alyssa. I never expected for something like this to happen, given that he has never been a major part of her life. We went to court and the judge heard both of our sides, and he even asked our daughter if she wanted to visit with our father. She said no and explained how she really felt about him. The judge said he believed things could be atoned if Jeremy had supervised visitations with her and allow them to rebuild their relationship. I was hesitated but I agreed to it, and allowed him to visit with her at my house on weekends for two hours. Bit by bit, he started to change into this attentive and caring father; he always brought her gifts and candy during their visits and played with her. Alyssa was starting to get over past feelings towards him. After a couple of months like this, I felt comfortable to let her spend the night with him and her half-brother. He started to get her every weekend and some parts of the summer and winter breaks. I can see the positive change in both of them and I am happy that my daughter finally has her father in her life. I thank Jeremy all the time for letting me vent about everything he has put me through. Although my journey as a mother is difficult, I learned that to help me through my struggles is to accept it all in. Things do happen for a reason, even if they don't make sense, but the love I have for my daughter is the one thing that keep me going.

Dawn






My teen pregnancy

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant in June 2013. I was totally unplanned and I was shocked and scared. The father is named Ryan and he is a close friend of mine since the eighth grade. We never dated but always liked each other. During out senior year, we went to homecoming and prom together as friends. On graduation night, we went to an graduation party to celebrate with our friends at a nearby hotel. Ryan and I started talking about our plans to go to college and what kind of careers we had in mind (he wanted to be a doctor and I planned to be a teacher). Eventually, we got closer and closer and, after secretly getting a room, we had sex. Afterwards, we felt uncomfortable and decided to keep it a secret. A month later, I found out I was late and getting sick, and I took a pregnancy test that came out as positive. I was nowhere near ready to be a mother, I wanted to go to college and get my dream job, and I especially wanted to be married before I had a baby. When I told my parents, they were disappointed and I felt so guilty for letting them down. They assured me they loved me and will support any decision I made. For the first few months, I debated whether to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. I decided not to tell Ryan because I didn't want to make him choose between his goals or a baby by someone he didn't love. I still went to college and it was uncomfortable when people saw my bump and asked me the obvious questions ("what are you having?", "when are you due?", "what are you naming it?") I was almost certain that I had to give it up for adoption and made arrangements to meet with couples. The couple I chose were wonderful and treated me nicely but wanted me to tell Ryan so that he can sign his rights away. They asked me if I thought he would contest the adoption, which I replied "I'm not sure." They told me to call him anyway. I called him a few days later and told him that I pregnant with his baby and giving it up. He was shocked, not that he was about to be a dad but that I was decided to give it up. He and his parents met with me, my parents, the prospective adoptive parents, and my social worker to talk. He said he didn't think he could give the baby up and he wanted me to consider co-parenting with him. He admitted to me that his dad was his step-dad, and his real dad walked out on him and his mom when he was little, and he vowed to himself that he would never to that to his own child. At that moment, I realized that Ryan was going to be there for me and I regretted not telling him sooner, but he held no ill will towards me. On February 18th, 2014, I gave birth to our son (Christopher James). Ryan and me are still going to university and we both work to provide for our son. We are still friends and are dedicated to making sure our son has everything he needs.

Amy






Unplanned and loved

Hi all,
My name is Lindsay, I am 18 years old and I have a almost 2 year old daughter.
I found out I was pregnant when I was only 15 years old, it was terrifying as I was only a child myself.
I had not been seeing the father for very long and he was more of a friend than a boyfriend, he was nearly 2 years older than me. I found out when I was 10 weeks, I have had previous troubles with my period so I didn't think twice when it didn't come on time. I was anxious and scared to tell him and I finally built up the courage to do it, he gave me 200 dollars and he said he never wanted to see me again. It hurt me deeply, it wasn't so much that he didn't want the child, because I understand that it was a difficult situation but the way he did it made me feel cheap and worthless.
I finally told my mother and she was disappointed in me but she also said to me that I had her full support in whatever I decided.
That definitely made my mind ease but I still had to come to terms with the fact that I was going to be a mother at 16 and I had to be sure I was ready for this role for the rest of my life.
I knew it would be difficult but I chose motherhood. Unfortunately my pregnancy was not an easy one I was quite ill for a long period of time and I suffered bleeding on multiple occasions that gave me overnight stays at the hospital and lots of bed rest.
After 9 long months It did finally come to an end and on July 1st 2013 I went into labour and continued to be in labour for 30 hours. When it came time to push it was discovered that my baby had shoulder dystocia which made my delivery that much more frightening.
But on July 2 at 10.30pm I gave birth to my girl
Bandit Ryan 7 pounds 2 ounces and she was perfect.
Nearly 2 years later I have a stable and amazing job, a 2 bedroom unit and an amazing support system!
I would not change a second and do not regret a thing, ill admit its been hard and exhausting but I am slowly making my way to the top.
Who needs a man!

Lindsay






Pregnant & DNA

I am 18 and I found out that I was pregnant at 4 weeks I am now 17 weeks at the time I was staying with my dad and his girlfriend she has 8 kids but only 5 stay with her. When I found out I was pregnant it was between 2 of her sons and I told the oldest one thinking he would take it better then the younger one but he didn't he said it isn't mine and left the room and also told his brother about it he said the same. There mom asked about it and I told her the night I got pregnant I slept with both of them so its between one of the my daddy found out it laughed and said you know that those are your brothers I told him not true cause he is married to someone else. So days went by the oldest brother (he's 20) got back with his ex girlfriend me and her are close friends and she want me to move in their new house with them in not going to tell her about it cause I don't want to hurt her feelings but she think it's by the younger brother (he's 18) lately I've been talking to the younger one because he understands that it could be his from the night we all had sex I no longer stay with my dad I've moved back with my mom,lil sister, and niece. It's better being here because being there it was always a conversation about who's the father and it was uncomfortable for me. I'm hoping that its the younger one because I don't want to break up there happy home and I know that if it is the older one he wont be there for the baby cause he will be to busy trying to hide it from his girlfriend I still talk to the younger one every night he is anxious for the baby 👶 to get here to see if it his or not he wants the baby to be his and always ask how me and the baby are doing but he always adds that he not ready which I understand because I'm not either but on the other hand if its his me him and the baby will be moving into his brother and girlfriend house to be together its just a waiting game I'm due in October I'm praying 🙏 its the younger brothers.

gabby






She Changed My Life

I'm Hannah-Lynn I was 11 when I lost my virginity. I was a rich girl from a rich family. I lived my mom dad and three sisters. The oldest was 18 then 17 and 16. My sisters where always doing it with guys all the time and I wanted to fine out for myself so I started being with different guys every week. I was young and knew nothing about safe sex and that I could get pregnant before my first period. I never got my period until I was 13 when I became pregnant. I notice I was gaining weight fast and I had a little bump. That didn't stop my sexual activity. I was 2 months and didn't know who the father was 2 weeks later my youngest sister ask if I was pregnant. My parents found out when they saw my belly while I was sleeping. I told them everything they were mad. My sisters were very supportive and said they would help me raise her. It wasn't till I went in to labor when my parents said they support my desision. I was out with friends at the mall when I got my first contraction. My friend took me homer right away with my sister there. My baby wanted out but I couldn't push hard enough. Finally I was sent to the hospital there I officially when in to labor at 2:45 pm. At about 3:30 am my baby was on her way I was a small girl so it took my 2 hours to push my baby out and finally at 5:28 am Sophia Lynn was born. The final push that pushed completely out and saw her for the first time my mind was changed forever. I was glad to keep her and I knew that my life needed to change. I got put on birth control to provent me from getting pregnant anymore. I am now 17 and only was sexually active with three. I hope girls like I was read this and maybe my daughter reads this someday and keep them from making a the choice I did at a young age .my advice would be wait till u find ur true love and wait till ur both ready.

Love,
Hannah-Lynn and Sophia Lyn

Hannah-Lynn







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