Post your Story

Can't seem to make it through...

I have been a single mother since I was 20, focused on making a life for myself & my new daughter. The prospect of raising her alone was a very real & sobering experience for me. I knew I needed to make something of myself so she could be proud of her mother; I derived strength in that fact. It was only after meeting & eventually marrying my husband did I truly conceive of a happy ending for my daughter & myself.

We knew we needed to get busy trying to conceive due to our 5 year age difference but, we never dreamed it would be so difficult. Shortly after our first month of marriage I realized that I was pregnant. We weren't expecting it to happen this quickly but, weren't preventing it either. After 8 weeks we learned there was no heartbeat. We were overwhelmed with confusion & grief...what had happened!? I connected with a physician who's specialty is ultrasound & immediately made the hour long drive to have him ultrasound me.

He confirmed there was not only no heartbeat but, no blood supply and could say with a fair amount of certainty that is was due to a chromosomal abnormality. I elected at that point to have a D & C. After a few months of grief, recovery & careful consideration we decided to try again. Within 6 months I was pregnant again, only to lose it at 6 wks. Again we were confused & overwhelmed...what had happened? It was so early & such a sudden onset that I didn't have time to consult with anyone.

I went to the ER and was told it was measuring at only 4wks & there was obvious signs that I was going to lose this pregnancy. How could this be happening again!? My husband was less than emotional this time; he was detached of this pregnancy for this very reason. I felt so alone & depressed. We sought genetic counseling & I have endured more blood tests than I care to recount. Again we decided to try again, this time nothing was happening & as time went on my periods grew more & more irregular.

We sought the advice of a reproductive endocrinologist. Surely, this would be it!? The first cycle of Clomid wasn't terrible, a few hot flashes & some moodiness...Nothing. The second cycle of Clomid...WE WERE PREGNANT!! We were so excited & encouraged we were overjoyed. Then one afternoon I began experiencing cramping, I assumed some potential ligament pain that would pass, & then I started to bleed...I was terrified it was happening again.

I spoke to my specialist & was assured that this may not be what I think. I went to the ER, my HCG level was fine; my ultrasound should a subchorionic bleed. Common in a lot of 1st trimester pregnancies, does carry some elevated risk of miscarriage but, usually resolves itself. Encouraging news, I was scheduled to have a scan with my RE in two days. On that scan everything had resolved, no more bleeding or cramping. I was told it was a definite intrauterine pregnancy & to worry only one more week.

The following week we learned I would miscarry. MY GOD, not again! I have spent most of my 20's in an attempt not to be a single parent x2...why now that I want children can I not give my 25yr old husband the child that he so desperately wants. I feel like a failure. Not only that but, everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant. Not to diminish their happiness or my happiness for them but, I want another child with my husband.

He has been supportive & reassures me that we have our daughter...which makes me want to cry considering that she isn't his biological child, he is content with having her. I will undergo some more testing & again go back on the hormones within a few months. It just never gets any easier & once you are pregnant the skepticism takes over.

I hope for all of you healthy & happy children :) cause I know I'm not willing to concede just yet!!! Though we have been through 3 miscarriages & possibly more I know it will be worth it once we hold that baby we so long for.


Karen

Am About to Give up

I was trying to conceive for almost 3 years now, off and on the pills to control my irregular period, it didn't work just messed it up even more. After the pill I surfed the net and ran across a pill call FERTILAID, it didn't help me conceive but it regulated my period.

I was on it for 2 months but they recommend you to use it for 3 months, but after trying so long I give up on the pill cause I was feeling less than a woman. The doctor checked me out and said everything is alright with me, he didn't see anything wrong (but most of the doctors don't care they just want to get paid) he put me on clomid 50mg the first month.

I took it one day 1 as he recommend me, I started feeling some changes in my body as I started to get light cramps, and tender breast (Clomid side effects), the 2 time on clomid I take it on day 2 nothing happen, I prayed to God and ask him for a blessing, up to today before my eyes even open I pray to God and ask for a blessing, sometime I wonder what did I do to course this on my self.

I am 19 going on 20 my BF really wants a child, and I feel deep down inside that I can't give him what he really wan, all he do all day is just talk about how he's going to have his lil girl all sexy up, and I feel that if I cant give him it he'll go somewhere else and get it, I really wan to have that joyous feeling of carrying an pushing out a whole baby, just to see that look upon your baby face when it enter into the world.

Sometimes I feel so down when I've notice younger girls 13 and older are having babies and am not, Sometimes I just wan to commit suicide because of my anger, now am saving up for IVF hopefully it’ll work but it's my last choice then I'll let Nature take its course


Khiah

Inspiration

I am inspired by all who write on this site. You all have such hope and strength. I'm trying to get my second child after being very lucky in getting my first daughter, who is almost two years old. It is a long and tough road. Hang in there, and lets pray together.

Ariel

Currently doing IVF

Am currently doing IVF, had the embryo transfer on Sunday and now awaiting for the test results if we are positive...

This is our first try at IVF, so we hold thumbs; this is not covered by medical insurance so it is a huge financial strain. We have done artificial insemination, clomid, injections, this is our last shot.

I am in bed, taking it easy.....and 5 days left for the preg test, I am going crazy with worry........will this be the time? I’ve been trying for 15 years.

Tazz Omar

DON'T LOSE HOPE!

Hi I'm 33 and my husband is 38 we have been trying to conceive for almost 5 yrs now. After yrs we found out I had endometriosis, tubal blockage and damage and that we would never be able to conceive a baby on our own it was recommended that we do IVF, but that was a problem because we didn't have the funds or insurance at that time and adoption is so expensive so we waited. Everyday I was losing hope little by little.

I believe I have an angel above because 1 yr and 1/2 ago I found a new job and the insurance covered IVF 1 time fully. Since then we have moved and in Jan we started to prepare to try this but we have hit speed bumps along the way set aside my issues that we already knew about we found out that I was running out of eggs and of all things my husband has issues now too!

A few weeks ago I had surgery to prepare my tubes for IVF and next week will start my first cycle for IVF. So the only thing I can say is keep the faith, and have hope! That’s what I do everyday, there is not a guarantee this is going to work but I'm sure hoping and praying it does.


sherri