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losing hope

well, today i'm depressed and needed someone to talk to but everyone is sick of hearing about me not being able to have another baby by now or at least i think they are.... its been almost 4 years since we've had a vasectomy reversal everything went great sperm is present motility is at 6 anything under 6 is considered low.. i have had surgery to remove cysts off my ovaries in october and now were told there is no reason why we can't become pregnant and the doctor says the next 3 months are the highest in conceiving well 2 months are all ready gone bye and i'm discouraged already and thinking this is never gonna happen ...i keep telling myself that i need to start accepting that this may never happen...i'm not i can bring myself to accept that..its been putting strain on my marriage because its all i think about please help me someone

tracey

the next step

Hello ladies, I came acroos this board while seeking answers and inspiration....
My partner and I have a beautiful although at times times strange 14yr old duaghter named Ciara, we've been together 4 8 yrs. We've been ttc 4 about 5 we first started with just clomid and a donor (AI) of course but the first round didn't work so the next year we tried again with a differenty donor still no luck.
I am 33 now and she is 53. We want desperately to share the experience and pregnancy and child/children birth so we started our clomid regimine on Dec17th 50mg 4 5 days then I had a trigger (2000iui) pregnyl on the 23rd aroung 730 that morining my opks were - until about 130 I started seeing 2 lines we hooked up and made planes immediately with out donor and inseminated around 730 that evening.. All this done @ home we got an insemination kit from nw cryobank clomid(fertomid) from freedom-pharmacy.com and pregnyl from drugdelivery.com. The timing couldn't have been more perfect... we are aware of the risk of mutiples even high order multiples. But we say the creator will not put nore on us than we can bare.. Bring on the babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love this board I wish every1 love peace happines and babies in the year to come.. So let it... Ashé

lynn

God keeps His promises

we are now married for 8 years and we are still so much in love as ever! we fell pregnant after a year of being married but sadly at 2 months I had a misscarriage! it was devestating!
we haven't been able to fall pregnant yet since then but the reason why I am posting this is because we want to encourage other with the same situation. i went for lots of tests and they discovered that my tubes are blocked from infection due to the misscarraige. we had 2 oppurtunities to go for IVF but both times we decided not to go as we are trusting God for His perfect timing. and believe me! Gods timing is always perfect!i am not saying that this is easy or has been easy till now but having God in your heart really gets us through it! we have learnt that God never takes you TO Something but He takes you THROUGH it!
it is certainly NOT easy when everyone around you is getting pregnant and having babies but we now that when our time comes it will be perfect.we give God ALL the glory and we put our lives in His capable hands.
i thank u for your time

may u be inspired.
mail me if anyone wants to comment.

God bless

:-)

Ronelle

Ronelle

dont give up

piper i know how you feel what you feel the anger confusion its okay its normal i go thru he same feelings and emotions not knowing when or why for us maybe why not.

its okay were human maybe this is all for a reason to make us learn from this so we can help other people struggle i read your story at work and almost broke down because its like you voiced how i feel sometimes i wont lie even though im on a new journey to being positive about my situation when my periods comes i rebell and hate the world cant bare to see pregnant women or babies. but thats not the way to go we should be happy. i want to encourage you we will get pregnant i have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 2 i am 24 and has been trying since i was 18 and still nothing people getting married after be getting pregnant before me i can tell you so much stories about it all. i have found serenity in god i have let go and let god i have told him my problems i have broke down to him and just let go i cant take it anymore i dont want to continue on anymore.

piper i dont know if you believe in god the almighty and im not here to pressure yo but im telling you talking to him in the night crying tohim when no one is around helps me so much i love him so much just try it pray to him let him now how yor feeling hes there you will see and start to feel him i know me and my husband will get pregnant i know we will be a successs story 7 years 2009 is a new year and im not letting ti pass me bye im taking all the measures to get pregnant and become parents. go to the doctors encouraged go to the doctors with god in your heart holding your hand telling you its going to be alright that soon you will be holding the baby that god is craddling for us just waiting to give it to us.

i dont kow why this has or is happening for us more like not happening for us but in the mean time i want to serve and praise jesus the almighty piper he is a god of miracles read the chapter of samuel in the bible and his mother hannah wo was tormented by other women who was depressed and had a sorrowful heart because god has shut up her womb but one night she went into the chapel to pray and a prohphet came to her and told her god heard you hannah and he is now going to bless you she never gave up she never gave in she kept praying and god heard her and she had many more children after and she gave her first son to god she asked god for a son and he gave her just that isnt that a miracle.

pray for your husband pray for yourself and pray for your situation its going to be alright we will be in the 1st trimester forum all the way to the third and come back in here encouraging other women to be strong. i still go thru my days where i hate myself but then god sees me thru. I hope this has helped you but again were in this all together i wa stold i cant have children on my own but god says something different. good luck no god be with you in faith to the future.

freddy

MyStory

I just came across this website and so much of what everyone is going through I have felt, and have thought myself alone. I'm so relieved that others have had the same thoughts, and I'm uplifted by everyone's encouragement.

I'm 36 1/2 (Isn't it funny how you start counting half years when you are older and trying to conceive, like you're a kid again), and I've been married for over 13 years to my husband. We have been TTC for almost 2 years. I know what you're asking, why did we wait so long to TTC? The answer is, because I'm an idiot. In my 20s I wasn't "ready"; then we had a rocky patch in our marriage; then I hemmed and hawed for a couple years. At 34, I was like "Let's give it a shot", all nonchalant and everything. I thought we would get pregnant without a problem. I had no history of issues and neither did my husband. I'd been on the Pill since I was 19, but as far as I knew, that was the only potential issue.

Obviously, we haven't been successful yet. I've used OPKs, Basal Temperature, and Fertility Awareness Method, and no luck. We saw a specialist about 6 months in and the HCG showed I "may" have a blocked tube (the test wasn't conclusive, but it was uncomfortable); the ultrasound showed I produce more follicles than normal; and apparently my husbands sperm is "slightly" clumpy. The doctor thinks all these "minor" issues, plus my age, are conspiring against us.

The thing is, my husband doesn't really want kids, especially not this late (he's 40). He's trying to be supportive, but he just can't empathize with me. I was pretty ambivilant about kids myself until I couldn't conceive, now I feel the loss keenly.

I've made up my mind to undergo IUI either in January or February. Or if the doctor recommends Clomid alone first, I'll do that. My husband and I both do not want to do IVF and my husband does not want to adopt. So if IUI/Clomid doesn't work, I'll have to cope with my reality.

I blame myself. I hate myself for starting so late and for being so naive about conceiving. I punish myself mentally and physically (through aggressive exercising) after my periods. I'm afraid I will live an empty life and die alone. I'm afraid I will become uptight and bitter. I'm afraid I will devote my life to my work and retire empty and dissatisfied. I'm afraid of IUI, but I'm going to force myself to do it. If I don't, I'll REALLY hate myself for not trying everything within my and my husband's limits.

Even worse, I'm afraid I'll get pregnant and everything that goes with it. I just wanted fate to decide for me (which apparently it has but I'm not willing to accept). A natural pregnancy means I'm meant to be a mom, forcing a pregnancy is tempting fate. At least that's what the devil on my shoulder keeps saying.

Whew, that was long, but good to get out. I look forward to reading this over and marvelling over my many neuroses. Maybe on paper I'll see them for what they are.

Please someone out there, be my voice of reason and encouragement!

Good luck to all of us!

piper