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Too Beautiful for Earth - revisited

You may read my story from years ago - about 21 pages from here... labeled "Too beautiful for earth" My lovely Sophia - my how I miss you years later - like it was yesterday.
If your here you are hurt, and maybe a bit lost. Me too. I lost my first girl, Sophia Christine Dec 26, 2010 - oh god do I miss the time before I knew she had passed... the concerns, worries, hopes, dreams... now gone transformed to sadness, heartache. I hate this site because it reminds me of my loss. I love this site because it allows me to remember. I now have two boys, god how lucky am I to be able to type that I have two healthy boys. And what I wouldn't give to also be able to say three healthy kids - including my little sophie, but I guess I don't get to have that wish come true. Life goes on, feelings of loss linger. If you are reading this, I'm sorry love from a stranger who hurts too. My advice - feel the sadness and just know little by little you will feel better again. Also, obviously we regret and would change anything to have a different road to take that would give us our babies lost that alone says how much you love your little angel.. I guess that's why we aren't god... I would do anything to go back and change the outcome, almost no matter the cost, I can' see beyond my own pain, my inability to protect the one thing on earth I should. Can you hear it is my voice? It is so raw and yet over four years time separates me from the moment I found out Sophia would never laugh, cry, hug me, hold me hand... It will always be that painful, but that is just all the more love I have for her. God tell Sophia that mommy, daddy and her little brother love her so much.

Jackie

My little Angel

Okay well I am 16, 17 in a couple days.
I fell pregnant on the 31st of October 2014, I knew I was pregnant about 2-3 days after conception. I kept telling my partner I was, but he said he wasn't sure, but he was excited. Me and him have been together for 1 year on October 24th. Anyway on my 4 week of being pregnant I took a test to prove I was right, so I did my thing and peed on the stick, it came up positive straight away. I showed him and he was happy but angry at the same time, he got more comfortable with the idea over the next 2 days. We planned to tell my family on the 25th of december CHRISTMAS! But sadly on the 1st of December 2014 I had miscarried. I thought "there could still be hope!" But I worked up enough corrage to go to the doctors and took another test, it was negitive. He gave me a form to get a blood test but i never went, I was to heartbroken, I didnt cry until one night me and my partner had a fight and brought it up. Well now I may be expecting again and hopefully everything goes well.

Good luck and baby dust to all of you <3 xo

Mabbz

Mama's Angels

My name is Elisabeth. I am 18 years old, and I have 3 handsome sons, Anthony, Michael, Zach, and a beautiful little girl, Lucy. They all live in Heaven with their great-grandfather.
I was raped when I was 16 years old, twice by the same man. Two sets of twins were the result. I was petrified when I found out I was pregnant the first time. But I stayed strong for my boys, who wouldn't want to see their mommy falling to pieces.
Several weeks along I started getting sick: throwing up, and I was swelling up pretty bad. I was 3 weeks along when I discovered I was pregnant. Abortion was out of the question, that is murder to an innocent baby and should be forbade. Adoption was also out of the window, because these babies were mine, and regardless of whether their dad was a piece of shit or not, they were still mine.
The first half of my pregnancy went pretty uneventfully and was going great. At 20 weeks, I discovered I was having twin boys: One I named Anthony, and one I named Michael. I was happy, and all was great, until one day..
I had gone over to my boyfriend at the times' house for a barbecue. We got into an argument and he punched me in the back and pushed me over, extremely hard. I fell down frontwards, and tried to put my arms out to protect my babies in my tummy, but I hit the ground so fast that My reflexes could not act quick enough.
An onlooker at the barbecue called 911, and the paramedics arrived 10 minutes later. I was in tears, and clutching my belly the whole time, praying that my twins were not hurt.
An ultrasound was done at the hospital to see if by some miracle the twins were alright. I saw the look on the Radiology Techs face, and I immediately knew. I was 29 weeks pregnant.
Sadly, the force of the fall was too much for the twins, and I miscarried 2 days later. I delivered my sweet peas on December 16th, 2011.
Several months after I had miscarried my first set of twins, The same man who had raped me the first time, struck again. And about 10 weeks following, I once again fell Pregnant. I was angry, but at the same time I was overjoyed. Maybe this was my second chance! Maybe this is God's way of giving back to me what was taken away so unfairly.
The first 13 weeks of
My second pregnancy passed, and at my 12 week scan, I discovered I was once again having twins. Boy, was I excited! I was so happy, and At 15 weeks, I was informed I would be having one boy and one girl. One I named Zach, and the other was Lucy.
I reached 21 weeks, and the unthinkable happened: I miscarried again. This time due to placental abruption. I was crushed, and I bawled for weeks on end. I never went to the hospital to have a D&C done, I wanted to pass my babies in the peace of my own home, away from everyone.
I delivered my angels 4 days later, on November 20th, 2012. They were tiny and beautiful,
Mamas sleeping angels.

Mommy loves you all
����

Elisabeth

5 losses

Where do I begin...I've lost 5 pregnancies. 3 were tubal and 2 were miscarriages. I feel so alone and wonder if I'm the only one this has happened to. It just seems so odd that ive lost 5. My boyfriend and family cant relate to me and how I feel. Is there anybody out there who is struggling like I am to conceive? Why does this keep happening? I'm lost for words and confused.

Elisabeth

My Angel

18 days ago, on November 20th 2014 I experienced the toughest day of my entire life. Everything started back in January, when I found out I was pregnant with my first child only to have an early miscarriage at 5 weeks. This was tough in itself, but we put our focus on trying again and it happened fairly quickly.

On April 23rd 2014 I saw those two lines and was beyond excited to be pregnant again. I booked and paid for an early ultrasound just to ease my mind and that was the start of what seemed to be a perfect pregnancy. I had very little morning sickness and I felt great and in the summer we found out we were expecting a little boy. Not only were my husband and I over the moon, but his seven year old daughter was excited to be a big sister.

Things continued to go smoothly into the third trimester. I had a beautiful big round belly and that little boy was non stop action. I absolutely loved to snuggle on the couch and rest my hands on my belly and feel his kicks and pokes. Come mid October I was in the midst of Christmas preparations and getting baby stuff set up because a New Years Eve Due date meant stuff needed to be ready early. I was smiling ear to ear as things started to fall into place.

Then On Thursday November 20th I woke up and said my usual good morning to my wiggly little man before heading to the hospital for a routine Non stress Test that was only booked because my doctor was on his hospital rotation and couldn't see me in his office. I walked in thinking maybe I would find out how big he was or if they thought my due date was still the same but moments into the appointment I could tell something was wrong.

My nurse was searching for the heartbeat and wasn't having any luck locating it. Having my own Doppler at home I knew it never took this long to find it, and I'd just listened to his little heart going at 147bpm the night before. She assured me that he had probably just gotten himself into a position where we couldn't find it as easily.

After trying for 10 minutes (what seemed like an eternity as I was becoming panicked) my doctor came in and decided to send me for an ultrasound. Shortly after the ultrasound I received the news that would change my life forever. "I don't know how to say this, and I'm sorry, but there is no heartbeat"... What... They're kidding right?!

At this point I just felt numb, I couldn't breathe as tears streamed down my face. The doctor offered to call my husband, but I knew I needed to tell him myself. He raced to the hospital from work almost an hour away and when he first walked into my room and held me in his arms I realized this was actually happening... Our son was gone.

My brain couldn't process anything at this point as doctors and nurses were in and out with questions and paperwork. We chose to have an emergency c section because our little boy was breech and we didn't want to go through sitting at home and waiting for labour to start.

Three hours after finding out my baby had no heartbeat, I was laying in the OR, my entire world shattered. When they took him out and cleaned him up, they brought my son over for me to see. He was absolutely beautiful. He looked so perfect... I think that made things more difficult because I just couldn't understand...

When I finally made it back to my room, they brought my son back in for me to hold. I kissed his perfect little face and held him and just cried. This is not how I imagined meeting my baby. He was 6lb 3oz and looked like a sleeping angel. His brave big sister came in and met him,prayed for him and said her goodbyes and that broke my heart into a million pieces.

I've said my goodbyes to my son who we named Ciaran James, but I haven't for a single minute stopped thinking about him. I will carry him in my heart for the rest of my life. A piece of me will always be missing because he is up in Heaven looking down on mommy, daddy and big sis. We love you always baby boy.

Ashley