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not again

i have just had my second miscarrage at 6 months and im heartbroken ,ive been sat here reading some of your storys and it helps to know that what im feeling is normal because i feel like im on my own right now my husband is great but i feel that he doesnt understand im the one that carried him im the one that give birth to him im the one that sits here day after day crying and no one can help they say i have a incompetant cervix thats why its happened again has anyone had this and have u gone on to have anymore children if u have plz let me know thanks .

michelle

What makes a mom

What Makes a Mother?

I thought of you and closed my eyes
and prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
when your baby is not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
with confidence in his voice
"I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
and others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
but there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared his throat,
and then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
with all the other children and say

"We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
but I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
on her pillow's were I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'"

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
and this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
until your lesson's through.
and on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gate for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
it's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
right from the very start

Though some on Earth may not realize,
you are a Mother
until their time is done.
they'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"

Written by: Jennifer Wasik

Ashley

Michael Lance

My name is Ashley Schramm i was 22 in half weeks pregnant when I loss my baby boy. I remember how shocked everyone was when they found out I was pregnant. there were a lot of different emotions from everyone even myself. I was scared and shocked but me and bobby decided to bring this child into the world and give him the best life we possibly could. I had my ups and downs in the pregnancy but I was excited I couldn’t wait till February 7, 2009 to hold my baby for the first time.

Then the only thing that never crossed my mind happened on October 7,2008 I am might lose my baby boy. Saturday I was looking at baby shower receptions and now today I am empty with no baby kicking me anymore, no one to talk to anymore and nothing to look forward to on feb 7, 2009.

I Remember right before I gave birth that it hit me my baby was dead.
to describe the pain, the utter despair I felt then. I had always told myself that bad things happen to good people and someday I would be put to the test. I guess I didn't really believe it though, because I was so surprised. It had never occurred to me that I might lose this baby.

"I love you so much my precious boy! I can't wait to meet you someday! I am so sorry this happened!"

Ashley

Cielina

Cielina Elizabeth Ryan Hazen....we already picked the name.
We were looking for a bigger apartment.
We playfully fought over the spelling of her name...I wanted Cielina he wanted Ceilina. He said it looked prettier in cursiv writing.
Iv had 7 miscarriages before this one.
I never knew i was pregnant with the others.
My partner Is an alcoholic...He was to drunk to go to the hospital with me when the bleeding got worse. He worked at the hospital and he was the one to always take care of me and Cielina when we came in with complications.
19 YRS old and i did it alone cause he was to drunk to be with me.
I have no parents...
I have no close friends...
I only had me....I was losing the only person that would have loved me unconditionaly.

When i got home he had heard from a friend but never came to the hospital. He didnt grab my arm. He didnt let me cry, He blames me. He wanted me to move out. this was october 21st. Im still bleeding and the pain is unbearable. I have nobody to tell my story to and im grateful for this right now. The pain wont stop. Its unlike any other. "not meant to be" just dont cut it for me.... I needed this baby. I needed to love the right person.....

Valencia

Grief

Our son George was stillborn on October 20th 2008 at 20 weeks 5 days. I know that "technically" this is a miscarriage but after going through labour and holding that tiny beautiful perfect baby it somehow seems a totally inadequate term.


Grief is a strange companion. It's not really welcome but along with my physical pain it is a strange continuing link to the tiny life that we have lost. I'm not hanging on to my pain, believe me, I want it gone! I'm simply telling you how it is.

It is a raw wound only a week old.

On saturday I left the house on for the first time since leaving the hospital and I wanted the world to have stopped; to have taken a grand pause with us but of course it hadn't. It was bustling along as normal. My partner Ray felt it even more acutely when he went out on his own a few days earlier.

It reminded me of the W H Auden poem, "Stop all the clocks". How can normal life go on in the world after an event of this magnitude?

We deal with our grief in different ways. I held our baby and I have photographs and a card with hand and footprints. Ray saw George when he was born but doesn't feel the need to see him again nor look at the photographs. That's his way. With me sadness sweeps over me and tears just flow at odd times, my brother sent me a lovely card; I fit into my jeans again on Saturday. For Ray there's a feeling of flatness and depression, little things make him well up such as a silly advert. Fortunately we can and do talk long and late about how we are feeling and we hold each other up in the bleak moments. This has brought us even closer together if that is possible and I feel incredibly lucky to have this extraordinary love in my life. Sometimes there aren't enough words to express it.

I know that everything each of us is feeling is normal and natural. Grief is an unwelcome guest but fortunately not one that stays forever although, we will always carry the memory of our perfect tiny baby made with love. As for the future. I am going to get myself better physically and then we are going to try to get pregnant again. We have so much love that it would be a crime not to share it!

On Saturday we are going to collect our son George from the hospital and bury him in a peaceful pretty natural place. This poem kind of sort of explains my beliefs about death and beyond. We are all stardust.


We Two—How Long We were Fool’d
Walt Whitman. Leaves of Grass.


WE two—how long we were fool’d!
Now transmuted, we swiftly escape, as Nature escapes;
We are Nature—long have we been absent, but now we return;
We become plants, leaves, foliage, roots, bark;
We are bedded in the ground—we are rocks;
We are oaks—we grow in the openings side by side;
We browse—we are two among the wild herds, spontaneous as any;
We are two fishes swimming in the sea together;
We are what the locust blossoms are—we drop scent around the lanes, mornings and evenings;
We are also the coarse smut of beasts, vegetables, minerals;
We are two predatory hawks—we soar above, and look down;
We are two resplendent suns—we it is who balance ourselves, orbic and stellar—we are as two comets;
We prowl fang’d and four-footed in the woods—we spring on prey;
We are two clouds, forenoons and afternoons, driving overhead;
We are seas mingling—we are two of those cheerful waves, rolling over each other, and interwetting each other;
We are what the atmosphere is, transparent, receptive, pervious, impervious:
We are snow, rain, cold, darkness—we are each product and influence of the globe;
We have circled and circled till we have arrived home again—we two have;
We have voided all but freedom, and all but our own joy.



W. H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Barbara