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our baby is gone

we were 11 wks. I had bleeding all the way through - but nothing that wasnot considered normal. really light, no cramps - we had it during our 1st trimester with our first son. suddenly on wednesday I felt sharp, sharp pain in my back. very bad cramps and alot of blood and clots. It carried on through the night. Our appointment was friday. I didn't want to rush in. I knew what happened. It was confirmed on Friday - strangely enough - I thought perhaps our baby is still there. no. It was our last pregnancy. we have 3 other children. I really thought miscarriages don't happen to us.... the sad thing, it knows no barriers. I wanted this pregnancy, I was happy with the sickness, tiredness. I miss it. The bleeding is just a reminder of whats not there anymore. the worst is not having anything physical to mourn. so, my heart goes to all the other mothers who have lost yesterdays, todays and the ones that will lose tomorrow.

elly

Feel like i was in a dream

I was 3 mths pregnant and starting spotting last Monday. I called my dr and told her that I was spotting brown blood and she didn't act too concerned. It came and went nothing major brown spotting only when I wiped on the tissue. I called Wednesday to let them know that in the brown spotting was a little blood. She said when she finally called back that I could come in the next day to hear the heart beat to reassure me. I got of the phone with her no sooner than i did I noticed red blood and then a two small clots. I knew then I was miscarrying. I called my mom to take me to the ER and told her what was going on. We got there and waited forever and then took my bp and temp all looked good. Then they called me back for blood work and then waited half the night for the results. Finally they came back they checked me and the dr seen alot of blood in my uterus. She said my cervix was still closed and mucus plug still intack. I had seen the heart beat at 7wks and now was 9wks and this was happening. She told me I was having a possible threaten miscarriage. She gave me the results of my blood work and wanted me to follow up with my dr the next day. I went to my dr the next day no appt just walk in . The nurse took me back to listen to the heart beat and she couldn't find it. She then got the ultrasound machine and brought in another dr. She told me not to panic that maybe it was because i was so early. The dr came it on my stomach she couldn't see much . So they did a vaginal ultrasound .She still said she could really see anything . She went across the hall and got me in with the bigger ultrasound . This was the high tech ones. Finally went back there and the lady did the vaginal one. She measured my ovaries and then looked at my uterus and then I said is that the baby and she said yes and was measuring it. I then said it's dead isn't it. She said yes I am sorry there is no heart beat. It looks like it stopped growing and died. She then said it had been dead 2wks. I was so hurt and empty when she told me that. The dr came in and said that they would do a d&c . I said no that i would go home and do it on my own. They explained to me what to expect and all . I was also told what to look for that was wrong heavy bleeding. I am still trying to figure out what went wrong!! I am so empty inside and feel that I am in a dream. I don't understand what happened . I have a healthy beautiful 7 yr old daughter. Why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong? I want to try again but am very scared. I know in my heart of hearts it was girl. I will never forget this baby as long as I live . What a blessing to feel her growing inside me even if it was only 3ths. My heart aches and longs to hold her but know that I will in heaven!!

sherri

Trying to understand

I was 12.5 weeks along. I had some spotting at 7 weeks and 9 weeks. At 9 weeks the ultrasound tech found a less than cm bruise on the placenta. Doctor told me that they see it all the time not to worry. She could tell that this news concerned me so she scheduled an ultrasound for "piece of mind". That day came. Election Day. I was so excited to see the baby. I went into the ultrasound room excited. I had to have an internal ultrasound because it was still early. After a few minutes, I knew something was wrong because he didn't turn the monitor toward me to see the heartbeat. I asked her, knowing the answer, "Is there a heartbeat"? She said no, she wasn't finding one. I was histarical. I didn't know what to do. My joy went to pain quick. I had to call my husband and he was devastated. He joined me at the office and they give me my options. I chose to have a D&C that Thursday. It is the hardest thing that I have ever been through. We sent the fetus to have testing done. The hardest of all was telling my 3.5 year old son that the baby was gone. VERY DIFFICULT. We come to the conclusion that things happen for a reason and I hope next time will be okay. At first I blamed myself, but now I have realized that there was really nothing that I could have done to prevent it.

Thanks

Angela

Little One Gone

Hello to everyone ... first of all I would like to say I am sorry for the reason that we are all on here and have come together ... my prayers go out to everyone.

I just miscarried my second pregnancy this past Saturday 11/11/06. I was married on Sept. 23rd, and we were married 7 wks and 6.5 weeks pregnant at the time. Everything seemed perfect and just how we planned so this has been an EXTREMELY difficult thing to handle. I knew I was pregnant the day we concieved and was confirmed as soon as I took our home preg. test. I started getting spotting Friday night and minor cramping, and then just got worse on Saturday until I ended up in the ER getting pelvic exams, blood work, and ended up having to get a vaginal ultrasound. It was such a draining experience, especially since the ER doesn't let your partner go back with you for any tests, so that was the worst part, sitting there for an ultrasound with no support through it. Now I am just on an emotional roller coaster. I am devestated, but one minute I will be mad at the world, the next I will just be balling my eyes out, the next I will be grateful that it happened so early and that if the baby was not healthy the decision was taken out of my hands ... I don't know how exactly to start dealing with the loss. Right now I still am going through the physical process ... my body naturally aborted so I thankfully avioded a D&C, but I still am bleeding and cramping which is just constant reminder to me of what happened. We already know that we want another baby, and have 1 healthy one. We are praying that this was just an act of god and it was taken because something was wrong with the baby and that we will be able to concieve with a healthy pregnancy. I am just completely terrified of having to go through all of this all over again, or not being ale to get pregnant at all. How soon is too soon, and are you ever really completely ready after something like this happens???

Christie

Little one lost

Four weeks ago today I experienced the most devastating loss of my life. I miscarried at 7weeks. I have four beautiful daughters from a previous marriage. That marriage ended in abuse. Almost two years ago I met the love of my life and we got married almost a year ago. We had always talked about kids but early on he decided that four was enough for him and I was on the pill so no big deal. I was kind of sad he didn't want to have any with me but like he said four is alot. I still hoped that one day he wold change his mind and we could create our own piece of love to live on. It did happen and he decided that he wanted to try. I went off the pill and immediately became pregnant. He was so happy. So was I . I have never seen a man so in love with a child he has never held. We picked out names and he rubbed my belly every night before we fell asleep. Then seven weeks in I started to bleed. The doctor said it was a possibility that I was miscarrying but not to worry cause some bleeding can happen. We went home where my huband hovered over me and i prayed constantly. My prayers were not answered becasue the next mornng I woke up bellding heavily. Another trip to the doctors confirmed our fears. We lost our little one. We spent the day crying in each other's arms. We are slowly healing and have decided to try again as soon as we can. We miss our little one and hope to one day be reunited with him or her.

Christina