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I Luv U Nevaeh! Mommy misses u so much

I was pregnant with my first child & was so excited. When I was about 8 weeks along, I woke up one night and was spotting. I was worried and went to the hospital. I lost the baby due to a blighted ovum. I went home and later that night I woke up again and the bleeding was ridiculous. I had to go to the ER and spend 14 hours bleeding straight. Coming home was the hardest part. Most women that go to the hospital pregnant and leave not pregnant have a precious baby with them. But I had nothing but a broken heart.

I lay there wishing I could hear a baby crying, but I was in a quiet house. I went through a period of time where all I did was cry & then about a week later I was furious. At one point I thought that I actually hated God. And I was also mad at the women who get abortions and treat life like it’s not a miracle. I just missed being pregnant. It’s been 4 weeks and I still think about the baby constantly and cry so much. And it made me madder to know that miscarriages "just happen". Like you either get lucky or you don’t.

My doctor even told me that he never would have thought this would happen because at my first ultrasound (6wks) the baby had a healthy heartbeat. Every Saturday that comes along I get sad because I know the baby should be a week older. In a couple days the baby should be 13 weeks. I just haven't fully accepted the fact yet and sometimes have dreams that this loss is a nightmare; and in these dreams I wake up from the nightmares and I see a little baby. But then when I wake up in real life, the baby's not there.

When this first happened I wanted to be pregnant again immediately; I guess in my mind I could replace that emptiness and act like nothing happened. I want to get pregnant again really soon, but have to wait 3 months. One question that I need answered is whether or not the baby really is in heaven. I believe it, but at the same time I have my doubts. I guess we'll find out eventually. Everyone keeps telling me that the baby is taken care of where he or she is. But I think that a baby is better in the arms of their mother and not someone else.

Though I am thankful that I wasn't further along, it still hurts. A lot of people don't understand this. It happens to so many people so they think that u should "just get over it". I know ill never get over it, and I just don't know what to do. I'm heartbroken and helpless. I just want to hold my little baby. Please pray for me and pray that my next baby lives. I don't think I could go thru that again.


Luv u always and forever baby,



Lauren

Please Help Me

I am a 33-year-old woman who has had 15 operations to do with my womb. I have suffered from endometriosis since age 9. I had a myomectomy at 21 and several operations to remove adhesions - the last of which was September 2006. To our surprise we became pregnant naturally after that operation and we were due to start IVF this year.

I had numerous problems with the pregnancy and was still suffering badly with morning sickness (I am 20wks +4 days). I went today for my first antenatal clinic appointment and the doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat. He sent me for a scan and they told me my baby is dead. Oh God, I am shattered. I don’t know what to do.

I have been given a tablet and told to return on Thursday at 12 so they can give me another tablet, which will start the labor. We had a scan on the 19th Jan and everything looked fine. We were booked in for the anomaly on the 16th Feb. I don’t know why this has happened and I am so very low and scared. I was told for 11 years I would never be pregnant and all our joy has gone.

I am so scared about the labor and the loss of my little "nutmeg" as we called the baby. I don’t know why I a writing this as I can’t offer anyone any support. I just need to tell someone out there who may be going through this you are not alone. I want the doctors to be wrong but they say they are 100% certain my baby is dead.

Please can someone pray for me? I am so very, very scared.

I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes as I am crying so much as I type. I just want my baby to be alive again.


Lorraine

He's in a better place.

I was so excited to feel my little one kick that I knew he was gone before I went to the hospital. Every time he kicked I rubbed him softly and spoke to him. The day he stopped kicking I knew something was wrong. I continued to speak to him and rub him in order to possibly wake him up and make him move.

After 2 days of no kicking, I called my Dr. I went to the Dr. and he tried to find his heartbeat with the Doppler. When no heartbeat was found I prepared myself for the worst. We went into the ultrasound room and he performed the ultrasound. No heartbeat movement. I felt as if my world was ending. I let the Dr. induce my labor. I delivered Corey two days later.

While in the hospital waiting to deliver I went through a variety of emotions. I also thought about suicide. I blamed myself and also GOD!! It has been 3 weeks since I held my child and I am so glad that I at least had a chance to hold him in my arms for as long as I needed to.


Kattie

desperately in need of a little one after Preston

I wrote about losing Preston, my little baby boy in September 2006. Every day is a little better than the last but I grief for him every day. I lost Preston at 6 1/2 months; Christmas Day was absolutely horrible for me since it was his due date. That day it hit me like a slap of reality that I will never lay eyes on Preston until my last day here on earth. I didn't see my son when I delivered him and I must say I regret that the most.

Since I lost him I've been desperately trying to have another baby. I waited for one month before trying again and foolishly thought I'd get pregnant right away. Unfortunately that isn't the case. Every month when my period comes I feel like my dream of becoming a mom dies a little. My dr. felt sorry for me at my last checkup and prescribed Clomid even though he says it's a bit soon to think there is a problem. So I am waiting anxiously to start it on my next cycle. Hopefully I will get my wish.

I know my next pregnancy will be difficult because I have an incompetent cervix (I discovered that with Preston) but I welcome the chance to have a little one in my arms.

Losing a baby is the hardest experience you could ever go through and you ladies have my sympathies. Every day I muster up the courage to face the day without my Preston in my arms. I hope I'll be lucky to have a little brother or sister for him to look over from heaven.


kimmey

Loss of my little one

I knew on Tuesday, before any physical signs that something was wrong. As I sat in my office at work, I was overwhelmed with this emotion...and I just knew. Wednesday morning when I woke up, I went to the bathroom, and there on the toilet paper was a brownish discharge. I FREAKED. I decided to go to work, and called the nurse first thing. She said it was normal and since I had a scheduled appointment on Friday that I shouldn't worry. Well on Thursday the discharge was red and there was more of it. The doctor decided to do an internal ultrasound that afternoon.

With my husband beside me holding my hand, I saw the first picture of my little baby...the reason that the past 12 weeks had been the happiest of my life. And then the doctor said the words that changed my life, "There is no heartbeat". My whole world caved in on me at that moment! After sitting in a fog of disbelief that night, I decided that my need for closure outweighed my fear of surgery, and I scheduled a D&C for Monday morning. Well Friday night, nature decided to take its course and I miscarried my baby at my mother's house! Life could not get any worse. But it did, that night I had "labor" pains for almost 17 hours, and bled throughout the night.

The next morning the doctor decided that I had not passed all of the tissue and I needed the D&C anyways! Today is only Monday, and between family and friends calling, and the physical pain, I have not had too much time to grieve properly. Every time I stop for one second, and think about it I break down. In the shower, and at night while my husband is sleeping I cry. I hope one day the physical and emotional pain that I am going through right now with be overcome by my wanting to be a mother, and we will try again!


Aimee