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Losing our boys

We found out in April of '10 that we were pregnant. We were not really even trying. So this was a total surprise. Honestly, it was a BIG surprise as I couldn't get pregnant in my first marriage. We had a ultrasound at 7 weeks and were able to see the baby's heartbeat. Everything was fine! Then we had some bleeding, they sent us to the emergency room and we thought for sure we had lost our baby. They did a blood test only and said that our hormone level was fine, so to see our doctor the next day. Well, we did and they did an ultrasound to see what caused the bleeding. We were having twins! So now, we went from having a baby, to losing that baby, and now we were having twins! Great news. Things were going ok. We made our 20 week appointment and were very excited to find out the gender of the twins. The doctors said everything was going well. In my 19th week, I had this major pressure in my stomach. I could barely walk at times. I saw the doctor, he said it was "growing pains". Ok, I can deal with that. Then the next day after the appointment I started to spot. They told me some bleeding could happen. So, two days after the appointment-I was bleeding heavier and still had that pressure. My back hurt. I called the doctors office and the nurse said I needed to go straight to the hospital to see if I was going into pre term labor. I went to use the bathroom before we left and my water broke! We rushed to the hospital. They admitted us right away to the labor and delivery area. They started me on IV antiobotics right away and after a couple of hours the doctor finally saw me. He confirmed my water had broke and the cervix was hourglassed. Most likely suspected a incompetent cervix, but there was nothing we could do at this point. He said active labor could start at anytime. Because we were at 20 weeks, there was nothing that we could do to stop it and our twins would likely not survive. They were very concerned about infection to me since my water had broke. They kept me in the hospital to see when labor would begin. If we made it to Monday (it was Saturday), we would see a specialist to see if he has anything to add. We did make it to Monday and the specialist agreed that there was nothing to be done. In fact, we were having boys (we knew it all along!) and that one of the babies had moved down (his cord was coming out) and it was a matter of time for the other baby's water to rupture and for him to come down. He suggested that we induce labor to avoid infection to me. The longer we waited, the more likely we were to get a serious infection which would hurt our chances of any future pregnancies. The baby and the cord were in a position that put me at a very vulnerable place for infection. After the input of 3 doctors, we decided to induce. Our boys were born the next day (August 10, 2010). We named them Bryce and Brody. They never took a breath when they were born. We were able to bless them and spend the night and next morning with them. I was released the next day. After I had delivered the boys, they took me into surgery to do a D&C as the placenta was heavily attached. Two weeks later, I miss the boys like crazy. They are my angels now. They are burried next to my niece and I will never forget them. I am being treated with antiobotics right now as we suspect that not all of the placenta had been cleaned out. The cramping and bleeding is off and on two weeks later, some days are good, some days are brutal. I am anxious to get better, healthy and try to give our adopted daughter and our boys-who are now angels-a brother or sister. This whole experience is very surreal. I have cried each day since the day my water broke. I now ask why me, what did I do wrong, and what could I have done differently? I always wonder what would have happened if I went to the hospital one day sooner than I did. My husband reminds me there is nothing we could have done. God has a plan, although I might not get a choice in this plan-I have to go along with it. I pray to God for a healthy and normal pregnancy with the next one. I pray there is a next one!

Heather Bernhardt

lost an angel

on june 16 i called into work because i didnt feel well. i was 34 weeks. i went to the dr and she put me on bed rest. diagnosed me with preeclampsia and hypertension. gave me a prescription and told me to take it easy. babys heartbeat was fine. i did wht she said. first baby, i trusted her. the next morning i awoke with really bad cramping. went back to the dr office. she checked me and baby and said everything was fine go home take it easy. i did. friday i was fine sat i was fine. sunday i woke with bad cramping and diarreah. i knew something was wrong. started bleeding bright red blood and rushed to the er.the dr told me that the fetus was not pliable and there was nothing he could do. i had to have a c section because i was bleeding so much but not dialated. i had a placenta abruption. my sons name is gabriel. he was beautiful and healthy and i would give anything to have him here with me. everytime i think im ok i realize that im not. i know that god is with me and i rely on my faith to cope but its hard. i want another baby but am terrified. i never got to hear him cry or look in his eyes but i know we will meet again. gabriel mommy loves you and im sorry for what happened. i know in my heart that i gave birth to a true angel and u werent meant to be with me right now. i look forward to holding again sweetie. i love you


shania

shania

miscarriage

had my fibroid removed, after six months i got pregnant, had a scan, fetus had no heart beat for 4 months, at sixth month, i lost the pregnancy by natural complete abortion.fifth month later i got pregnant, loss the pregnancy as soon as i knew i was pregnant. that was four weeks, when i missed my period and had a home pregnancy test with clear blue strips

Tope Olarenwaju

Goodbye Sunshine

The day came that my fiancé and I were ready to bring a little one into the world. One day came that I took my pregnancy test and I left it on the window and went to work. When I got back home and saw it, I realized that I was pregnant. Like all others, we took several different brands just to make sure. The happiest day of our lives was here. After starting out appointments, we were getting excited and ready for our little one to come into our world. However, this was all suddenly stopped at seven weeks when I began to bleed. We went to the ER on Sunday and were told that the baby was normal and the heart beat was 120 bpm and that the spotting was normal. As the days went on, cramps started to come on and the spotting turned into bleeding. On Wednesday we went for our first ultrasound and were worried when we were told that the bpm dropped to 85. We were able to see the baby and hear the heartbeat for the first time. As the night went on, the bleeding and cramping came on hard and I noticed blood clots. Knowing something wasn't right, we went to the hospital were they preformed an emergency ultrasound and this was when we were told that we were no longer pregnant and the baby had passed. We may never know why this has happened to us, but we also know that only God knows and that our child is in a better place. My heart is broken, but we will try in the future for our long awaited baby. God Bless.

Jennifer E.

Princess Arlene was here and now is gone.

I am 25 years old, and was 38 weeks pregnant when my little Arlene Deanna Cathleen was stillborn on July 30th, 2010, she weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 15 oz and was 19.5 inches long. On the 29th of July at my regular ob visit her heartbeat was 154 and she was completly healthy, at 3 o'clock in the morning on the 30th my water broke and my mom rushed me to the hospitol where the doctors tried to find a heartbeat but could not find one. When the doctor told me that she had died I felt like I had died right along with her. How could this be, I've felt her move, heard her little heartbeat and everything just hours before how could she be gone. The autopsy report didn't have any answers for me and I will never know why my baby had to die. Every day I wake up and wonder what I could of done so that she could be here with us and not a day goes by that I don't imagine what she would be like. I miss her so much and it hurts so bad not having my little princess with me.

April