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Michael and Scotty

My husband and I had been trying for two years to get pregnant. We had gone through infertility testing as well as some treatment. We are both in our early 30's, so everyone just kept telling us that it would happen. We just needed to be patient. Of course, all these people had children of their own.

Then in February of 2007 I was four days late. This wasn't much because I had been up to seven days late in the past two years. But, I took a pregnancy test because I just couldn't stand it. The test was positive! We were so excited, but we didn't tell a soul. We wanted to have it confirmed by our doctor. That afternoon I had a blood test done and it was positive. We still didn't tell anyone because we were so nervous. It was all we wanted and now here it was. I was so scared it would be taken from us.

At our 10 week ultrasound, the doctor confirmed we were pregnant, but it was TWINS!!! We couldn't believe it. Even better. They both had strong heart beats, and were healthy. We could finally share our news. We waited until we were all together with my family, which happened to be my grandmother's 90th birthday (she is a twin, although her sister has already passed on). We told everyone then. My grandma was so happy! Everyone was so excited for us.

We continued to see the doctor and all was well, until May. I went for my normal check up on the 3rd and all was well. My husband and I got photos of our babies and went home. Then things just went downhill. Nothing major. I started having pulling and pain across my abdomen. Just a few times a day. I thought it was constipation at first. So, I took some medications and went to sleep. The next day it was lessened, but still there. Finally on the third day, I couldn't sleep and it was really bothering me so I went to the ER. They looked at me and said it was cramping, not contractions. They heard the heartbeats of both babies at 6:30, so I called my husband and told him I was okay.

The doctor showed up at 8:00 and performed an ultrasound. He shut off the machine and told us that neither baby had a heartbeat at that point and that I was in full blown labor. Within minutes I silently delivered two beautiful baby boys. MIchael Rhys (3.6 ounces and 7 inches long) and Scott Conaway (4.7 ounces and 7.25 inches long). They were much too small to have survived. We still don't know what went wrong, but I grieve every day for my boys. I don't know how anyone ever gets past this pain.

Traci

Blessings Do Happen

I am 27 years-old, and I am 10 weeks pregnant (2nd). During the first pregnancy which was 2 years ago, I had a miscarriage. The doctor ran tests to see why I had miscarried and the tests came back good. The miscarriage happened "just because." I was 7 weeks. I was sad and got depressed whnever I saw a pregnant woman. I started taking Clomid. Each month when the test came back negative, I would be devastated, so I stopped trying.

But just when I wasn't thinking about getting pregnant or was focusing on it, I became pregnant. I am so happy and blessed and I thank my Lord every day for my pregnancy. Although I feel a little sick, I am happy to have the chance to go through it. So if you are a believer in Christ, then you should know all things are possible through him. I am aniticipating the arrival of my first born.........be blessed!!!

venia

Unexpected

This was my second pregnancy after twelve years. I found out I was pregnant, and the next day I started bleeding. On the second day of bleeding, I went into the emergency room where they performed an ultrasound and saw a heartbeat and everything was fine. Five days later, I passed a huge clot, and it was my baby and nearly eight weeks.

I didn't think I would take it so hard...to have a life pass through you like that. My first was so easy, no complications. I am almost afraid to try again.

Niecy

My Little Angel

I posted my story about three weeks after we lost our little girl. It was a stillbirth at 37 1/2 weeks, due to diabetes. At that time, I was a grieving, heartbroken mother who didn't want to wake up and face one more day without my little angel. I guess God had other plans, because it's been 13 weeks and 6 days and I'm here breathing and loving her still today. I miss her so much but I wanted to give hope to many of you as so many of you gave me hope when I thought I didn't have any left. I still miss her and there are days when I wake up and cry knowing I'll not see her until one day I meet our maker. Most days are bearable now though. The pain does ease, and every thought is not consumed with "what if's" and "would've, should've, could've."

I think I'm finally accepting God's plan for us. Not that it helps, but this world is getting so evil these days that I am almost glad she's not here in it. Our children probably look down from heaven, their little wings batting like humming birds, thinking "what are they all so sad for?" Our little angels know no fear, no hurt, no tears, no lies, no broken promises and no hate. Our angels are in a perfect place and will be waiting for us to join them. We can only live a good enough life to do so one day. I'm enclosing a poem that my husband and I wrote to her on the night before we laid her to rest. It was read at her funeral to ease our family and friends' hearts and I hope it brings peace to at least one of you today. God bless you all, and you're in our prayers every day and night.

Our Precious Little Girl

You’ll never see a sunset turn day into night.
You’ll never smell sweet lilacs in Spring when the breeze is right.
You’ll never have the pleasure of tossing a baseball in the air,
Or running through wet grass, barefoot, with your loving brothers there.
You’ll never experience a first step, coo or smile.
You’ll never have your Daddy walk you down the isle.
You’ll never wear pigtails in your soft baby hair.
You’ll never laugh with Meme so hard you couldn’t even care.
You’ll never turn a wrench with Papaw on a hot Summer’s day.
You’ll never learn from Nana how to walk in God’s gracious way.
You’ll never play with Poppy and hide toys in his pocket.
You’ll never carry pictures of your own children in a locket.
You’ll never play with Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and Friends.
You’ll never have a family spat and need to make amends.
Of all of the things you’ll never do, think or say,
These next are the ones that hurt the most as we let you rest today.
You’ll never know the warmth of wrapping up in your Daddy’s arms.
You’ll never know Moses’ humor or Brian’s silly charm.
You’ll never hear Mommy’s lullabies or fill our love’s embrace
But we’ve found strength in the next “You’ll Nevers” as we lay you in this place.
You’ll never know pain or sorrow or even shed a tear.
You’ll never have a worry and you’ll never need to fear.
You’ll never have impurities or reasons for self doubt.
You’ll never have to find a way to try and work things out.
So as we say so long for now, Love, we just want you to know
You’ll never leave our hearts, Addy Girl, in Summer, Spring or snow.
We’ll all see you soon, Little One at Heaven’s Pearly Gates.
So go on, run to Jesus baby, a precious new world awaits.

Written by Mommy and Daddy March 15, 2007

April

Miscarriage

I was only six and a half weeks pregnant, and just miscarried yesterday morning starting at 1 am. I got up to use the washroom and saw blood. I didn't panic because I had been spotting right along and my doctor didn't seem too worried about it. But somehow I knew this time was different.

I went back to bed reassuring myself that everything was fine. I got back up at 2:45 and went back into the bathroom. That time I passed two small clots. That's when I got worried, because I knew that was not normal at all. I woke my husband and he told me not to worry and that i was overreacting (I had been in somewhat of a panic about every little thing up to that point, so I don't blame him at all for being that way.)

After that, I went to the bathroom about every 20-30 minutes, and each time I would pass more. Finally, at about 7 or 7:30, I felt a really strange stabbing sensation in my genital area, and then I passed the "grey matter" which I'm assuming was the "baby." My husband and I spent most of the day back and forth between the doctor's office and the hospital.

I'm sure the emotions will come over the let down of losing our first baby. For now I feel kind of numb, and really angry. . .not at God. . . just at the unfairness of life.

kerry