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Depressed after miscarriage

Hi,

I am currently experiencing a fairly severe depression. I married in the summer and a week after the wedding (where we announced I was pregnant) I lost the baby. I have not copes well with this and now it is dark and the combination of SAD and the miscarriage are getting to be too much. I feel like I am weak if I give in to it but I am treating my husband and myself badly and I don't know what to do.

Laura

Our Angel, Kaila

On July 25, 2008, our angel Kaila, quietly made her entrance and departure in this world. I was 23 weeks pregnant. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and never thought that we would become parents.

Well, on March 13th, I found out that we were pregnant. It was a huge surprise and we were extremely excited. The pregnancy appeared to be going fine until the beginning of my second trimester when I found out that I had gestational diabetes. I was prescribed insulin and given a diet plan. My blood sugar was under control so I thought that the worst was over..... was I wrong!

My 19th week of pregnancy, my husband and I went in for an ultrasound and that was the day that we found out that the baby we were convinced was a boy was indeed a girl! At the end of the ultrasound, we were told that I needed to get to the hospital right away because my cervix was very short. We immediately drove to the hospital were a cerclage was placed so that I would not dilate too soon and to help prolong the pregnancy. I was released from the hospital the following evening with weekly followup appointments to monitor my cervix. I was also placed on strict bedrest.

I returned to the hospital one week later because I felt pain and pressure. I was observed and sent home and told not to worry that this was normal.

On July 23rd, I woke up in pain and once again felt a lot of pressure. I contacted my Dr. who once again sent me to the hospital. Once again I was observed, however, this time I was asked if I was feeling like I had the flu. I said "no" and asked "why". The nurse informed me that I had a low grade fever and an increased heart rate. Not knowing exactly what that meant, I took her advice and was sent home after receiving Motrin. The next morning I had a Dr's appointment so I did not worry.

On July 24th, I went to my Dr as planned and advised her of my visit to the hospital the previous evening. She appeared to have no idea. By the way, I was being seen by several Drs. My OB and a team of perinatalogists.So at this appointment I was seeing the perinatalogists and was seeing that specific Dr for the first time. There are 17 Drs in that practice and went against my better wishes by working with them. Anyway, I had an ultrasound and the baby was doing fine. I thought that her head was very low but I was told that everything was okay with the exception that my amniotic fluid was low so to discontinue the use of Motrin. I left the Dr's office feeling good that all was going to be well.

Later on that evening, I was at home relaxing and watching television when I felt a gush of fluid from between my legs. I knew that something was wrong but did not panic. I called my husband and he was home within 2 minutes. I contacted the perinatalogists and was on my way to the hospital within minutes.

When I got to the hospital, I was told that they will try to keep the baby in because her lungs were not fully developed and her chance for survival was little to none. Within 15 minutes everything changed. Instead, I was told that I had a fever and an increased heart rate. Remember, the day before, I had the same problems and was told that everything was okay. Now, this Dr, whom I never met before was telling me that those are two definite signs of an infection. I was then rushed into surgery to remove the cerclage. Within hours I was induced and getting ready to deliver.

It was the most surreal feeling when at 5:48 am on July 25th, that I gave birth to a beautiful, tiny baby girl. She looked just like her dad. She weighed 1lb 1oz. and was 11 inches long. She appeared healthy. I remember how still she was and asking the Dr if she was alive. As soon as I spoke, I saw her take a breath. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. We had family members in the room who all got a chance to hold her and tell her how much she is loved. The hospital chaplain came in and she got the chance to be baptized. Exactly, one hour later, at 6:48 am, my angel, Kaila quietly passed away in my arms.

We miss her so much. We are planning to continue our family but she will never be replaced. She is with us everyday, in our hearts and our thoughts.

I wanted to tell her story, because I want everyone to know that whenever you feel that something is wrong in your pregnancy, then most likely, something is really wrong. Please do not just trust your doctor to take care of it, ask as many questions as you like and get a second opinion if you need to. I later found out that my daughter's life may have been spared if I had gotten proper treatment on my previous visits to the emergency room.

Thanks for taking the time read Kaila's story and I pray that no one else will have to go through what I went through.

Candi

Loss of our Angel

Last Monday (Nov. 10) I had my regular appointment with my ob/gyn. Unfortunately she did not find a heartbeat, so she sent us to the hospital for an emergency u/s. After the u/s we had to wait about 2 hours before we received the terrible news that our baby did not have a heartbeat. We were completely devastated. We could not believe that something like this could happen when only 1 month ago I had the 20wk u/s and everything was fine. We don't understand and may never ever. On Wed. 12th at 10:52 a.m. I delivered our baby. The cramps were terrible the day before and my husband stayed up half the night with me to rub my back. He was very supportive during this whole ordeal. The baby was sooo tiny. We don't even know the gender b/c to know it would have meant an autopsy and we were against this. I did feel at peace on Fri. 14 when we had a funeral for our little Angel. It was a beautiful mild November day and a beautiful service.

My husband and I do want to try again in the future, but, I am scared that this will happen again. It was only last May that I had a miscarriage at around 1 or 2 months. In about a month or so I will go for tests to make sure that everything is alright with me and there are no problems.

This is the most difficult thing that I have ever been through. We do have a lot of support around us but sometimes it is difficult to deal with. I hope things will get easier and this will never happen again.

Stephanie

angel babies

The day i found out i was pregnant was the happiest day in my life. I felt like there was finally a meaning to my life. Martin, my boyfriend was not as happy about it as me but we loved each other so i knew he would make a good dad. i loved being pregnant. at night i would lie and cuddle my belly and dream about what he/she? would look like? what would we name her? what her little personality would be like. The day of our scan was amazing, hearing her little heartbeat, seeing her little peanut shaped body. i loved her already. When i hit the 12 week mark i was sure everything was going to be fine. i let go of any worries and just looked forward to meeting my baby. when i told my family they were all so happy for us. But the day after telling them i started to bleed a little. my mum kept saying it was normal but i knew there and then that i was going to lose my baby. i forced mum to take me to hospital were i was left in a room for 2 hours. all i could do was hope and pray. But when i stood up to go to the bathroom lots of blood and tissue came away from me. i had not prayed hard enough. my baby was gone. RIP angel baby xx

sarah

preg after stillbirth, scared

In August 2004, after safely delivering 3 children already, I was dealt a blow I was sure I could never get over. At 24 weeks of pregnancy, I discovered my daughter had passed away. I began the agonizing duty of an induced labor, but knew this was different, much different. My children were quite young, and couldn't understand that mommy wasn't bringing home the baby sister they knew was in her belly. Rose Marie was born silent on Monday, August 9th 2004 at 3:12pm. She weighed 15 ounces and was 10 1/2 inches long. She was perfect, with her daddy's dark hair. I had placenta abruption, and had no symptoms. The doctor had no real reasons behind it. Every test taken came back normal, including genetic. I was assured we could try again, in 6 months, and may never experience another stillbirth again, although I would be considered high risk. The loss affected my husband and I to the point that the marriage failed within 7 months. We could not console each other. I thought for the longest time that I would never have another child, so I poured my heart and soul into the children I had, and eventually met and married another man. We learned on Nov 10th that we are expecting a child. Although it has been 4 years since my daughter passed, and I was told the stillbirth would likely not be repeated, I am still scared and apprehensive. I find myself reserved in my thoughts and daydreams, but very excited at the same time. I can only take it one day at a time, i suppose, and wish for the best. Maybe pray for some divine intervention.

Lisa