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emotions

I had a loss pregnancy last year in the very early stages. It should have been due around last month, but the thing is for some reason I have found myself feeling very emotional.

I am just crying for the least little thing even though I have gotten over the loss a while ago.

jennifer birkett

Feeling so guilty

When I had my daughter, at 20 weeks it was discovered that I had short cervix. The doctors right away put me on strict bed rest so I did until the 7th month (even though they said until I was in term) and they said still did not have guarantees. After my 7th month I got up, did house work, walked everyday for about 15-20min a day etc. My daughter was born full term and the doc had to actually induce me cause I was 3cm dilated for 3 weeks so she "helped" me along as she said.

Time came for the second baby. Before we got pregnant we went to a high-risk specialist to consult. He told us given my history with my daughter I should not have to be in a total bed rest and we do not need the stitches either. So, we all (docs, family and mainly my husband & I) did not take it seriously. We all thought it was going to go as smooth as it went with my daughter.

Well at 22-week ultrasound they told us that the cervix had dilated and the membranes are coming out. They asked us if we wanted to terminate because that was very dangerous for my life too. We decided to keep it and stay at the hospital so that we could push it to at least 24-26 weeks for the baby to live. That did not happen. I started bleeding and they told me that the pregnancy was terminated. I did not have contractions or anything they started later.

The baby came out a perfect little boy that I held in my arms. I will never forget him. It hurts so much and I feel so guilty because I did not stay in a total bed rest like I did with my daughter, I did not insist on them stitching me (we should have done it to be on the safe side), I was doing house work, but then again they told me I did not need too.

I feel that I am the most responsible and I was his mother and I should have known better. I killed him and I am paying for it, but I wish he did not have to pay with his life my negligence.

sus

lost

I lost my baby at 22 weeks 8 weeks ago when visiting my so called husband in Nigeria, I was out there just the month before to get married, then went back the following month because I missed him, when I arrived the second time it seemed like it was going to be a better holiday than the first as we did not have enough money to celebrate our so called wedding.

The first night was great we made love for a long time, after I noticed I had bleed a lot my husband did not seem to bothered he was more bothered about the blood stained sheet and pillow case, because there was no sign of blood later or the next day I just thought maybe it was because we made love. Well to cut a very long story short, over the next couple of days I noticed I was leaking quite a bit, but I thought this was from some kind of infection that I might off had, it got gradually worse and I insisted that my husband take me to a doctor because if I left it down to him he would not have bothered.

I was basically given advice to have bed rest; nothing was wrong even though I was leaking, later that evening the water leaking turned into blood leaking a lot of it, we had to go to a private clinic and wait three hours before seeing a doctor when he did finally exam me all he said was sorry there is nothing we can do, the baby is already showing. With that they took me up to a tiny delivery room where I had to wait until the baby naturally came down. My husband did not cry or anything.

I gave birth to my baby son on Good Friday the next day. I flew back to England the next day leaving my husband in Nigeria. I was in pieces but I prayed a lot and god gave me the piece I needed, but now I feel angry at him, and myself for being so careless in the things I done while pregnant running up and down for him, traveling when I should have been resting, everything, I feel mostly bad for my 12 year old son who was so looking forward to a baby brother as he loves kids to bits.

I no longer want to be with my husband but I so badly want another baby.

elaine

take two

I was told at the age of 16 that it would be difficult to conceive a child and carry it to term, due to scarring of the uteral wall. Obviously I was heart broken but came to terms with the fact that there were many other children I could help when I was ready. To my surprise just before my 22 Birthday I fell pregnant to a beautiful little boy. My boyfriend at the time, now husband was just as surprised but we didn't get our hopes up. After 9 months of constant problems and worry he was born.

Four years down the track we decided to try for a NO 2 for our NO 1. In Jan this year I had the implant taken out and to our surprise we found out in early Mar that I was 5 weeks pregnant. My hubby already left for a business trip overseas for three months so I was making all the plans. Unfortunately we couldn't be so lucky, I had start to cramp at 6 weeks but put it down to the pregnancy. Because of the trouble with NO1 I had and early ultrasound at 7 weeks and the doctor was surprised as the ultra sound only said 6 weeks so I was booked in for another at 8 weeks. To my horror as I didn't think there was anything wrong, the ultrasound come up 6 weeks again and after a few test showed my hormone levels were dropping slowly.

The doctor said the baby hadn't made it past 6 weeks and so off to have a D&C I go. Alone with our son to care for I was devastated and heart broke. My husband couldn't come home and I wasn't dealing with it at all. I couldn't go to work, and some days found it so difficult to get out of bed to tend to our first child. He couldn't understand why mummy was so upset and I couldn't stop crying.

6 weeks pasted and I manage to go back to work just before my husband got home. He was not very supportive as he was under the belief that I should have been over it my then. 4 more weeks had passed and my period was late, I was a little apprehensive about doing a pregnancy test after baby NO2 was taken from me, but my hubby was enthusiastic, low and be hold, I was pregnant again, to our distress days later I started to cramp up and it was like someone had cut a major vein, I bled for a week the heaviest period I had ever had. The doctor conformed it to be a failed implantation. The doctor says try again, I can get pregnant easy enough but the chances of carrying to term are slim.

I want another baby but my heart is still broken for the 2 I have already lost. I concentrate on our NO1 now and though I hope to be pregnant again I don't hope at the same time.

amy

The loss of a child from the rocky relationship

This event was a shock. I have been involved my partner for two years. We had broken up a week before because he wasn't taking care of business. I told him to do so and that I would see him when he got it together again.

I found out a week later that I was pregnant and called him immediately and he said that he would be over in a matter of hours. Then he called me saying that he was at a Greek Festival and would I like to join him there. I started to ball my eyes out feeling so disgusted by his lack of consideration of my feelings. After this he said that I called him after being devastated all day, looking at all of the beautiful children while out at a restaurant. Next, the next day we talked. He was very non-chalant about everything explaining how he didn't have a house for me to stay in and that he would be a part time dad, that he wouldn't like to marry and more ridiculous jargon. So then we decided to talk it over again.

Two days later he said that he would meet me but he didn't make it in time, because he owns a restaurant, next day he canceled as well so I told him that I would just decide on my own what i was going to do about the pregnancy. Well never heard from him until five days later. He had emailed me a poem about how much he wanted to have a baby with me. Within minutes of reading this poem, the blood went right through my underpants and jeans and than I sat there having a miscarriage.

I am determined that I had this miscarriage due to the amount of pure devastation that this man caused me. I guess I let him.

Elizabeth