Post your Story

My Angel Alaina

Hello, my name is Amber. In June of 2008, I experienced one of the hardest things I have ever been through in my life. Placenta Abruptio. This was my third pregnancy, and my first two when perfect. I was pregnant with my third child Alaina. We was so excited...we had been waiting for her for so long....And then I was at 36 weeks, and we was so close to my due date....I woke up from a dead sleep at about 3am. I was in extreme pain....I thought I was in labor....but I got up and went to the bathroom....I felt like i needed to vomit or something...but no. I left the bathroom and as I was walking down the hallway I fainted. I thought I was just too hot or something but did think I was in labor. My husband calls his mom to bring us to the hospital....which had been the plan all along. We get to the hospital and finally I am back in the labor and delivary ward and I am having contractiions back to back....they were not easing up at all. Then they put an oxygen mask on me, and began to try and locate the heartbeat....no sign of a heartbeat. At this point I was in so much pain I didn't realize what they were trying to say.....They got my doctor....finally......He comes in to perform the ultrasound......he tells me my baby has passed........this is when I knew something is going right.....I asked why and he told me because of something called placenta abruptia.The placenta tore away prematuraly from my uterine wall. My little girl lost all the nutrients, oxygen, and blood which caused her to be stillborn. I miss her. I love her still so much and never heard her utter a sound. We held the funeral three days later. She was beautiful. I am doing better now. I am pregnant with my fourth child. I am more scared than ever....now that I know things can happen....Please pray for me. I don't want to lose another child. Thank you All ~~~Amber W.

Amber W.

Taya Jade/Jaden Matthew

My name is Tabitha and I am 18. My fiance, Micheal, and I have just lost our first child. It all began when my family and friends started coming to me and asking me if I was pregnant. I brushed it off because I thought that no one could know my body better than me, and I was in denial about me being pregnant. I was pregnant for a month and still in denial about the situation, when early one morning I went into severe pain and bleeding. I was a little scared, but I had to work that morning and I had a doctor's appointment that morning as well. When it came time for my appointment, the pain and bleeding got heavier and more intense. The doctor that I was supposed to see that day called me and canceled my appointment, so I immediately went to the hospital in my town and told them that I was losing vast amounts of blood and I didnt know why.
I had a miscarriage and it hit me hard. I never thought that I could feel this way about a person that I hadnt even noticed that existed. When I told Micheal, I couldnt help but cry. It was so hard. He is being very supportive and I couldnt do this with out him, I am still fighting with the guilt and greif of losing my child. I wouldnt wish this on anyone.

Tabitha

Baby Christian

I found out on October 10, 2008 that I was pregnant with my 4th child. I had no reason to believe that anything would go wrong because I already have 3 healthy children. I was fine until I had my first ultrasound at 5 weeks 6 days. There was a gestational and yolk sac but no fetal pole. My doctor assured me that it may still be too early to see the baby. They scheduled me for another ultrasound on November 10. On the night of November 1, I began to spot, at first brown then pink. I went to the ER where they said I had a subchorionic bleed, which was noticed on Monday but I was never told about. The ER doctor said it had decreased in size and maybe it was just bleeding out. I went home and only had mild spotting the next day. On November 3, which is also my birthday, I started to bleed a little. It continued all day but was only there when I wiped. The next morning, which is my oldest son's birthday, I began to bleed more. I called the doctor and they told me to come in for an ultrasound. I was so estatic when the technician said that there was a fetal pole and the baby had a heartbeat. She said the baby measured at 5 weeks 6 days when I knew I was 7 weeks. I figured maybe she measured wrong and I took my baby's picture and was happy, for a few hours anyway. That evening I started having mild cramps and more bleeding. I decided to go to bed and thought maybe if I rested it would help. I woke up at 4:00am with slightly worse cramps. They continued until it was time to get my children ready for school. As I was finishing getting them ready I started feeling intermittent, stronger cramps similar to a labor pattern but not quite as painful as labor. I decided to go to the bathroom and when I sat down on the toilet my precious angel slipped out and fell to the bottom. As any mother would I reached in because I didn't care how gross all the blood was, that was still my child in there and my angel deserved better than to be flushed down the toilet. This was at 7:30am on November 5, 2008. I later went to the doctor and took my precious little one with me. They confirmed by ultrasound that I had indeed already miscarried. They sent my baby away to run some tests and I am still waiting on the results. Once the testing is done, the hospital pays for cremation and a burial in a local cemetery. In my state, it is law that a baby is a baby, nomatter how small. Every October, there will be a memorial at the cemetery for my baby and all of the others that were lost. My husband and I decided to name our baby Christian because we are of the Christian faith and we believe our baby is now with God. The grief I feel at times is so unbearable that I don't know how I will ever make it through. My only solace is my 3 beautiful children. I don't know what I would do without them. I just hope that in time the pain won't be as fresh and raw. Even though my little one was only with me for 7 weeks 1 day, I love that little angel just as much as my other children. I know someday I will get to hold my baby Christian in my arms, but until then I will always remember the few weeks we had together and I will always, always love my sweet little angel baby.

Julie Roberts

Peanut's Story

I've read through the stories and as sad as it sounds, I'm greatful that I'm not alone in this world, it feels like it at times!

I was due to have my first baby on January 21, 2009. The excitement was far too great!! I had tried for 8 long years to get pregnant and had all but given up hope that it would actually happen! I found out was pregnant on May 21, 2008 and was on top of the world. The next few months were so great! The pregnancy was wonderful, no morning sickness, nothing! I had some spotting around 9 weeks or so and had my hormone levels checked and I was great! Spotting is normal in the first trimester I was told.

All was well...We had found out on August 6, 2008 that we were expecting a little baby, now to find a name?!?! On Monday August 25, 2008 I had my regular OB appointment. The baby's heartbeat was steady at 140 where it had been. No pain, no complaints, everything was great! I was measuring where I should and baby was growing like a weed! The next day, I went to the bathroom and had noticed some extra "discharge", truly thought it was nothing as it had actually be sometime inbetween bathroom breaks. Which was rare! Everything stayed pretty much normal throughout the day and night.

The night of the 27th I couldn't seem to get comfortable. I wasn't in pain, just very uncomfortable and was desperately trying to find a position both the baby and I could agree on so I could get some much needed sleep. Finally after 3 hours of tossing and turning I seemed to have found that position. All was well and off to work I went on Thursday the 28th. After getting out of the shower and getting dressed it looked as if I had pee'd my pants. I thought since I was around 20 weeks baby was going to play trampoline on my bladder and this was normal. I went to work, no pain, no discomfort, still getting wet but not as bad as I was.

I talk to my husband and lunch and he suggested I call the clinic JUST IN CASE...So I called and when the nurse called me back she told me to go the hospital so they could monitor to make sure I wasn't having contractions. The baby nurse went to check me to test to see if the fluid was urine or amniotic fluid. She put the speculum in and pulled it right back out. Another doctor came in and told me that the bag of water was out of my cervix and that I was going to lose the baby. My heart broke right there on the spot!

About 30 minutes later my doctor arrived and checked me. He said that the baby's foot was also outside of my cervix. I thought it impossible as I could still feel him moving! He was alive and enjoying me as much as I him!!! I refused pitocin as I in denial at that point that anything bad was going to happen. My water broke around 8pm on the 27th and was probably even more heartbreaking. That little bag of water was my last hope!! Turns out I have an incompetent cervix.

At 8:21am the morning of the 29th I delivered James "Peanut" Robert. He was born sleeping. I prefered it this way. I liked the fact that he perished inside of me instead of struggling to live. I had a D&C following as the placenta wouldn't detach.

I still feel pregnant. I get little gas bubbles that move across the lower part of my belly and I swear it's a baby kicking! I must admit, I gave up after that. For 6 weeks I was reclusive, I was angry, and I was extremely bitter. All I wanted in this world was to be a mom and I was RIGHT there...It was just out of my reach.

I still grasp hope that someday I'll be a mother, but I'm SCARED to death of what the future may hold. I'm not sure I can do this again!

Jamie

What was the point?

I was devastated when we were married just over a year and we found out our chances were slim to none of conceiving children. I greived the news slowly and about 2 years later we adopted my son. I thought I was finished greiving, but when my son was just over a year old, I kept feeling like this was the time I would get pregnant if I could and it was a struggle. Eventually we adopted my daughter and we felt happy as a family and complete. Finally.
Well....you can imagine my shock to discover I was pregnant when my daughter was 5 months old. We were exstatic, it took five years, and two kids later, but we were pregnant, We were thrilled and told all our family and friends. The thought of misarriage seemed ridiculous, why would God finally bless us with pregnacy if I wasn't going to have a baby. After 2 healthy ultra sounds and 2 rounds of posistive HCG blood work, I miscarried at 10.5 weeks. I feel like I got ripped off. I was finally through my grief of not getting to conceive, and now it is so raw and hard again. I don't understand why I had to experience this. It's like now I have to grieve my infertility all over again. We thought our family was complete and were happy with that fact, and now all I can think about is the baby we lost. I don't know whether to hope on a prayer that I might get pregnant again or accept that I won't. SO CONFUSED and hurting like crazy. Hardest moment so far is that one of my best girlfriends is pregnant and just told me and her due date is/was the exact same day as mine. Now when I see her all I can think about is that she's pregnant and as far as long as I should have been. It's been 3 weeks scince the miscarriage and I am still trying to keep a happy face when all I want to do is recoil inside. My kids keep me busy and motivated to get up and do things, thank goodness for them. I suffer silently inside daily, I really need to try to make sense of this experience and of my pain, but there are no answers. Thanks for listening any advice would be great.

Jamie