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angel babies

The day i found out i was pregnant was the happiest day in my life. I felt like there was finally a meaning to my life. Martin, my boyfriend was not as happy about it as me but we loved each other so i knew he would make a good dad. i loved being pregnant. at night i would lie and cuddle my belly and dream about what he/she? would look like? what would we name her? what her little personality would be like. The day of our scan was amazing, hearing her little heartbeat, seeing her little peanut shaped body. i loved her already. When i hit the 12 week mark i was sure everything was going to be fine. i let go of any worries and just looked forward to meeting my baby. when i told my family they were all so happy for us. But the day after telling them i started to bleed a little. my mum kept saying it was normal but i knew there and then that i was going to lose my baby. i forced mum to take me to hospital were i was left in a room for 2 hours. all i could do was hope and pray. But when i stood up to go to the bathroom lots of blood and tissue came away from me. i had not prayed hard enough. my baby was gone. RIP angel baby xx

sarah

preg after stillbirth, scared

In August 2004, after safely delivering 3 children already, I was dealt a blow I was sure I could never get over. At 24 weeks of pregnancy, I discovered my daughter had passed away. I began the agonizing duty of an induced labor, but knew this was different, much different. My children were quite young, and couldn't understand that mommy wasn't bringing home the baby sister they knew was in her belly. Rose Marie was born silent on Monday, August 9th 2004 at 3:12pm. She weighed 15 ounces and was 10 1/2 inches long. She was perfect, with her daddy's dark hair. I had placenta abruption, and had no symptoms. The doctor had no real reasons behind it. Every test taken came back normal, including genetic. I was assured we could try again, in 6 months, and may never experience another stillbirth again, although I would be considered high risk. The loss affected my husband and I to the point that the marriage failed within 7 months. We could not console each other. I thought for the longest time that I would never have another child, so I poured my heart and soul into the children I had, and eventually met and married another man. We learned on Nov 10th that we are expecting a child. Although it has been 4 years since my daughter passed, and I was told the stillbirth would likely not be repeated, I am still scared and apprehensive. I find myself reserved in my thoughts and daydreams, but very excited at the same time. I can only take it one day at a time, i suppose, and wish for the best. Maybe pray for some divine intervention.

Lisa

My Angel Alaina

Hello, my name is Amber. In June of 2008, I experienced one of the hardest things I have ever been through in my life. Placenta Abruptio. This was my third pregnancy, and my first two when perfect. I was pregnant with my third child Alaina. We was so excited...we had been waiting for her for so long....And then I was at 36 weeks, and we was so close to my due date....I woke up from a dead sleep at about 3am. I was in extreme pain....I thought I was in labor....but I got up and went to the bathroom....I felt like i needed to vomit or something...but no. I left the bathroom and as I was walking down the hallway I fainted. I thought I was just too hot or something but did think I was in labor. My husband calls his mom to bring us to the hospital....which had been the plan all along. We get to the hospital and finally I am back in the labor and delivary ward and I am having contractiions back to back....they were not easing up at all. Then they put an oxygen mask on me, and began to try and locate the heartbeat....no sign of a heartbeat. At this point I was in so much pain I didn't realize what they were trying to say.....They got my doctor....finally......He comes in to perform the ultrasound......he tells me my baby has passed........this is when I knew something is going right.....I asked why and he told me because of something called placenta abruptia.The placenta tore away prematuraly from my uterine wall. My little girl lost all the nutrients, oxygen, and blood which caused her to be stillborn. I miss her. I love her still so much and never heard her utter a sound. We held the funeral three days later. She was beautiful. I am doing better now. I am pregnant with my fourth child. I am more scared than ever....now that I know things can happen....Please pray for me. I don't want to lose another child. Thank you All ~~~Amber W.

Amber W.

Taya Jade/Jaden Matthew

My name is Tabitha and I am 18. My fiance, Micheal, and I have just lost our first child. It all began when my family and friends started coming to me and asking me if I was pregnant. I brushed it off because I thought that no one could know my body better than me, and I was in denial about me being pregnant. I was pregnant for a month and still in denial about the situation, when early one morning I went into severe pain and bleeding. I was a little scared, but I had to work that morning and I had a doctor's appointment that morning as well. When it came time for my appointment, the pain and bleeding got heavier and more intense. The doctor that I was supposed to see that day called me and canceled my appointment, so I immediately went to the hospital in my town and told them that I was losing vast amounts of blood and I didnt know why.
I had a miscarriage and it hit me hard. I never thought that I could feel this way about a person that I hadnt even noticed that existed. When I told Micheal, I couldnt help but cry. It was so hard. He is being very supportive and I couldnt do this with out him, I am still fighting with the guilt and greif of losing my child. I wouldnt wish this on anyone.

Tabitha

Baby Christian

I found out on October 10, 2008 that I was pregnant with my 4th child. I had no reason to believe that anything would go wrong because I already have 3 healthy children. I was fine until I had my first ultrasound at 5 weeks 6 days. There was a gestational and yolk sac but no fetal pole. My doctor assured me that it may still be too early to see the baby. They scheduled me for another ultrasound on November 10. On the night of November 1, I began to spot, at first brown then pink. I went to the ER where they said I had a subchorionic bleed, which was noticed on Monday but I was never told about. The ER doctor said it had decreased in size and maybe it was just bleeding out. I went home and only had mild spotting the next day. On November 3, which is also my birthday, I started to bleed a little. It continued all day but was only there when I wiped. The next morning, which is my oldest son's birthday, I began to bleed more. I called the doctor and they told me to come in for an ultrasound. I was so estatic when the technician said that there was a fetal pole and the baby had a heartbeat. She said the baby measured at 5 weeks 6 days when I knew I was 7 weeks. I figured maybe she measured wrong and I took my baby's picture and was happy, for a few hours anyway. That evening I started having mild cramps and more bleeding. I decided to go to bed and thought maybe if I rested it would help. I woke up at 4:00am with slightly worse cramps. They continued until it was time to get my children ready for school. As I was finishing getting them ready I started feeling intermittent, stronger cramps similar to a labor pattern but not quite as painful as labor. I decided to go to the bathroom and when I sat down on the toilet my precious angel slipped out and fell to the bottom. As any mother would I reached in because I didn't care how gross all the blood was, that was still my child in there and my angel deserved better than to be flushed down the toilet. This was at 7:30am on November 5, 2008. I later went to the doctor and took my precious little one with me. They confirmed by ultrasound that I had indeed already miscarried. They sent my baby away to run some tests and I am still waiting on the results. Once the testing is done, the hospital pays for cremation and a burial in a local cemetery. In my state, it is law that a baby is a baby, nomatter how small. Every October, there will be a memorial at the cemetery for my baby and all of the others that were lost. My husband and I decided to name our baby Christian because we are of the Christian faith and we believe our baby is now with God. The grief I feel at times is so unbearable that I don't know how I will ever make it through. My only solace is my 3 beautiful children. I don't know what I would do without them. I just hope that in time the pain won't be as fresh and raw. Even though my little one was only with me for 7 weeks 1 day, I love that little angel just as much as my other children. I know someday I will get to hold my baby Christian in my arms, but until then I will always remember the few weeks we had together and I will always, always love my sweet little angel baby.

Julie Roberts