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Heart, mind, and body at war

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 7 months. I planned and charted, and finally the day came when I could finally tell my husband he would be a father. I took four pregnancy tests just to be sure. That night, I gave my husband a baby's sleeper with the words "you're a daddy" written across the front. He couldn't believe the good news and we rushed around telling everyone we could. For two weeks we went shopping for the baby, talked about the baby, and planned for this baby. Over the fourth of July weekend, we went camping with my family. I woke up the first morning of camping with a light bleeding. I panicked and quickly ran to my mother. She tried to calm me, but I knew in my heart this wasn't good. I researched online about causes of bleeding during pregnancy, and found that some women may have periods during their pregnancy or implantation bleeding. I wished, hoped, and prayed that this was simply what I was experiencing, but I knew. It was awful because I felt as though my heart and my body were at war. My heart wanted this baby so badly, but my body didn't for whatever reason. Overall my body won the war, no matter how hard my heart willed it not to. Today I went for a blood test to find out for sure if I was still pregnant. An awful and uncaring nurse broke the news to me, without feeling or concern. She simply told me the test was negative and she thought I should see a doctor to make sure nothing was seriously wrong. Now I am left with an empty feeling and despair. I am worried about getting pregnant again and fearful that this will happen to us again. We wanted this baby so badly, and we cannot understand why this happened to us. I am ready to start trying again, as I have known in my heart for some time that I lost this baby. I cried and went into a depression, but now, even though I am sad, I feel at peace because I know for sure. I want a baby more than anything and as soon as it is, I feel right. I plan on waiting a little while so that my body can heal, but I am asking for prayers and keep us in your thoughts. A baby would complete mine and my husband's life and we just hope God hears and answers these prayers.

Molly

lossed my baby girl at 31 weeks

i had a perfect pregnancy up until june 23,2010 well so i thought i woke at 5am and felt jordyn move but after that i felt nothing all day i kept complaining to my husband and co workers that i didn't feel her moving all day and everyone kept reassuring me that she was just tired and sleeping but my instincts kept telling me other wise so i called the dr and told them i was coming in, and so i did and sure enough when we did the ultra sound there was no movement and my baby girl expired!!!!!!!!!!!! so i went to the hospital and they enduced my labor and i had her june 24 2010 3lbs2oz she was so beautiful.. i didnt get an autopsy done because my dr said it was obvious that her cord was knotted up and started to sever from her navel of course i question why me? how did this happen?where did i go wrong ,and could this be prevented or could she be saved i complied with every test every dr visit i just dont know my last visit was at 28weeks and her heart beat was very strong but i asked for a picture and my dr said next time but there was no next time the next time we went which was my 31 weeks and we did the u/s she had expired....now that this has happend i've heard about so many other womens similar stories but non exactly the same as mines

tiffany

The Lost Hope...

This would be my 2nd pregnancy and 2nd loss. Right now, I am feeling like a disappointment and very frustrated and very sad. What is bothering me so much is that I am a very young and healthy woman, but cannot have a normal pregnancy. The little hope I had was diminished when I shed my first clot. I was told I had a chance, but that was taken from me. I don't know what to think or how to react. My heart is broken and I feel like I'll never be able to have a healthy baby.

Maria

Eli David

I gave birth to my second son, Eli David on June 17th, 2010. He was born a sleeing angel. All of my doctor's visits were normal, had weekly ultrasounds to make sure everything was going well and there were no problems. Around 10:30 pm on the 16th I felt Eli move for the last time. At 11 pm I went to the bathroom and felt a little pop. I was 36 weeks pregnant and assumed that my water had broken b/c at my last doctor's visit I was already 2 cm dilated. When I looked down I saw I was gushing blood and knew something was wrong. My husband rushed me to the hospital and once they they used the monitors, dopplar, and two ultrasounds and they couldn't find his heartbeat. Those are the most devastating words I've ever heard, "I'm sorry, we've lost the heartbeat." I laid in labor until he was born at 10:41 am, a perfectly healthy 6lb 3oz, 20.5 in long baby boy. He died from a cord accident. The cord wrapped around his neck twice and had tied itself in a knot. Can't believe the only explanation for my son's death is a cord accident. We spent hours with him holding him and kissing him, cherishing every second. The funeral home came and picked my baby up at 6pm. We held his funeral on June 21st, a day after Father's Day. It was the most difficult thing we've ever done. Not a day goes by that I don't think about or cry over my Eli. I found the perfect stone and placed it on his grave it reads: "It broke my heart to lose you, but you didn't go alone, part of me went with you, the day God called you home." I love and miss you everyday, Eli!

Amber

Not yet

I'm 16 years old. April 4th 2009 I found out I was pregnant four days later I miscarried on the toilet. To this day I miss my baby, I had no idea the gender but I always had a feeling it was a boy. I was two weeks an four days with him. It was a very difficult time for me as the father already has two children with a girl overseas and I always knew we weren't ment to be.(obviously)I remember knowing I wasn't going to have the baby, I had the worst cramps on and off for those two weeks and was constantly tired even before I took the pregnancy. I've always wondered what my life would be like if I had him. I know he'll come back too me one day when I'm in a healthy relationship an am stable enough to take care of us both. I've named him vann greyer an I know it seems ridiculous as I didn't have him long but I still cannot look at a baby boy without envying the mother. But I look forward to the day I can hold my son in my arms...

Cheri