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My Miscarriages

when i was 16 i got pregnant. i'd always wanted a baby, so when i missed my period i was really excited, i bought a pregnancy test, and waited the 3 minutes like it said and the 2 positive lines came up, but they were very faint, so i bought 2 more tests... the same thing.

i told my mum and dad i was pregnant, actually i told a few people, 5 days later i started bleeding, i went to the hospital and had a scan, the baby was dead, i was only a couple of weeks so i made myself get over it and said i'd try for another one.

6 months later, i missed another period, am 17 now, living with my boyfriend still, i buy a test, positive, am excited again but i don't want to tell everyone, this time i was going to wait 3 months like you're supposed to, so i did everything you're meant to, quit smoking, quit drinking, ate all the right foods and got plenty of rest.

Then one day i was babysitting a 3 year old, this was when i was about 7-8 weeks gone. I was laying down on my back when she ran over to me and tripped and fell straight onto my belly. A pain went straight through my whole body. I went to the toilet to see if there was any blood, but there wasn't, i sat down and tried to calm down, then told myself i was gunna be ok.

when i was ten weeks i did the thing i was dreadin the most. i told my dad i was pregnant. he reacted the opposite of how i thought he would. the first time i was pregnant he didn't talk to me at all. but he was being really nice this time, this made me even more excited about the baby. dad was telling me how we was gunna decorate the babys room, bein only 17, my familys support meant alot to me.

4 days before my 12 week scan i went to the toilet and notices a tiny blood clot... my heart stopped... my world stopped... i phoned my mum to take me to the hospital, when i got there i waited ages and finally i was seen, it was late at night and nobody was there to do a scan so they said i would have to go back for that, but while i was there they took blood and did some swabs that came back ok, they looked inside and said the neck of my womb was still closed so it looks hopefull that the baby is ok.

i went home feeling much better. in the morning there was no more blood but i couldnt wait 3 days for my scan not knowing if my baby was ok, so i called the hospital and begged them to move my scan closer, they moved it to the next day. the next day, 9am, i was at the hospital, they called me and my boyfriend in, i layed down, pulled my top up, and she put the gel on my belly, she looked concerned as she looked at the screen but i was praying it was just a look of concentration, then she told me the baby was a bit small...

i was thinkin ok, i can eat more of maybe they can give me something to help it grow, i still had hope in me... then she said it... them words i was dreading... there's no heartbeat... i didnt cry... i just took it all in, she showed me the screen, pointed out the baby then printed me a picture. she said she couldnt see properly and i needed to empty my bladder so i went to the toilet, i cried when i was in there, i felt stupid for thinkin it might be alright, stupid for gettin my hopes up and stupid for takin £2.50 for my scan picture when i don't even have a baby. i wiped my eyes and went back into the room.

she checked and said my womb looks fine, she told me to wait outside and i'd be seen.. she sent me to sit in a room full of pregnant women with their big bellies waiting for their scans... i didn't stick around, i went home, they had given me some papers already and said it was fine for me to go and that i could just wait and let the baby come out naturally, so i did.

the next mornin i was woken up by bad pains, cramp like pains, i thought nothing of it and tried to go back to sleep, but they carried on, and started getting stronger and stronger, then they started getting closer together, they would feel likie someone was squeezing my insides... it felt kind of like a electric current going through my belly, i couldnt breathe while it was doing it, then it would release and i'd feel fine, while you're not feeling the pain you forget how painful it actually is... indescribeable. my dad was tellin me it was normal but i knew it wasnt, i wanted some fresh air so my dad took me for a drive...

whilst we was driving a felt something gush out of me, it was blood, it was pourin, everytime i coughed or move i would feel it coming out. my dad started driving me to the hopspital, the pain was making me tense my belly, but that was making more blood come out, i was scared. when i got to the hospital my boyfriend got me a wheel chair, i just wanted my mum, bless my dad, he didn't know what to do, i know it was hard for him to see me in that much pain and not be able to do anything about it.

anyway, the nurses took me upstairs and was trying to ask me quiestions but i was in so much pain i kept nearly passing out, i was boilin up, i had to take my clothes off i was so hot, they took me to the toilet and sat me on this potty type thing because they wanted to see how much i was bleeding, they left me in the toilet on my own, i felt sick and dizzy from the pain and blood loss, i pressed the help button on the wall about 20 times, finally a nurse came back, she helped me back into the wheelchair, i couldnt believe they wasn't doing anything to help me, i thought i was gunna die.

eventually one of the nurses said 'we could get her gas and air' then another nurse said 'oh yeah, i'll go get it' they said it like they didn't care, maybe that was what i was thinkin because i was in so much pain, i don't know. they took me into a room, my dad came in with me and told me they needed to take the baby ok so i would stop bleeding and the pain would go because the baby was stuck in my cervix so my body was using the blood to flush it out but it wasn't working and thats why i was in so much pain.

i breathed as muchy gas and air as i could, i could feel what they was doing, but it was like it didn't make any sense, i started laughin, blame the gas and air. finally my mum turned up and they gave me medicine, they told me to sleep and they'd come check how i was, but i just wanted to go home, they said i could.

that was nearly 2 years ago and it still affects me, but i don't cry about it, i've never really cried about it, i find it easier to block it out. that's probably why my head is messed up now. i don't know how to deal with it so i don't....

Beca

Loss and Happiness

I went to the doctor when I was 16 weeks and he couldn't find the heartbeat. He did a sonogram and then told me that the fetus had died. I just sat there staring at him thinking "Do you even know how to work that machine?" I wanted to scream and cry. I didn't understand. This was my second pregnancy, everything had gone so perfectly the first time I didn't understand.

I had gone to the appointment by myself so i had to drive home, crying and calling my husband, mother and best friend. I didn't even know what to say. I walked in and my son, 2 at the time, said, "Mommy Why are you crying? It's okay, I love you!" I just broke down. I didn't know what to say or do.

I laid on the couch and just cried. 3 days later I had a D&C. It was such a strange event. Several days later, I was downing Margaritas, like they were water and got so sick. I just really didn't know how to process it all.

A good friend of mine gave me the following advice when I told her. She said, "It sucks! I don't know what else to tell you. You are going to move past it and recover and try again. But for the moment, it sucks!" I realized that she was right, it was okay to grieve but that things do happen for a reason. Trust me, you don't want to hear that at the time, but hearing "It sucks", really made me laugh.

Well, it has been almost 6 months and I am pregnant again! I am 5 weeks. So, of course, all those feelings of "What if it happens again?" are circling in my head. But I realize that if it is meant to be this time, it will happen and if not well, it will suck!

I really hope that everything goes well.

Jen Montgomery

loss

Today I was suppose to be 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Yet today, I was told that there is no heart beat, no fetal movement and a miscarriage is inevitiable.

I don't even know how to react, what to say. I called my husband at work to tell him to please come home. He strangely said that he already knew because he had a bad feeling in his gut. I am schedule for a D&C on Friday (3 days away) one way I want to have this done to just move on and in another, I have the what ifs? What if the doctor was wrong...........But I just can't think in denial.

I feel numb and empty right now. I feel lost. I don't know what to do or what I am supposed to feel. I am almost embarrassed. We recently told everyone our news, thinking that at 12 weeks everything would be fine..........I was wrong things are not fine.

The worst feeling right now is knowing that I have a dead baby inside of me and I can't do anything to save it. I don't know what else to say.

Tara

i was so excited

Just this last saturday I lost my baby. I was 8 wks. I think that part that makes it hurt more is my little Mason. I told him all about the baby. He was even starting to touch my stomach and say baby.

My husband wants to wait since we didnt plan to have another baby in the first place but I dont know how to tell him that the only thing i want is to have another baby as soon as possible.

amber

MC ttc

Had a mic Dec 23, due to the d&c they said my blood levels werent doubling and that they should and that something was wrong so I had to undergo the D&C.

I got off the depo shot in Aug and 1st month that we tried, I got preg but ended up in this! We want to ttc again, but the doc told me to wait 6 months to make sure of no other mc happening right away, and to give my body time to heal.

Im just very nervous and anxious to get pregnant again!!!!

Jackie