Post your Story

The loss of our angel

Just over 2 weeks ago I started spotting at 5 weeks pregnant. at first I didnt think it was anything serious until it got a little heavier. I went to see my GP who sent me to my local early pregnancy assesment centre, I was scanned and unfortunately they couldnt find anything.

They told me it could be eptopic and took my blood to check my HCG level resulting in me having to go back in 48 hrs to see if it had gone up, down or stayed the same to determine if it was eptopic or just an early pregnancy or miscarriage. The next 48 hrs were hell ! I just kept hoping it was an early pregnancy and nothing else and the spotting continued so I just rested.

48 hrs later and I found my self back at the centre waiting for the results of my next blood test. Sadly the hcg level had dropped and they told me I was having a very early misscarriage which they thought had ended before it had begun. It was the worst day of our lives

all the way home we sat in silence and it took awhile for what they said to sink in and when it did the grief came. It was like someone had ripped my heart out with their bare hands, you just feel empty, alone, isolated, sick and the hardest part was not knowing why or what had caused it.

We went later that day to the river edge and threw some flowers in to the water and watched them float away just to say good bye to are little one and we hoped that he or she is with her grandparents and one day we will meet for the first time. Until then a day will not pass when we will not think of our angel looking down on us.

As the days have passed things havent got better but they seem to get easier but your heart still hurts but you can start to look forward and stop blaming yourself and thinking what could of been and realise that it just wasnt meant to be this time.

I am not sure if there will be a next time yet because its put me off a little. I think it's too much heartache but time heals and who knows how I will feel in the next few months, at the min I am just taking every day as it comes.

sarah

angle baby..miscariage

i got pregnant when i was 19..one morning i woke up and i was just not feeling me..i was vomiting and very weak.. so i went to the doctore took a pregnancy test and it was positive..i was pregnant. i was about 9 weeks..

i was going thru a lot of stress in my life.. i was happy but very scared i just didn't know what to look twords.. all i wanted to be was a good mom to my child..but i was scared and i just didnt know what to do.. i was having problems with bleeding..i went to the doctore and had altra sound after altra sound..

me and my mom saw my babys heart beat and it was so amazing.. i was due may 1st of 2007.. i was really exited.. so one day i was bleeding really bad. went thru a lot of blood clots and they said it would be normal and everything would pass.. well sure enough i went in to have a appointment and i was about 4 months a long by that time and the doctore said are you sure you saw the heartbeat..i said um yes they sayid..well there is no baby..

the last really bad cramps and blood..it was the baby and i didnt evern know! it was so hard for me it really has made me stronger tho i guess, i want to be a mommy so bad and have my own child! i just don't want that to happen to me again! i wouldn't know what to do! that was like a horrible thing in my life that if i didnt have my close ones around me i would have hit rock bottom!

bye...jane

jane

heartbroken

I am only 19 years old but married for one year already! We have been ttc since we got married. When it seemed like nothing would ever happen I at last found out that I am pregnant! Oh the joy of seeing those two lines!!! I tested on a saturday and went to see a doctor to confirm it on the monday, the doctor had a feeling about my pregnancy and sent me to a ultrasound immediately. As I was lying on the bed on the u/s my heart was beating in hope to see just anything that would tell them that my baby is fine!

Well, it wasnt! I went back to the doctor, my u/s in hand and was told that I have an ectopic pregnancy that would have to be removed immediately. I hadnt even had the time to be excited about my pregnancy.

I feel heartbroken and now they tell me that I have to wait before I start trying again, but no one ever tells me how long I have to wait!

susan

why won't people let you grieve?

i lost my baby a few weeks ago in january 2008.

i was completly devasated, to make matters worse all people could say is " it happens" and " you can try again" and " get over it!
how cruel can people be!

the day after losing my baby i could not face getting out of bed and my partner told me to stop crying and move on!

it's much harder for a women to just move on!
i felt guilty every time i smiled cos my baby had to die!

the pain never goes away but im told it gets easier!

no one every really understands the pain until they have gone through it themselves.

my advice is take as long as you need to grieve and ignore the hurtful comments insensitive people make!

wish you all luck!

good bye to my baby i hope ur waiting for me some where
mummy x

susan

Someday...

My husband and I got married on June 23rd, 2007 after dating for almost one and a half years. It was such a wonderful wedding that people were telling us that that was the most wonderful wedding they have ever been to. It was a day full of love, pure joy and hope.

He is truly a wonderful man who made the women in the crowd burst in tears when he read me his vows. It was passionate and so true.
In it, he said:

"Janette, who will hereafter be known as “Sweetie” or “Baby”, I realized rather quickly that there are many, many things I could swear to you in my wedding vows. Everything from just taking out the trash on a regular basis, to standing beside you for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health. But when I sat down and really looked at the list I’d made for myself, I realized that all of these sentiments were just variations on two fundamental promises related to the very definition of what a vow is.

The first is related to the fact a vow is not just a promise, it’s an expression of a genuine, heartfelt belief. It’s the belief that is important, because a vow is only as strong as the belief that drives it. You can tear this universe apart, and you won’t find a single molecule of honor, duty, hope, tenderness, friendship, family … or love. Some things in this world only exist because we chose to believe in them.

I believe in all of those things, sweetie, I promise you that. I believe in the woman standing before me, in her strength and her kindness, and I can’t truly express how proud I am to be up here with you. And I swear to you, I believe in the future we’re only just starting here today, and that I couldn’t find anyone better suited to be the mother of my children someday..."

That 'someday' would have been on August 9th this year.

For months after we got married, I have been teasing him about his promise to give me a baby, even joked about asking someone else if he wasn't up to it.

After five months, he finally said 'it was time' and that he was ready to start. I got pregnant less than a month after.

Everyone was so happy. My mother-in-law who really likes babies burst into tears about the news. My mother was so excited because that was going to be her first grandchild. Everyone was wondering how my baby would look like.

I had all my hopes and dreams built around my precious little baby--I would stop working and stay at home with her. She was going to have a brother/sister right away so she would have a playmate. We were going to sell the condo and buy a house. We were going to sell our first car and buy a van for her. We would make lots of crafts together. I was going to read her stories every night before she goes to bed. I would teach her how to sing (if she likes). She was going to be a kind and loving little person.

But on January 23rd, exactly 7 months after our wedding day, we lost our little Faith. I didn't even get to see her nor hear her heartbeat. That was probably her way of making things easier for me. Could it be that she was protecting me against the pain of it all? Could it be that she was really meant to be an angel?

The physical pain I went through during the miscarriage was nothing, compared to the pain I go through when I wake up each day and realize that Faith isn't here anymore. And that she will never be.

Perhaps someday, I'd get to see her-- my little cherubim. Perhaps someday, we will try again for her little brother/sister.

Perhaps someday...

Janette