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My Loss

Just this January I have had a sad experience.

At 4 days after my due date I had finally gone into labor at 2pm in the afternoon, my labor came and went for weeks and was so inconsistent. I did not believe it was for real this time. Contractions were 20-25 minutes apart all day until the evening.

I was talking with a friend on the phone at dinnertime questioning, "Don't babies usually calm down when you're in labor?" As my little girl just would not be still although she was always so active in my pregnancy I thought it was so peculiar in labor. I couldn't believe it, we were laughing about it. After a couple of minutes I thought my water broke so I ran to the bathroom and was very surprised to see blood. We called the hospital and they did not seem to be too worried casually told us to come in.

It took us about 20 minutes to get there and when they hooked us up to the monitor is was too late. They told us she was gone and had no heartbeat for too long; they could not save her. They said this was very sudden in this case, and nothing could have been dectected, which was so odd to me considering I had an ultrasound 3 days earlier and what, they didn't see anything? I cannot express the sadness, anger, and pain. But now we had no choice but to go through with the delivery naturally.

That was the most inhumane most horrible thing I have ever had to endure and do not know, nor could imagine someone else feeling like I did. It took me with all of my might, heart and soul to bring her into this world 6 hours later and I hated every minute of it. If I did not have a 14-year-old boy at home waiting for me, whom I love with all of my life, I would have died with her.

I am so lost, I do not know anyone who has gone through this sort of circumstance, and counseling with friends is not working as well as I would appreciate.

It's been almost 2 months and I am still not doing well....



Jenn

Lost my baby at 12 weeks

I found out that I was pregnant in January 07. My husband and I were so excited; this would be our first child and first pregnancy. Everything was going fine, I didn't have any morning sickness and I was feeling great! I was telling everyone I knew. We were hoping for a little baby boy.

Then everything changed. After going to a movie with Tim, I went to the restroom and noticed some blood. I was freaking out, praying that everything was going to be fine. Earlier that day I had some back pain and a really bad headache. The next night I had to go to the E.R. because I was bleeding too much and I was having horrible cramps. After they did an ultrasound they found out that the baby stopped developing around the 8th week. When the nurse told me that I'm having a miscarriage I started bursting out into tears, I couldn't believe our little angel was gone.

They put me on medicine for the cramps and told me to rest and go to the doctors the next day. She told me the same thing the nurse did. My husband and I were so upset. Whenever I saw a baby or baby clothes I started to cry.

My grandma gave me this stuffed animal for the baby on Valentine's Day; I couldn't stop holding that cute little dog. It's been a week and I still cry sometimes. Everyone tells me "It wasn't meant to be" or "You’re young, you'll have more". But I really wanted that child. I kept saying "I want my baby back,” or “I want to be pregnant again with that child".

My mom had a miscarriage a year or so after I was born, so she knew how it felt and was there for me too. It is a really hard thing to go through. My husband and I are going to try for another baby when the doctor says it's ok. I really want a child. I can't wait till we have a little baby.

I'm kind of afraid that I'll have another miscarriage, but I'm hopeful. So hopefully my second pregnancy will go full-term, and we'll have our adorable baby.


Marissa

My story

I am a 23-year-old young lady who's had a period since I was 9. I have never been pregnant before last year. It all started last year, when I went to the fertility doctor to see why my periods were irregular, especially since I was put on this pill provera to make it at least regulate me for a couple months, but after taking the pill I noticed that my period came on twice and then stopped. I never thought anything of it especially since I was on a pill named Clomid (a fertility pill) and never got pregnant.

Anyway, I discussed my situation with the specialist, and she told me that we were going to try this Provera pill out again as stage one then follow up from there, also stating that I may need some type of surgery to help everything along. Well here I am, everything running through my mind about getting a surgery, when she brings out this cup. She tells me that before she can prescribe Provera that I had to take a pregnancy test. I never thought anything of it, so I took it.

Moments later my dream finally came true, she came in the office and said that I was pregnant... Well of course I didn't believe her. So I took 7 tests to actually believe that I was pregnant. Within the next two weeks I had to schedule an ultrasound to find out how far along I was, come to find out I was 6 weeks, but I forgot to mention prior to the date I found out I was pregnant (6/6/06) which was 5/12/06 I had went to the doctor to actually see if I was pregnant and that was negative. So here I am so confused as to how I am 6 weeks when less than 4 weeks ago my test came back negative.

Well everything goes fine, when I turned 20 weeks I found out that I was having a girl. We named her Laila. The most beautiful name for a most beautiful little girl. 4 weeks later I started having pains. I dismissed the thought of it being anything serious because I wasn't bleeding and the pains felt like it was just gas, So I went to work. As the day went on I grew weaker and weaker until I was finally about to leave. I went to the bathroom, and what did I see but blood. I didn't panic I just yelled for someone to call 911. But I knew that Laila wouldn't survive.

It took every bit of 45 mins to an hour for the paramedics to get me to the hospital, which was right up the road... Its funny, I could have walked there and gotten there faster. Once there I was connected to all machines. She was fine. I was relieved, her father and my mother came in. My cousin was already there cause she came with me from work. Everything was going good until she wanted to come out. She was breech and she was kicking.

The doctor prepped for delivery (which I still believe I should have had a c section but because nobody could get my due date right and she was coming so fast I had no choice but to have her naturally.) I pushed and I pushed with no pain meds at all. Finally she came out, but her head got closed in my cervix due to the meds that they gave me to try to stop the labor. I was in so much pain not physically but emotionally, because in my opinion the doctor should have only gave me the meds to make her lungs strong and not the meds to stop the labor especially since I was dilated so much, but I cant change the past, I can only prepare the best I can for the future.

She was born on Oct 16,2006. And she will never be forgotten. Whether you have had a miscarriage or a baby born that passed, the pain is still the same, its just in you not to give up or forget that little one and trust in God that everything will work out next time around. This is my story...


Kendra

Still in pain

I didn't even know I was pregnant. We have been trying for about 2 years.

I had still had what I thought was my period for eleven days when I went to the doctor. I was exhausted all the time and thought I had a bladder infection or a cyst or something. The doctor sent me for blood tests and gave me a list of potential reasons for the bleeding. He had mentioned miscarriage but the bleeding had started on the exact day I had expected my period to start & I thought that it was polyps.

Two days later, the doctor said that my levels were up and that he thought it was a miscarriage. I was upset but I had to go straight back to the hospital to have another blood test to see if my levels were dropping.

When I spoke to my doctor he confirmed that I had been pregnant and had miscarried. I went home, crawled into bed and cried for hours.

My husband has been my hero through all this, taking care of me; I don't know what I would have done without him.

About day 20 of bleeding non-stop I woke up at 4am with the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I tried to get up and go to the bathroom but ended up falling out of bed and waking up my husband. He helped me to the bathroom and the pain only got worse. We rushed to the hospital and they put me on anti-biotics to prevent infection. The doctor said that my uterus was contracting to push out a clot. I just couldn't believe that I was still bleeding! I spent 14 hours in the hospital to make sure I didn't need a D&C then they sent me home with 2 anti-biotic prescriptions and one for pain meds.

That weekend the bleeding finally tapered off but I am still in almost constant pain. I have muscle cramps, I am dehydrated, exhausted, my brain is foggy, my back aches and I have a nasty pain in my abdomen. Worst of all I went to the bathroom at work today and the bleeding is back. I called my doctor and set up another appointment for Tuesday to make sure everything is okay.

This has now been going on longer than I was even pregnant. I couldn't have been more than three weeks along and I have been miscarrying for a month. The doctor says to try & look at the positive side of things, that it means we aren't infertile. It is good news if you look at it that way because I was starting to stress out thinking we would never get pregnant. The doctor also suggested waiting a couple months before trying again to avoid post partum depression. I have set June as the next time I will be pregnant! You know, power if positive thinking and visualization.

My sympathy goes out to everyone here & thank you for listening, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this because the fact that we are trying to get pregnant is mostly a secret.


still trying

lost at 14 weeks

I found out I was pregnant with our third child in June 2006. We were so happy; it was kind of a surprise. The thought of being pregnant again was finally sinking in; maybe this was our chance for a little girl. We have two wonderful boys 8 and 6.

At 11 weeks I wasn't feeling so good, backache and slight spotting. I was really scared because I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks between my boys. Went to the doctor a few days later and heard the heartbeat and I felt a bit better. 3 weeks went by and nausea was starting to fade and I was feeling better.

On August 29 I got up, took a shower and got the kids off to school, and as I was standing at the front door felt a huge rush of something really bad. I ran to the bathroom and blood just started pouring out of me. All I could do was cry I knew what was happening. I could not even move without blood gushing everywhere. My husband then called an ambulance. I tried to stand up and then I felt something very warm it was the baby; a lifeless little body hanging there.

I was in shock and so was my husband. Once at the hospital they performed a D&C and said the baby probably died at 11 weeks, which would have been the weekend I wasn't feeling so well.

The last seven months have been the worst. I cry off and on and get so upset when around other pregnant women. We have been trying to get pregnant again but are having a hard time, which makes things even worse. We have family members that think we should be over this and to move on which makes me more upset because this was our child, a part of us, that we lost.

We just want a healthy pregnancy and I am trying not to obsess about it, but it is hard.



Jennifer