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Sad and Jealous

I was eleven weeks pregnant...2 days short of being 12 weeks. I was very excited about reaching the point where miscarriage was to be less of a worry. That past weekend, I had finally shared the news of my pregnancy with my aunts and cousins. On the following Monday, I was at work and about to pick my class up from lunch. I felt really crampy and got scared. I went to the bathroom and saw a lot of blood. I could hardly contain my tears in my classroom. I stuck out the day and then called my ob/gyn.

The next day, Tuesday, I went in for an ultrasound. The nurse was really quiet. I decided to look at the screen myself. I couldn't see anything but a very small circle. She asked me," Are you sure you are 11 weeks along?" I said yes. Then, she told me that the images did not support that assertion.

Later on that night, I woke up in excruciating pain. I went to the bathroom and lost my baby. At the ER, the ER doctor was VERY rude to me. He said that he didn't see anything viable in my uterus and had a frown on his face like I was wasting his time. Thank God my parents and my husband were there. Otherwise, I think I would have REALLY gotten depressed over his lack of care.

I had a D&C on that Thursday. It has been really hard for me to deal with this. This was my first pregnancy and my coworkers and my husband tell me to be positive, but it is hard many days. I feel so sad some days when I am with my third graders and feel ashamed of myself because I failed at maintaining my pregnancy. The most shameful feeling I have, though, is extreme jealousy of celebrities like Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, Christina Aguilera, Nicole Ritchie, etc. Halle Berry is due about a month before my child would have been born. When I watch her on TV, I find myself crying and angry that she was allowed to keep hers. I have blamed myself more than I could ever admit to anyone. Through it all, though, I keep asking God to help me get rid of the anger inside. I try to hope for positive outcomes for these celebrities and hope that one day I can get pregnant again and that He will allow me to carry that one to term.

Toni

Confused

When my husband and I first found out I was pregnant we were surprised but very happy. I had only been off the pill for a month when we found out. Of course we told all our freinds and family and my sister who was pregnant herself. Though our happiness was short lived. A week later I started bleeding. I went to the doctor and went through what felt like a million blood tests only to find out that I had miscarried. The hardest part was telling my family. My mother was the only one who truly knew what was going on because she herself had been through a miscarriage. After our grieving we tried again. I immediately got pregnant again, but this one was just as short lived. I am now again pregnant and approaching the time I miscarried the first two and I am so scared. Is is natural to tell myself not to get attached just incase? I am trying to stay positive and keep my hopes alive for the life inside of me that will hopefully grow big and strong.

Erin

Sad

18 weeks pregnant. One day I started to feel a bit crampy, so I relaxed the whole day. The next morning I started to bleed...very light. I called my Dr to let him know. He said to monitor the bleeding, if in an hour the bleeding fills a pad or becomes heavier then I would have to come in. In two hours, my cramps got worse and the bleeding began to get heavier. I went in and I decided to have the miscarriage naturally. My d&c was placed the next day after the miscarriage. I'm so upset and feel alone. Trying again makes me scared. Me and my boyfriend are trying to pull through.

jaime

4th Pregnancy

I already have 2 healthy little boys, aged 5 and 2, and in Jan 2007 I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd baby, things quickly turned ugly, I was constantly sick, I could barely get out of bed to get my 5 yo to school most mornings, I was sleeping constantly, I couldn't even drink water without being sick. I had a blood test, which showed my blood sugar was dangerously low; I suffer from hypoglycemia already so to have got this news was so hard to deal with. I have no family support around me for my 2 boys, and my ex was no help to me and my new partner who I had been with less then 2 months had no idea how to cope with what I was going through. The doctor gave me a choice, I could be hospitalized every few days so they could drip feed me, or I could terminate my pregnancy. I chose the termination because I needed to be here for my little boys. I felt so guilty.

Over the next few months I started to regain my emotional strength, and after long talks with my now fiancé, we decided to try for another baby, he was scared and not sure what to expect, but I fell pregnant nonetheless. I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks ago.

About a week after I found out I was having mild cramping, I thought nothing of it, just thought it was normal. I was so thrilled with the way this pregnancy was going, I was hardly sick, I could eat anything I wanted. When I was pregnant with both of my boys I had morning sickness the whole way through. I was ecstatic; I thought I could finally enjoy one of my pregnancies.

Then last Monday I started spotting, I knew something wasn't right, I went straight to the ER and the doctor took my blood, my HCG was excellent, they did an internal and the cervix was still closed, so I was sent home with a referral for an ultrasound the next day.

I was so nervous, when I went for the ultrasound, the doctor told me he couldn't see anything in my sack, he could see it, but he estimated me to be only about 4-5 weeks pregnant, to early to see a heartbeat, I thought I was more like 7-8 weeks along. I didn't think anything of it. I just thought I had my dates really wrong. We still remained positive the baby was ok.

I had another HCG test on Friday and the results came back higher then they were on Monday but not as good as I had hoped.

Then on Friday I miscarried our baby, I found my yolk sack and the tiny fetus in my pad. I was shocked, angry and devastated at what I had seen. I am still not quite sure how I am going to deal with it.

I have lost 2 babies with in one year, I am not sure if I want any more children now.


Kelly

Our lost baby

I found out yesterday that there was not a fetal heartbeat on my 8 week ultrasound. My doctor has told me my options are a D&C or to simply wait for a miscarriage. I have 3 beautiful children who make me laugh every day and I am so grateful for them!

It is hard for me to believe that this one didn't make it since all 3 others were so problem free. I think I need a little more time before deciding on a D&C but my OB says the longer I wait, the greater the chance of infection and risk. What a choice! This makes me EXTRA grateful to God for the babies I do have and my heart goes out to the women who have suffered pregnancy losses. I now feel your pain.

Aly