Post your Story

BEFORE I KNEW YOU, YOU WERE GONE

I found out i was pregnant back in september, i was excited but nervous due to the fact i had a daughter who was only a year old, I kept asking myself how was I going to do this, but in time I knew I could do it, because I loved them both.. I went to the dr who confirmed my pregnancy in early October, which is when we told our families and a few close friends.. we were so excited.. me more than anyone, I couldnt wait..
At around 7 weeks I began spotting so I called the dr and was told to come in to have an US done, I was so nervous, we did the US and the baby looked perfect, strong hearbeat! I was relieved, the dr told me to just not worry about the bleeding/spotting as long as I didnt have any pain with it. So I went home happy as could be and cotinued living my life. I had another appt a few weeks later, when I was almost 10 weeks, with the nurse practicioner and everything was going on track. Went home and at 11 weeks began bleeding but still had no pain.. hoping to make it to my 12 week appt with my dr to discuss what was going on. The bleeding never stopped, and on November 21, 2010, yes two days ago, I woke up at 7 am so know something wasnt right, I had been up off and on all night due to the bleeding. I got up to go to the bathroom and lost my baby, I Knew it as soon at it started what was happening.. There was so much blood... I will never forget, I called my mom and we went to the hospital where I sat for a few hours getting things done, knowing the whole time the baby was gone.. only to have it be told to me after an US. It was the worst experience of my life and I will never forget it. I go in today to meet with my dr. hopefully I can get some answers and begin to process it all and move on as best as I can.

I do believe things happen for a reason and although it sucks this was supposed to happen to me, I may never know why but I believe God does everything for a reason. I believe there was something not right with this baby and I am sad but happy I never knew what sex it was or felt it moving. Also that I didn't give birth to it to have it die later or have a life of complications.

I dont think I would be dealing so well if I didnt have my daugher who is almost 16 months old now to keep my busy and show me there is hope and I can try again, as soon as I am able to, which we plan to do!! This experience has forever changed me and I now more than ever feel so blessed to have my daughter and be a mommy!

There is hope, you have to believe in that, no matter what!

Thank you for listening to my story, and I never thought I would be posting anything like this as my life. It was never going to be me, but it is, and I hope my story and myself someday can help someone else, by giving them hope. Because even after 2 days, I still am going to try again!
I am sorry for all those who are going through the same thing as I am, it stinks and I would never wish it upon anyone ever.. Just keep the hope!

My Henry

I was scared and nervous when I found out that I was "surprise!) pregnant with my second child early last year, due right around my son's second birthday. However, I quickly got used to the idea nd was excited about having to children close in age as I had five years between myself and my brother growing up and wanted my kids to be closer in age. My pregnancy seemed fine at first but as it progressed it became very different from my "perfect" first pregnancy. I had some bleeding at 11.5 weeks but it went away and I was told first trimester bleeding was common (which it is very much so and does not always result in a loss). Around 18 weeks, I started having more bleeding, where I would have a "big bleed"- soaking through a pad in a hour- and then it wouldn't happen for a couple of days and then it would happen again. It got progressively worse until I had to be hospitalized. Around 22 weeks, a very important time for development, my amniotic fluid went down so much so that I was told that due to the bleeding and risk to my life, I needed to terminate the pregnancy. I decided not to and bled heavily for several more weeks. At 24 weeks, my Henry was born. Up until delivery, he still had a strong heartbeat and besides the amniotic fluid being low and bleeding, he was fine in his size and growth. He was stillborn and was so perfect. 1 pound four ounces and 12 inches long. We got to hold him and stay with him as long as we wanted. I have never felt such sadness and pain in my life. I miss him so much. I am now pregnant (10 weeks) after another miscarriage and I am just so scared. I really want another baby but have had some spotting and just terrified I will have another miscarriage. After losing my Henry and the last miscarriage, I don't know how much more I can take. I miss the babies I lost so much and I already love this one. I just pray all the time that this time it will be okay but until June, I don't know that I will get through it. I know many of you have lost babies and know the feeling. I just miss him so much.

Samantha

Miscarriage

Hi,i lost 7weeks pregnancy,it was painfull but a nurse lady who is in her mid 30s told me to be strong because she has never been pregnant and is still waiting.God has good plans am praying for another and believe i will be soon.Be strong too.

mothoni

No one seems to understand

A week ago today I woke up to brown spotting. I was 8 weeks pregnant and although freaked out a little bit, I calmed myself when I read online that it was normal to be spotting in the first trimester. However through the day the spotting increased and turned a very dark color until I started to see little bits of red in it. Tuesday morning it seemed to have stopped and since I didn’t have any cramps I began feeling positive that it had only been a scare and the baby would be fine. Later that morning while at work I started to feel cramps and left the office. Thankfully my husband was home too so that when the miscarriage started he was able to give me comfort and eventually take me to the doctor’s office. The pains started to get worse on our way to the doctor’s and it wasn’t until I was sitting in the exam bed waiting for the doctor to examine me that I knew I was miscarrying. There was a lot of blood with clots and excruciating pain. I don’t know how much of the pain was physical and how much was emotional, but I felt like I was breaking inside and there was nothing I could do to stop it. my husband was so amazing…he’d never seen me in such a vulnerable situation, so much so that I would have felt embarrassed if it wasn’t for the pain I was feeling…but he just held my hand and cried with me. Hands down, the worst experience of our lives. And when I was home later that day and thought it was over I went to the bathroom and passed the baby. I don’t care if it wasn’t a “baby” yet, like my doctor said, to me it was my baby. Seeing my baby floating in the toilet was the emptiest feeling I’ve ever had. I’ll never forget that image. It’ll live engrained in my mind for the rest of my life. For a few seconds I couldn’t feel anything because I felt so empty inside, like a ghost. Finally my husband flushed it and we cried in each other’s arms for a while. I think I was crying for his pain too…it was weird…I was in so much pain over this loss and at the same time feeling incredibly guilty for causing this pain to my husband…because I felt like it was my fault. The baby died in my body, so my body didn’t do its job, I didn’t do my job. No one I’ve spoken to understands what I’ve gone through, or at least that’s what it feels like. It’s not like I’m going around talking to people about it, but I’ve told my family and closest friends and they just tell me it wasn’t meant to be, that we’ll have another and everything is going to be okay. I think what I need is someone who’ll look me straight in the eye and tell me it’s okay to feel horrible, to tell me they understand what I’m going through, to tell me I have a right to feel mad and desperate and resentful. But it hasn’t been a week yet and no one’s asked me how I’m doing. Even my husband is done talking about it, even though I know he thinks about it almost as much as I do. Last night I cried myself to sleep and he held my hand, but he didn’t say anything. Although I don’t think it would have helped if he had.

I’m 28, he’s 29 and we’ve been married for almost 3 years. We had been waiting to try until we both completed grad school which I already had and he had a few months left. We decided to get off contraception and definitely did not expect to get pregnant so quickly but we did and we were thrilled. We hadn’t told anyone yet except my parents and we’re going to wait a couple more weeks to make sure the baby was okay, but obviously that didn’t work out. In those short weeks between finding out I was pregnant and the miscarriage we had made so many plans. Every day I would wake up and I just couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be carrying a baby. Amazed that my husband and I were creating a little human that was part of both of us. Wondering how he or she would look like, thinking of names, going to baby stores to look at stuff we would need. We were the happiest people on earth…and to have this taken away from us, it’s devastating. A cruelty that we didn’t deserve.

The past few days have been long and hard…with the reminder of babies everywhere. Everyone is having babies, getting pregnant, baby shower announcements coming out of the woodwork…its almost too much to bare. And I can’t be happy for anyone right now, not even family. Not yet.

It’s hard to consider that anything positive came out of this, but I think I love my husband more than I ever have. And I think we are closer than ever for going through this together. So maybe that’s the silver lining. And the fact that now we are more than ever convinced about how much we want to be parents and are anxious to try again….although I’m scared to death of another miscarriage.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a bad dream and that I’m going to wake up to find I’m still pregnant. But instead, I’m having dreams that I’m still pregnant, and then I wake up and feel empty.

I don’t think there’s anything that’s going to make this pain go away, however I want to badly to get pregnant again because somehow I think that’s going to ease my loss. But I know I’ll be a complete mess with worries of another miscarriage. Because I don’t think I could go through this again.

AK

2 miscariages

hello,my first miscarrage was at 6 weeks.i had bright red bleeding without pain at first but about an hour later i had severe pains in my lower tummy and back.i went to hospital only to be told i couldnt be scanned until tuesday as it was a saturday it happened and scanning wasnt available until then.i was devestated.i knew deep down that i had lost my much longed for baby.on the day of the scan they confirmed id lost the baby and i would keep bleeding for about a week.my second miscarriage happened 3 years later.this time i started bleeding brown blood and at my scan was told my baby was measuring 6 weeks but i was 9 weeks pregnant so the baby had died 3 weeks before and was a missed miscarriage.i was sent home to miscary the baby naturally but i was in terrible pain so i went back to hospital after 2 days of agony and they ofered me a operation to remove the baby which i agreed to.it was so devastating to lose another baby.i am so happy to say that i now have a beautiful baby boy who is 15 months.when i got pregnant again i was terrified that id miscarry again but my pregnancy went very smoothly and im prgnant again.im 11 weeks and im very nervous but hoping everthing will be fine at my scan in a few weks time.i must admit that at one time i thought id never have a baby but ive been blessed with my son so there i hope.hope my story helps.

nichola