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Please Help Me

I am a 33-year-old woman who has had 15 operations to do with my womb. I have suffered from endometriosis since age 9. I had a myomectomy at 21 and several operations to remove adhesions - the last of which was September 2006. To our surprise we became pregnant naturally after that operation and we were due to start IVF this year.

I had numerous problems with the pregnancy and was still suffering badly with morning sickness (I am 20wks +4 days). I went today for my first antenatal clinic appointment and the doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat. He sent me for a scan and they told me my baby is dead. Oh God, I am shattered. I don’t know what to do.

I have been given a tablet and told to return on Thursday at 12 so they can give me another tablet, which will start the labor. We had a scan on the 19th Jan and everything looked fine. We were booked in for the anomaly on the 16th Feb. I don’t know why this has happened and I am so very low and scared. I was told for 11 years I would never be pregnant and all our joy has gone.

I am so scared about the labor and the loss of my little "nutmeg" as we called the baby. I don’t know why I a writing this as I can’t offer anyone any support. I just need to tell someone out there who may be going through this you are not alone. I want the doctors to be wrong but they say they are 100% certain my baby is dead.

Please can someone pray for me? I am so very, very scared.

I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes as I am crying so much as I type. I just want my baby to be alive again.


Lorraine

He's in a better place.

I was so excited to feel my little one kick that I knew he was gone before I went to the hospital. Every time he kicked I rubbed him softly and spoke to him. The day he stopped kicking I knew something was wrong. I continued to speak to him and rub him in order to possibly wake him up and make him move.

After 2 days of no kicking, I called my Dr. I went to the Dr. and he tried to find his heartbeat with the Doppler. When no heartbeat was found I prepared myself for the worst. We went into the ultrasound room and he performed the ultrasound. No heartbeat movement. I felt as if my world was ending. I let the Dr. induce my labor. I delivered Corey two days later.

While in the hospital waiting to deliver I went through a variety of emotions. I also thought about suicide. I blamed myself and also GOD!! It has been 3 weeks since I held my child and I am so glad that I at least had a chance to hold him in my arms for as long as I needed to.


Kattie

desperately in need of a little one after Preston

I wrote about losing Preston, my little baby boy in September 2006. Every day is a little better than the last but I grief for him every day. I lost Preston at 6 1/2 months; Christmas Day was absolutely horrible for me since it was his due date. That day it hit me like a slap of reality that I will never lay eyes on Preston until my last day here on earth. I didn't see my son when I delivered him and I must say I regret that the most.

Since I lost him I've been desperately trying to have another baby. I waited for one month before trying again and foolishly thought I'd get pregnant right away. Unfortunately that isn't the case. Every month when my period comes I feel like my dream of becoming a mom dies a little. My dr. felt sorry for me at my last checkup and prescribed Clomid even though he says it's a bit soon to think there is a problem. So I am waiting anxiously to start it on my next cycle. Hopefully I will get my wish.

I know my next pregnancy will be difficult because I have an incompetent cervix (I discovered that with Preston) but I welcome the chance to have a little one in my arms.

Losing a baby is the hardest experience you could ever go through and you ladies have my sympathies. Every day I muster up the courage to face the day without my Preston in my arms. I hope I'll be lucky to have a little brother or sister for him to look over from heaven.


kimmey

Loss of my little one

I knew on Tuesday, before any physical signs that something was wrong. As I sat in my office at work, I was overwhelmed with this emotion...and I just knew. Wednesday morning when I woke up, I went to the bathroom, and there on the toilet paper was a brownish discharge. I FREAKED. I decided to go to work, and called the nurse first thing. She said it was normal and since I had a scheduled appointment on Friday that I shouldn't worry. Well on Thursday the discharge was red and there was more of it. The doctor decided to do an internal ultrasound that afternoon.

With my husband beside me holding my hand, I saw the first picture of my little baby...the reason that the past 12 weeks had been the happiest of my life. And then the doctor said the words that changed my life, "There is no heartbeat". My whole world caved in on me at that moment! After sitting in a fog of disbelief that night, I decided that my need for closure outweighed my fear of surgery, and I scheduled a D&C for Monday morning. Well Friday night, nature decided to take its course and I miscarried my baby at my mother's house! Life could not get any worse. But it did, that night I had "labor" pains for almost 17 hours, and bled throughout the night.

The next morning the doctor decided that I had not passed all of the tissue and I needed the D&C anyways! Today is only Monday, and between family and friends calling, and the physical pain, I have not had too much time to grieve properly. Every time I stop for one second, and think about it I break down. In the shower, and at night while my husband is sleeping I cry. I hope one day the physical and emotional pain that I am going through right now with be overcome by my wanting to be a mother, and we will try again!


Aimee

Da Lost of my Lil Angel!

When I found out that I was pregnant I was happy because I was going to be a mom and also having a baby with the guy I love was so sweet so I was happy. But then on a Sunday night I got pulled over with me and my boyfriend and his friends. We went to jail, and I wanted to go to the restroom. I saw that I was bleeding just a spot but I said to myself it’s normal.

Then the next day I was bleeding more and cramping more so I decided to go to the emergency room and they said my baby was fine that so possibly it’s normal - so I went home. The next day it was worse then anything, so I went again, but to a different emergency room and they told me that my baby was top low from were it was to supposed to be and that the pain was going to get worse. They decided to take my baby away cause it was effecting me. I was loosing a lot of blood so they decided to take it away, which hurt me a lot. I still cry every day and night for my lil angel. My baby will always be here in my heart forever no matter what!!!!!!!
R.I.P
My lil Angel
Daddy n Mommy Love you


Veronica