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I was seven weeks pregnant exactly. I was only four weeks along when I found out I was pregnant. I was happy even though the pregnancy wasn't exactly planned. I was starting to get used to the idea that we were going to be parents. We told all of our family and many of our friends. We even picked out a name if it was a boy. A few days ago I had mild cramping and they pushed up my ultrasound date so that they could make sure there were no problems. The baby was fine. I could even see the littel heartbeat on the ultrasound. Friday my fiance and I went shopping and when we came home I went to the bathroom. I wiped and saw blood and freaked out. We went straight to the hospital. They did an internal exam and told me my cervix was still closed and that the bleeding could have come from other sources. We were just waiting for the test results. I felt wet down below and asked my mom to give me a tissue to wipe up the ky jelly they had used to do the exam. When I wiped there was a large clot and the gestational sac on the tissue. I was devastated. Now it's just the aftermath. The cramping and bleeding haven't stopped and I feel terrible. I am so upset. I feel so empty and I feel like I failed in some way. I keep wondering if I were closer to a healthy weight would things have been different. I wonder if I had worked less, took more naps, listened to my body more when I was tired if things would have been different. I saw my fiance cry like I had never seen him cry before. I will never forget his face. He is being so supportive. Part of me wants to try again right away, but part of me is afraid. He wants to try again, but is afraid that if the same thing happens again I won't be able to handle it emotionally. I don't know if I will be able to either to be honest. I just want to be pregnant again. I want my baby back. They told me I have a fibroid on my uterus and I am hoping that doesn't mean that I won't be able to have children. I don't find out about that until tomorrow. Right now I am hating life and I am just so hurt and so heartbroken. I wonder why I would be given such a beautiful gift just to have it snatched back away from me. I am just so depressed. I hope that will pass because I am normally such a happy person. I would appreciate any of your stories to help me through this. It does help to know that you're not alone. It also helps to know that other women have gotten through this to have healthy babies afterward. Thank you in advance. - Takia

Takia

19 weeks along and lost the baby...

My husband and I lost our baby nearly one month ago. We were 19 weeks along and I was finally at a stage of enjoying the pregnancy. We were so excited, it was to be our first baby. We had been to the doctor at 17 weeks. The heartrate was perfect, my uterus was right where it was supposed to be, all was well. The weekend before our miscarriage I noticed a little bit of a brownish discharge. It wasn't significant, but I called the on-call doctor anyway. He said it was nothing to worry about unless the blood was bright red and increased. The weekend went on without any changes. I didn't feel all that great the entire weekend. After reading some stories I realized I was feeling like I was no longer pregnant. It was a disturbing feeling to be feeling negatively when I knew I needed to stay positive. Around 11pm Sunday night I started having some cramping. I thought it was gas originally, but by 1am I could barely hobble to the bathroom...I was bent over in extreme pain. I yelled for my husband. It happened all too quickly to react after that. We miscarried around 230 am. I was initially inconsolable and went in to the "I'm so sorry" mode. It took some time to relieve myself of blame. We do not know the cause of our miscarriage, our doctor tells us it was most likely a case of bad luck. The first week following the miscarriage I had the distinct feeling of emptiness. I missed being pregnant, I missed the butterflies I got when thinking about our baby and wondering what she was going to look like. There was nothing left to look forward to. Now that I've had some time to grieve I realize there was something wrong and we were not meant to have that little one. We will try again and hope for a healthy baby the next go round. There is plenty to look forward to and I cannot wait to feel that sense of completeness that I felt when I was pregnant! Keep a strong mind, stay healthy and take care of yourself first and foremost. If it's meant to be, it will happen!

Minta

Listen to your body!!

Sharon was the name I choose to name my baby girl. Two days after my 25th b-day, I woke up and felt like I had to poop. After several atempts nothing was coming out ,execpt for out of my vaginal area. I have a son which is 7 months old, and two depo shots. My husband rushed me to the ER, and I got the famous question are you pregnant, I said no way i had two depo shots. After taking a urine sample I got the news, I was pregnant and on top of that I was 21 wks. My body had given me the signs and I ignored them, due to the two shots of birth control. During the ultrasound, My baby was alive. So I began to pray for her to live. I felt that I was cheated out of her life, because I didn't know that i was pregnant. The nurse began to play her heart beat and at the same time the dr. was telling me she was to little to survive. So I became so angry and said turn the heart beat off. I just didn't understand why this was happening to me and my husband. My daughter pass away that day at noon and was delivered that day at 4:26pm. I held her little body which only weighted 12oz in my arms. That moment I will never forget for the rest of my life. The hospital dressed her in a little white dress and captured a couple of pictures. I later had my daughter cremated and will lay her to rest when I'm ready. I beat myself up everyday because if I had listen to my body maybe she would still be here. This Saturday makes two weeks and I'm coming along. My son is my everything now and I have learn to cherish every moment I have with him.

To My daughter Sharon, Mother loves you and cherished every moment we spent together. You live on though me.

Belinda

not again

i wrote her in july to tell of my miscarriage at 6 wks. one week after i found out i was pregnant again. it really helped with the grieving to think i had been given a second chance. i miscarried again 4 wks later. it put such a strain on my relationship we are barely together. i go to counselling every monday to talk about my feelings. i cant talk to my partner as he didnt want either of my babies. he cannot understand why i cant snap out of it and move on. im sure there are many of you out there completely understanding of my situation. i can put a happy face on for a while but sometimes little things set me off. things like babies on tele or pregnant women walking past. i just want a baby sooo much right now but if i did i know i would be a single parent. i try not to talk about my feelings to his so as not to start an arguement. talking to the counsellor i can get it all off my chest. we all need someone to talk to. if you are alone out there please think about talking to one. its the best thing ever. Joanne 10-10-08

joanne

ectopic

hi could any help me i have lost 2 babys by ectopics one in 2001 and in 2006. now at 28 years old does anybody no if i have a chance ever having a baby my sister as a boy and any day now she will be having a another. it makes me so mad that i cant have one. i keep asking why but its like i am one my own with out light on.

mazzy