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I was 23 at the time and I had been having pregnancy symptoms for almost 2 months when I found out I was pregnant.
On Halloween I noticed that my top was extremely tight and half way through the night I had to change, over the next couple of weeks I started to just feel like crap. I was gagging almost everyday and I started to notice my breasts were overly tender. My mother kept telling me I was pregnant but I just brushed her off my boyfriend thought she was nuts. December came around and I finally decided to take a test I wanted to prove my mother wrong, I took the test and it was instantly positive I was confused and nervous but very excited. I took a total of 9 tests because I wanted to make sure it was right. I told my boyfriend who was nervous and worried but I know now he was very excited. I also told my step dad because I was freaking out and he was the 1st one I thought to call.
Things just slowly fell in to place for me everything made sense all of the gagging and the clothes not fitting right, I had to tell my grandparents because I lived with them at the time, they were upset but happy my cousin had recently given birth to a boy so they were hoping for a girl this time.I was the 1st granddaughter so I wanted to be the one to give them the 1st great-granddaughter, My mother was not excited at 1st she didn't think she was old enough to be a grandmother and she had problems with the whole situation but she came around.
I was finally able to go see the doctor about a week later I knew something was not totally right because I was spotting and while that can be normal it just didn't feel right to me, I had started spotting the night Santa came on his firetruck to my cousins neighborhood I laid on the sofa with my feet propped up by a pillow cuddling with the dog. I went to my appointment and my doctor who is a very sweet man could not hide anything from me, he looked up at me and said "Well your pregnant" then he looked away I looked him in the face and said ok and everything is fine...he told me he didn't want to worry me but I needed to go get an Ultra Sound right away and he wanted me to get blood work. I left right away and drove 45 minutes out of my way so I could get a US ASAP because all the places close to me had no appointments. The tech was mean she barely spoke and just asked me one question "Why are you even here?" That was all she had to say and I knew something was wrong. I finally got a call back that I needed to go to the doctors it was a couple of days later. That night I started to have really bad pain and light bleeding so I knew when I went in to the doctors that next morning that whatever he was going to tell me was not good I had, had 2 blood tests at this point to check my levels from one appointment to the next. my levels had dropped as I had thought they would. The nurse who I had been seeing for years was very nice and asked if I knew what he was going to say to me, I told her that I knew I was going to miscarry. She said yes I was miscarrying but he would explain everything to me and she wanted to reassure me that at least I had gotten pregnant because growing up we were not sure I would be able to due to a intestinal condition I had since birth. Everything happened so quickly he told me when he came in not to worry that my body was doing it naturally so there was no need for drugs or anything it would take a couple of days and I would need to get my blood work done every couple of weeks until my levels were under 5.
My boyfriend wanted to take me to lunch to make my feel better which was a nice idea but have way through lunch it started I had to get up an walk around only that made it worse with it being Christmas time there were little kids and babies everywhere I lost it had a complete breakdown in the mall. I came home to lay in bed and let it finish I passed several large clots and I saw my baby I cried for what seemed like days we had guests coming in to stay and since not everyone in the family knew about the pregnancy I had to put on a smile and not let anyone know I was sad. I got the normal "God only gives you what you can handle" which to me was a load of crap because if in fact God only gives you what you can handle then he wouldn't have allowed me to get pregnant in the 1st place but that is just me I guess. Also I heard of a lot of well its not healthy for you to be soo upset over this. Yes thank you so much for understanding. I had to keep going to the doctors well in to February because my levels would not go down so each time I went to the doctors it was like living it all over again. It's been a year and this year was very interesting to say the least.
I want every woman to know that you are not alone when this happens to you, I wrote a blog about it writing letters to my baby and my boyfriend bought me the most beautiful memorial necklace, I will always have a spot in my heart for Quinn and the date I will never forget 12/18/09.

Ash

Mi Amorcito

Well, I Am 16 Years Old...Last Week I Was 8 Weeks Pregnant And I Had Been Going To Check Ups Since I Was 5 Weeks Pregnant Because I Didnt Know I Was Pregnant The First 4 Weeks And I Had Been Drinking Alot. The Babys Dad Was Not With Me But He Was Supporting Me. As He Is 23 Years Old . When I Was 8 Weeks I Found Out I Lost Mi Amorcito ) : I Was Devestated.. I Had Went To The Doctors And They Had Said I Was Bleeding Tremendously ) : I Was So Scared. And Now Its Been A Week And I Have My Period Now 0 :

S.L.H

Why

*this is to all i guess*

im 15 years old, i have lost a baby! . idont really remember why this happened... this one night i went to a friend's house to go watch a movie , but instead of watching the movie we ended up just talking .. so after , they took me home , but before i could get inside my house , i realized i was bleeding , i went inside and told my mother! , she took me to the emergency room! , i dont remember the rest! , but i forget things easily cause like i lose my memory! . so my parents usually remind me things! .
by the way the father didnt care about the baby, he was a year older than me! ,

i was so excited to have a baby, its my dream! i guess like the father pushed me or something like that! ,i just wish i knew .... When i was 13 years old , i had picked out names for my future baby boy/girl. but now im just gonna wait until i finish school then go to college then have a family! , young mothers are lucky to have their children! , i wonder how it would be like if i didnt lose my baby!

Arden

Our ANGEL

My husband Chris and I had been trying for a baby since March 2010 when I found out in Nov. 2010 we were sooo excited. I started spotting a week before Christmas and thought that it was implantation bleeding but it kept getting heavier went to the hospital Dec 30 2010 the baby was fine.On Jan 3 got up went to the bathroom at 5:30am I was bleeding HEAVY....went to the ER they did a pelvic exam gave me fluids and told me to follow up with my doctor that day since I let them know I had an appointment at 10:15am that same morning. I went to my OB they scheduled an ultrasound at 1:15 pm and NO heartbeat. As every parent we were devastated I had our angel that next morning JANUARY 4 2011 at 1:45 am......I know that our ANGEL is in the hands of GOD and I understand what other mom and dads are going through since this is all still new for us as well GOD BLESS any parent who's had to go through such a hard time. Chris and Crystal Martinez

crystal and chris martinez

Kelsi's Story

I am 22 years old and recently graduated from nursing school, which I did very well in. I had so much going for me and everything I had ever planned for was falling in place. I had a wonderful boyfriend that I loved with all of my heart. Around August 2010 I got offered a job at a hospital on a postpartum/nursery floor. I was ecstatic! Thinking to myself, “Wow! What is more exciting than getting to help new mothers with their beautiful babies?” My parents were so proud. About 2 weeks later, I got more shocking, but exciting news that my boyfriend and I would be expecting our first child. While my boyfriend was at work, I felt terrible for telling him over the phone, but I couldn’t wait. I had held it in for as long as I could- about 2 hours. He was shocked as well, but informed me that everything was going to be fine. We were a very strong couple. Yes, we had disagreements, but never any arguments or fights. I loved him very much, and in my heart I knew we were going to be great parents. He was good to me, never bringing me down, and always lifting me up. We did everything together and always wore smiles.
I was very thrilled that I would start working in a few weeks and would get to be experienced on the floor where I would be working. Also, my doctor’s office is right next door to the hospital. A couple days later we brought our news to his parents. No surprise, they were shocked as well, but were very supportive. As for my boyfriend and I, we decided that it was no rush to get married for these circumstances and agreed to wait until the time was right for us. With that being said, I could see myself being with him for the rest of my life. A couple days after that we told my mother. The feedback we got was NOT what I had expected. I was called very ugly names, and therefore we left minutes after. My heart was broken. Not only scared and nervous about the pregnancy, but my new job (that I haven’t even started), and along with everyday issues life throws at us. I can’t even explain how I felt that day. My mother has always been a big part of my life and I have always looked up to her. To not have her support shattered my everything. The only thing that made my mind at ease on the ride home that day was my boyfriend.
Shortly after, my mom came around and we told my father and he was very supportive. Finally, I felt better. Everyone that was in our immediate family knew. We could now focus more on our baby rather than telling everyone the news. My first doctor’s appointment was on September 8th, 2010. My mother and my boyfriend’s mother both went with me, because he couldn’t be there because of work. Of course, I wanted him there, but I was understanding and he promised me he would make sure to take a day off for the next appt. However, to this day, it makes me sick at my stomach to know that he wasn’t there with me. The appt went well, had my first ultrasound, heard the baby’s heartbeat and everything was perfect! I was 6 weeks and 2 days. My doctor told me my due date is May 2nd 2011. I was so excited and couldn’t wait for my next appointment. Later that evening when my boyfriend got home from work, first thing I showed him the ultrasound pictures!
I began working a few weeks later, which was in the middle of September, 2010. I absolutely loved it. Everyday was such an amazing experience. I was learning so much on what I was going to be experiencing months later. My boyfriend and I decided on a name if it would be a boy… it would be “Cash Thomas”.
On September 29th, 2010 when I got up to go to work, I had starting spotting. By this time I was almost 10 weeks. I was a nervous wreck. It was a very small amount and was pink, and I had already knew that light spotting is normal during the first few weeks of pregnancy, so I decided to ask another nurse when I got to work. She told me I needed to call my doctor right then. My doctor is so wonderful, and informed me to calm down and come over to the office when they open. She took me in our break room and we prayed together. My boyfriend was working nights at the time and had just gotten off and asleep when I had called him. He was on his way. Only a few minutes later he called me back and he had gotten in a wreck. If that didn’t make me feel like crap. Thank God he was not hurt. His mother picked him up and they met me at the doctor’s office just before they opened. We got called back just after we arrived and had another ultrasound done. Being a nurse, I should have known something was wrong, but I was in such shock from everything that had just happened; I was silent. The ultrasound tech never said hardly anything. She cut the machine off and told us that she could not find a heartbeat. I lost it, and burst into tears. There are NO words that can express how I felt at that moment. My boyfriend at my side, held me. Honestly, it felt like a bad dream. I wish I could have just snapped my finger and I could wake up. My doctor told us that this was just the beginning and said a miscarriage this early usually occurs from chromosomal abnormalities, and this doesn’t mean I can’t have a term pregnancy in the future. He sent me and home and told me to come back first thing the next morning for pelvic exam and possibly have a D&C. I was unable to move the rest of the day. How could this have happened to me? I did everything right? I asked myself and God lots of questions.
Later that evening, I stood up and right then I knew I was miscarrying. It was the most terrible thing I’ve ever had to go through. My heart breaks for anyone that has been through it. It is a terrible feeling, like no other. I felt terrible that my boyfriend wasn’t there to hear our baby’s heartbeat that day. The contractions had started and I couldn’t sleep any the whole night.
Everyone had told me “Kelsi, everything happens for a reason.” I know everyone meant well, but that didn’t make me feel any better. I know God never gives you more than you can handle, but I didn’t want to handle this. All I wanted was my baby.
The next day, we went to my doctor. I needed to have a D&C. Around noon I went back to surgery. I was so nervous, but it wasn’t a nervous about the surgery. All I could think about was the baby. What is a little boy? Or was it a little girl? Why did this really happen? Why me? What if I can’t ever have any kids? Would this happen again? I went back to surgery. My boyfriend, My mother, and his mother all waiting. The nurses told my boyfriend that when I woke up from surgery, the first thing I asked was where my boyfriend was. Which put my heart at ease, because I had not even asked him how he felt the day before. I had not thought how he was hurting as well. I was being selfish and only thinking of myself. I couldn’t remember asking where he was. But, even when I wasn’t in my right mind… I was thinking of him. I was pretty much out of it the rest of the day. They sent me home with pain meds but I didn’t feel anything anymore. I was numb.
My boyfriend’s brother’s wife was 2 weeks pregnant ahead of me. Two months later her and her husband found out they are having a boy. Without asking of how I felt, we had to hear it from others that they are naming their baby Kash. How could someone do this to us? Did they realize how much that hurt us? Why? How could someone name their baby that, when we just lost our baby only 2 months before? I had a lot of questions, and never could get answers. I can’t explain how I felt the moment I heard they were naming their baby Kash. Everyone told me “It is just a name.” Well, it wasn’t just a “name” to me, it was much more than that. It was very special to me. It makes me sick at my stomach writing about it. I did my best trying to cope with the loss of my baby as best as I could. But naming their baby the only name picked out made it even harder on me. It was like they were throwing it in my face. I can’t imagine how they sleep at night knowing they did that to us. Little did I know, that this name would be the breaking point for my boyfriend and I. I decided that it was best if I wasn’t around either of them. My boyfriend’s family did not agree with my decision, therefore caused tension between my boyfriend and I.
He then started telling me that I should just “get over it”. Just before Christmas I moved back in with my mother and my two little brothers that I love with all of my heart. After, he would hardly talk to me about anything. He told me he didn’t want to see me or have anything to do with me. I still don’t understand why. What did I ever do? He told me he wasn’t a sad person and told me I should talk to someone because of the way I acted.
It has been 3 months ago today that I had my miscarriage. Still today, I ask myself “Where did everything go wrong?”. I will never forget about my boyfriend and the child we lost. My baby will always have a special place in my heart and next to it will be my boyfriend. To this day, I love him, and I always will.

Kelsi