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why me

On june 22, 2009 I had just went in to work we was about to have a morning meeting when i told my friend i felt dehydrated so i went and got some water so we get into out meeting and i start to fell dizzy and for a minute i felt weird and everything started to look dizzy the next thing i no i hear someone saying call 911 i had done fell out i was 16 weeks pregnant at the time so i get to the hospital and i tell the doctor i fell like water is running down my legs she ask me to stand and water and blood just start to rushing down my legs she tell me oh thats just some bodily fluids (wth) so that send me to the ultrasound room and check me my baby heart is still beating and he is doing well they tell me the fluid around my baby is low but everything is fine so they give me stitches in my forehead and send me home they till me to check in with my doctor in three days to follow up. so i get home and im cramping and cramping and cramping so two days later i decide to go back to the hospital after sitting in the waiting room all day they finally call me back and send me to the ultrasound room check me and send me back to the room to wait for the doctor so she come in and tell me she has some good news and some bad news well she say the good news is that my baby heart is beating good and is during fine but the bad news is that my baby fluid around him is low and ask me did my water ever broke i told her when i was at the other hospital i told that nurse that i think my water had broke and she said oh it's just some bodily fluids so she tell me no that was your water breaking and sorry but we are going to have to deliver your baby tonight and he will pass away once he come out my heat drop to the floor i felt like my world had just come to an end even though i already had one son i wanted this one to this is my baby living in me heart beating in me and they telling me that he is going to die in a few hours i felt like it was my fault because of falling out but june 25, 2009 is a day i will never forget and it's now 2011 and it still hurt so bad.

yakita

Preston

It's been 5 years since I lost my little angel but I feel like it just happened yesterday. On September 14th, 2006 I lost my baby within the 24th week of my pregnancy. I feel so cheated. I keep trying to picture what he would've looked like, what his little voice would sound like. I'm usually able to cope with the pain of losing him and even though I now have a 2 and a half year old son somehow this year the anniversary of his passing seems to be taking over me. I feel so depressed and filled with extreme sadness. I hope one day the pain will get easier to bear.

kimmeyk

Heartbroken

I am 29 years old and I have just lost what would have been my third child. I was 7 weeks pregnant and very excited that we would having #3. I told everyone from my family members to the cashier at the grocery store. In my family it is considered bad luck to announce your pregnacy before 12 weeks , but with 2 healthy full term pregancies behind me I did not think much of it. On Tuesday I was at the office and began to feel very weird, I didnt feel like I had before with my other 2 children and I began to have sharp pains in my side. I went downstairs to the bathroom and when I wiped I had a brown discharge. I knew this could not be good and I right away called my husband and insisted he meet me the hospital. Because I was not bleeding uncontrollably the doctors made me wait. I sat in that emergency room hallway in pain for hours and so scared. I knew something was not right. They finally came over to see me as I was hystericaly crying and told me this was nature and not to be upset. I could not believe the words that were coming from a person that was supposed to care for others. They took me for a ultrasound where they said they had not been able to see the baby and although I may think I am 7 weeks I could have miscalculated,because at 7 weeks they should be able to see something. They sent me home and told me to go see my OB GYN in 2 days to repeat my blood test to see if my BETA Quant doubled. I returned home. Only a few hours later I awoke with the urge to pee, I went into the bathroom to discover I was gushing blood. I woke my husband and we went back to the hospital, this time a different one. The entire time we were on our way to the hospital I was experiencing contractions and the need to push. I thought if I crossed my legs the baby would just stay there. By the time we had gotten to the hospital I had gone through 6 pads and could not even stand up without help. The dotors immediatley took me for a ultra sound after adminstering medication for the pain. I kept crying and telling myself there is no way the baby was okay with all this blood. After a hour or so the docotors came back with the news that I lost my baby. These words are words I will hear forever, I feel so empty and lost and I dont know what to tell my other 2 children I just keep hoping they do not ask. My husband is trying his hardest to be here and help but I can see he is hurting too. We have been trying for a while and now I am so scared to even think about another baby after this. I am not sure my heart can take this loss again. Many people can not understand what a woman goes through when they a loose a child. All I can say is that baby 4 weeks or 40 weeks was my child and a part of me and now that it is gone I feel a piece of me has gone with it. I will try to be strong but a loss is a loss big or small and I will cry for my child untill I feel my grieving is done. RIP my Angel in Heaven , I may not ever get to hold you or ever feel you kick but for this short time you were a part of me and I will love you always.

desiree

my miscarriage

im 19 and never intended on getting pregnant. i fell for a guy i knew i shouldnt of and when things escalated and turned physical, i became pregnant. i knew from the minute we had sex that i was. i just had this weird feeling in my stomach that something wasnt right. i waited for my period which was supposed to come 4 weeks after, and when it didnt come, i knew i was. i started craving chocolate shakes all the time. at least having to have 2 a day. the minute i missed my period the next day i took a test and within seconds it came back positive. the father knew i missed my period and when i told him i was pregnant we both cried. from that moment on, we fought none stop. he kept telling me i couldnt have the baby and that it wasnt the right time. but i am against abortion and i blamed myself for getting pregnant because i wasnt being careful. within 2 days of us arguing and screaming at eachother i started to notice a brownish discharge and experienced severe cramps . i contacted my doctor and made and appintment for a blood test. the next morning i woke up and had severe severe pressure in my abdoman and started bleeding heavily. i was admitted to the hospital where i was then notified that i did in fact miscarry at 5 weeks. the father was not there at the hospital with me but was calling and texting me the whole time to make sure i was okay. after the miscarriage, our relationship started to distance where he barely talked to me, and we would end up arguing. it has been 6 months since i lost the baby and i do nothing but blame myself everyday. i always think back and wonder why i told him. if i had not told him and didnt put my body under that much stress i believe i would still be pregnant. The doctor told me that the amount of stress i was under could have caused the miscarriage but due to being early they do not have a definite answer. i blame myself everyday for losing the baby. wishing there was a way to go back in time and change everything. i have no hard feelings towards the father, i just wish that he was alittle more supportive and accepting to the fact that i was pregnant with his child and that this is effecting me. with not talking to him it is making it alittle easier because hearing his voice would make me cry and seeing pictures of him or seeing him would hurt even more. i was afraid to engage in sexual intercourse for a long time and always ended up breaking down and getting emotional and having to stop immediately. i guess what i wanted to get out of this was share my story and be able to relate to other woman who went through the same thing i did. thank you.

chrysandra

The baby I always wanted

Hello, my name is Sophie.
I was 15 years old and I had the love of my life, well I thought he was and I still believe he is.
I had always wanted a baby at the age of 16, but my boyfriend wanted a career first and all that. But I didn't, my dream that I had wanted for years was to be a Mum at 16, before I got a job, before anything, I knew I would find a way to support the baby and I. I knew I could, and my Mum believed it too.
I warned my Mum through out the whole relationship with my boyfriend that I wanted a baby, so she wasn't to shocked when I became pregnant.
My boyfriend and I had been having sex for months without protection because the first time we did, he didn't use anything and I didn't get pregnant so we thought something was wrong with the one of us, so we kept going at it.
It took five months for it to finally happen and in that five months I would keep track of my period and just hope I would get pregnant, but it just wasn't happening, so I gave up on keeping track of it and it came to the time of the month where I was due for my period. I hadn't got it yet and started to get a little excited, so after School I went to the shops with a few friends and brought a pregnancy test, it was positive, I was so happy, but scared, and I couldn't believe it actually happened, I brought another two to make sure, but yet again they were positive :D
I got home later on and told my Mum I had not had my period and thought I was pregnant so she would buy me a pregnancy test, which she did. It was positive and she was a bit shocked, but didn't question it. She booked a Doctors appointment for later on that week.
That night I called my boyfriend and told him, he said "Oh no, what have I done. Your joking, right!?"
I said no, and he couldn't believe it happened. He knew he would get into SO much trouble by his whole family. He ended up telling them that night, they didn't believe him, they told him I was faking it, I was lying, I just wanted to use that as an excuse to keep him. It hurt me so much to have them saying that about me, I was stressing so much. They didn't allow us to see each other anymore, not once. I only saw him twice during my pregnancy but both those times I kept forgetting to take the pregnancy tests to prove to him I wasn't lying.
It was the first day of holidays. I was at home, sick, I ate something and it gave me the most worst stomach ache and I couldn't leave the house. I was home alone and I was talking to one of my friends who has had a baby and she was saying how she ate anything and drank anything and she said I had nothing to worry about, I wouldn't have a miscarraige. I told her I needed to go to the toilet and when I did, I found blood, only a little, but enough that made me worry and start crying. I called my Mum up and lucky we could get to the hospital fast because she works there as a Nurse.
I had a lot of blood tests, needles, and 5 Ultraounds in one day, but they found nothing. I called my boyfriend up telling him they think it is a miscarraige, he didn't seem to upset, and not that shocked, but I was trying my best to hold my tears back.
I was at the hospital for three days and they finally gave me an answer, it was a miscarriage, I bursted out in tears infront of everyone, that baby meant EVERYTHING to me, no one understood how much I wanted it, and till this day I still cry and it's been almost five months. We had names for the baby, we were so prepared, my Mum and Sister were so excited, but it was I who was the happiest, I was the most happiest girl on earth, but then I lost the baby. It was the hardest most sadest day of my life.

Three months after the miscarriage, my boyfriend and I were still not allowed to see each other, his parents still did not allow it, and having that miscarriage made them believe I had faked it even more, they ended up putting that in my boyfriends head too, so he even thought his own child did not ever excist.
He ended up breaking up with me almost two months ago for a girl who moved to his School. We were together for 1 year and 1/2 months, we had been through so much and he did not care one bit how much pain he had put me through and is still putting me through. I asked him the other night if he really thought I faked the pregnancy, he said yes, and that broke my heart, I couldn't believe he said it. But I was alright, I knew the truth, I knew I had been pregnant.

Oh and I forgot, since I kept track of my period and when I had sex with my boyfriend, I figured out I was 6-7 weeks pregnant.
I just don't understand why it happened to me, I wanted the baby so much, I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, it isn't fair. I have watched a few other girls through out their pregnancy and they do smoke, drink and take drugs and they still do have their baby, it isn't fair.
I am still hoping to get pregnant this year, I want to be a Mum so badly and I know it will be hard, I understand that. But it is my dream and I shoulnd't have to stop it from happening.

Sophie