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Dylan

I had 8 months of my pregnancy left when I found out that my sons heart had stopped beating, it was a massive shock as only 1 week earlier I had had an ultra sound to make sure everything was okay. it was a week after my 19th birthday when I gave birth to him, it was the most awful and heart breaking thing to happen I didn't know anything about child birth so the whole situation was new for me and very scary. What hurt the most was that hundreds of other mothers left the hospital with there babies and I didn't , i had to say goodbye to my son after carrying him almost 9 months, I think about it every single day and I am scared to try again. My partner was very supportive the whole time and that helped, but we had bought so many things for our baby and made so many sacrifices that we are still getting our lives back on track 9 months later. I feel terrible for anyone who has to go through this and I hope one day I'll have another baby.

claire

My Little Angel Love

This is my story of my little girl March11,2008 i found out i was pregnat. i was shock scared becouse im 22 yrs old still live with my parents. they were not happy. i told the babydaddy he said oh really im going to the club. so about parents they whanted me to get a abortion and i said no so my dad said i have about 3months to stay in the house. so i was stress i had to do everything on my own know that the baby daddy is not there. May 21,2008 i felt a small cramp i didnt think much of it so i was starting to stay calm praying to God to help me one of my manager said to me start to think God for what you do have. that is what i did the next day the cramps was hurting bad still calm and i knew i had to go to the prnatal check up. i called the doctor to tell her what is going on i did not here from her. May23,2008 it was extream during the pregnacy i never got sick i did not throw up but on Friday the cramps was off and on. went to the doctor for the apointment she told me when i am 16weeks the uters streches. did not think much of it untill 1200am the cramps where so bad i had to call the doctor this is after i song to my baby prayed for my baby. i felt alot of discharge come out of me then i blood alot that is when i knew i was getting a miscarrige. went to the Hospital and the doctor said i was getting a misscarige i pledded with God save my baby scriptures came to my head. as they stroll me down the hall i saw my baby for the last time she was still alive the fluid was running out i told the doctor is there anything you can do May 24,2008 At 758pm Angel Love went with the Lord she was 16weeks And 6 Days Mommy loves u Angel Love.

Sharon Knowles

The Baby I Never Knew

well my name is ashanta and i am 27 years old.I have 3 beautiful kids ages 11,6,and 4 and i love them alot so when i found out i was pregnant with number four i was very excited.Not too long after my excitement came the feeling of confusion i did not know if i should keep my baby or not,eventually i decided to keep it.A week later i decided to tell my baby father he immediately told me to get an abortion but i did not. A couple days later i went to a baby shower and my baby father got mad and said he hopes i have a miscarriage well it was almost as if he jinxed me because 2 or 3 days later i started bleeding i went to the hospital and they didnt know what was wrong.Some days later i was in the shower and i saw pink blood go down the drain i immediately knew it was my baby,the next day when i went to the doctor's office they told me i lost my baby i was so hurt.I was only seven weeks pregnant and i never got to meet my baby.For all the woman going through the same thing just remember to keep your head up and everything will be alright.

Ashanta

angel baby

My husband and i were pregnant with our 4th child. We have 3 girls ages 7, 3, and 13 months. After much consideration we decided we would have one more baby and complete our much wanted large family. My OB scheduled me for an u/s at 10 weeks just to date the pregnancy. She said I felt large for my dates. I was sure of my dates so my husband and I entertained the idea of twins in the week to pass. When I went for the scan she said everything was normal except there was some "nuchal thickening" but not to worry. The baby's heart beat was strong at 157 beats/min. She said we would check again in 2 weeks and if it was still there then we would see a high risk OB to rule out Down's or other anomoly. That night a cried until I couldn't cry anymore and I prayed for strength to carry on as normal over the next 2 weeks. I think deep down I knew something was wrong but I still hoped for the best. Finally, after a long 2 weeks, we went for the follow up scan. My husband came with me this time. Now 12 weeks pregnant, the baby was very formed and looked so perfect. Then I noticed the nuchal trasnslucency (the build up of fluid behind the baby's neck). It was very large and from 2 weeks of researching on the net I knew it wasn't good. Next the tech assessed the fetal heart tones and then I heard it. It was a very slow heart beat. The baby's heartrate was only 55. We were then told that we would have to see the high risk ob that day. We had a CVS and were told to not expect a heartbeat when I came back in 10 days. I think my mind had already been preparing for the news. The baby made it another 2 weeks, then at 14 weeks I checked for a heart beat at work with our doppler (I am an RN), and I could not find the slow heartbeat I heard nights before. I knew the baby had passed. An ultrasound the next day confirmed my findings and I had a D&C the following day. I think knowing that it was going to happen helped me prepare for when it did but it also made it harder. I had started to pray for God to take the baby so that we wouldn't go late in the pregnancy and have a stillbirth. My CVS came back normal so they said it was most likely a heart defect but I will never know. I didn't want to know the sex of the baby. WE originally wanted a boy so bad but that seemed so trivial now. Boy or Girl I love my Angel Baby and will always have a special place in my heart.

Melissa M.

Torn Apart

I'll start by saying that I hope my story is 1 of a kind. I do not encourage of discourage anyone in doing what I did. We're the ones who get to decide.

I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter born May 2005. I had a miscarriage before her at about 5 weeks, due to severe work stress I assumed. She was conceived about a month after and the pregnancy was very healthy for the most part, with me checking for blood every single chance I got. I might have been more concerned if I had known all that I do now.

I had a chemical pregnancy in January 2008 and again in February 2008. I figured they didn't count as much as they didn't last beyond the time my monthly was due, (it came on time both times and all symptoms disapeared) so we just kept at it.

With my next pregnancy I started spotting brown at about 6 weeks but it was so light I only knew because I was checking. I had most symptoms except real morning sickness which I found odd as there were 3 other pregnant woman where I worked (small company) and they were all sick not to mention I was very sick with my daughter and it was just starting with the pregnancy before her.

I went in for an early ultrasound at 8 weeks and the baby didn't look the way I expected, no little arms or legs it looked like a tiny worm. 6 days later the doctor's office called me to tell me that the baby was only measuring 6w1d and I knew that wasn't right even though no one believed me. My cycle alternates 24 and 25 days no matter what. Miscarriages or not. They set up a follow-up ultrasound for a WEEK later (I don't know why they bother) but at work the next day I started bleeding very heavily and passed a large sac and clots a few hours after.

I was very upset but consoled by others who reported having healthy pregnancies immediately after their miscarriage, so of course after reading exactly what I wanted to hear at the time we went at it again. I should also add that I had a bad feelling about that pregnancy and so wasn't surprised by the loss.

So of course since I appear to have no trouble getting pregnant, I was pregnant again. Everything seemed to be going great, I had every text book symptom from the very start. I even told my boyfriend that if I lost this one I'd be shocked and I don't think I could take it, just because everything seemed to be going well. I chose not to go see a doctor, because for all the help I got from my doctors and even at the hospital, it was definately not worth the time.

Of course I started spotting brown again just after 6 weeks. I then went to a different doctor who said I could have a bladder infection and that would cause spotting. It turned out I did have a bladder infection, but 3 days later I started bleeding a bit more (7 weeks) and the next day I was bleeding so much and passing small clots with ridiculous cramping. Even though that happened I still felt there was something just inside left to come out, but it didn't, and when I told my doctor he didn't seem to believe me of course. Luckily later that day the sac finally came out and the bleeding slowed.

As I said I would be, I was and unfortunately am still having an extremely hard time dealing with this loss. It didn't help at all to be around the 3 other women at work who started their journey in January with me because they are all still pregnant, so I had to leave my job. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm so deeply saddened words can't begin to explain and no one seems to notice or understand what I'm feeling.

At the last visit I hard with the doctor, I asked him for anti-depressants and birth control, he said no to both as he said further testing needed to be done. Tests he never performed or mentioned again including the referal I was supposed to get to see a obgyn. He also explained away any causes I suggested saying that "all women's bodies no matter what" do this and that... Nonsense.

After that we decided tio wait a while before tyring again. My boyfriend and I thought we would be ok unprotected 1 time while I was still having light spotting, well you know how that went and here we go again. This time I'm not attached though as I am still heavily mourning the loss of my last little one. At 4 weeks today, even though everything "seems" to be ok, I'm just waiting and dreading the physical pain of the miscarriage I believe is no doubt going to happen.

I hope that some day we will get it right, but there is so much emotional healing to be done.

Thank you for sharing your stories,
Lolita

Lolita