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Baby lost

You were the mornings when I woke,
The darkness when I turned out the light.

You were the lightness in my step,
The twinkling in my eye.

You were the beating of my heart,
Aliveness drumming through my body.

You were the smile on my warm lips,
My hopes, shining like stars.

You were my dreams come to life,
My fears turned to reality.

You are the tears in my eyes,
I feel empty without you.

You are my broken heart,
Which beats out of rhythm.

I loved you then, as much as I love you now,
Till we meet again, forever mum.

23 March 2009

Claire

number 4

My name is Jules, I am 24 years old. I have been with my husband for over 5 years, but married two. Ever since we knew we were meant to be we have always discussed kids. That is what i wanted more than anything to be a mom. Before we got married i was late on my period, so i took a test and it was positive. So i went to the doctor, and they took blood tests, the next day i started my period, and the doctor called and informed me that i was only a couple weeks along. not thinking much of this i knew it was for the best and focused on our upcoming wedding. A month after we got married i was pregnant again, but at 7 weeks i woke up and had severe cramping and bleeding, i knew then that i had miscarried. About 6 months later we tried again, and got pregnant, this time i wasn't very positive because of the last outcomes. So my doctor did an early sonogram and there was no heartbeat. So at 8 weeks I went through a D & C.(not pleasant I might add.) Now with no hope I knew it would be awhile before we could try again. Six months after that was new years and i had vowed to quit all my vices,(drinking and eating healthier) so that when we did want to try again my body would be ready. I lost 16 pounds and was feeling great, then my boobs started hurting and i knew instantly that i was pregnant again. This time it felt right, I was going to be due in October (the month i meet my husband and when we got married) so i knew it was meant to be. At the first doc. appointment he did an early sonogram, and to my amasment THERE WAS A HEARTBEAT, and it was beating strong. So a month later i was 11 weeks we had our next app. Feeling as everything was great i was excitied for my husband to see and feel the joy of creating another life and it beating inside of me. But our biggest fears came true. Not only was there no heartbeat the fetus was the size of 6 weeks. I was in shock, how could this be happening for the 4th time? So i underwent another D&C so they could test the tissue. And now i wait, not only am i deeply saddend by this tragedy, I have no hope for the future. Even if i get pregnant again if i have another loss, i won't be able to handle it, i still dont see myself getting through this one. People try to understand but it is hard for them to feel the pain of something dying inside you, it is the worst feeling i have ever had and i dont wish this pain on anyone. I just wish that everyone who has been blessed with a child knows how lucky they are, and that there are women that would love to be in your shoes, so please take great care of them.

Jules

only god....

this is my story on how i loss my first child..... we found out that we was have our first child . you think thats a joy right.. everthing was good great i was getting big and the baby started to maked.. it was the life i always want it.. we had our own place , we was high school sweet hearts.. then we got the news when i was 6 months that our little girl had O.N.T(OPEN TUBE DIF..) we didnt know what that was tell i looked it up online and read about.. my heart fall.. i tryed to go full trem but i got realy sick.. and the doctor told me that i had to give our child up..so on january 31,08 i with in and to give birth on feb1 to a beauitful little girl.. her dad named her Laila Ar'ie'-Renne Matin she fight for two hours and when home to be with god at 9:20 am.. we miss her very much.. but a year later we find out we have another baby.. god has bless us..

Jules

story of my loss

Me and my husband have been TTC for five and a half years. In July 2008 I finally became pregnant. I scheduled an appointment with an OBGYN around the middle of August for my first appointment. We were so excited because we have been wanting a child for so long. When I went for my appointment, the doctor examined me and said that I had a little brown discharge. She wanted me to schedule a u/s to make sure everything was ok. She said since it was not red blood that it might have been normal. I was six weeks pregnant. The earliest appointment I was able to get was four days later. The day that I was supposed to get my u/s, I woke up early that morning from severe pain in my lower abdomen. I ran to the bathroom and I was bleeding pretty heavy. I rushed to the hospital, my mother-in-law drove me because I was too upset, where my husband works. Before I was finished admitting myself he was already there to be with me. They brought me to a room where they took urine, blood and the doctor examined me. When the doctor examined me he said that my cervix was larger than it should be for only being six weeks pregnant and that my cervix was closed. The sent me for a u/s, which I had to wait for three hours. That was the longest three hours I have ever experienced. First they did an abdominal scan and then a vaginal scan, in which they said they did not see anything not even a baby. The doctor then told me that I might not be as pregnant as I thought I was and I was only threatening a miscarriage. They gave me a shot, because I’m rah negative and sent me home. About four hours later I passed my baby. I was so upset because the hospital gave me hope that everything might be ok. So I went back to the hospital. They didn’t even examine me, they just said "Sorry for yall loss here is a prescription for pain." They sent me home and told me to come back if I had a lot of bleeding. It has been seven months since my miscarriage and I still get upset. I also still have pains in my left side that I have been having ever since the miscarriage. I have been TTC ever since the miscarriage, but no luck yet. Sorry for everyone’s loss!

Heather

a sad loss of baby number three

Hi my name is samantha and i am from canada and this is my story about how i loss my beautfull baby number three.me and my husband had been trying for a year and let me tell you a year was long time for me simply because i had 2 preveouse pregnancys with no problems getting pregnant .. this one seemed to be diffeant i found out i was pregnant in november 2008 and told my best friend and my husband we were all so excited i went shopping with my friend and saw my other friend we had always said wouldnt it be great if we got pregnant together .. i told her i was pregnant and she told em she was too so i asked her when are you due and she said july 31 of 2009 i said this is awsome i am due july 27 we were due 4 days apart we were so excited we cried and laughed we just shared a increadable bond.. after that day i started to worry it was like something inside said something is gonna happen to my baby and i just couldnt shake it off i told my mother in law and she said stop worrying i just couldnt i told her every day i need to make it to 3 months everyone thought i was nuts this time was differant because usually i feel the ball in the middle of my tummy and i didnt so as christmas appaered everyone in my familly was getting excited they all said wow you are starting to grow maybe you are havng twins because we have alot of twins in my familly i said as long as he or she is healthy i dont care i just want my baby in my arms.. i started having mucus come out with little bits of blood i ditn think anything of it because it was not alot.. sunday morning comes december 28 2008 i woke my hubby up at 6 am and said i need the hospital im bleeding .. we dropped are other two off at his parents and we went to the hospital i think at the time i was thinking well its nothing im sure im fine .. i went to the room and the doctor came in he told me not to worry because he thought what was going on was the placneta was on the bottom and i would need to take it easy . he asked me how far along i was i told him 10 weeks . so he examined me he told me that where the baby was it was bleeding and i needed a ultra scan i freaked out i coulndt believe this was happening so i went on that i saw the baby and i smiled at the baby he or she was so tiny. . i went back the the out patients and waited and waited 3 hours i had no pain and wasnt bleeding i thoght it was good news till i saw a weird doctor rush from outside and go to the outpatients.. they called me in and he was rambling on and on and finally said you know this is bad right and i said no no no what he tolf me that my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks and it had died 4 weeks ago i strated crying so bad i thought i was gonna die.. he told em to get a D AND C done and i really was devastated.. afted it was done i went home feeeling alone sad mad at everyone and everthing,,, 3 days later new years eve i needed to go back i had infectinons from the dead baby that they took out i spent 2 days in there i was really so sad and upset i wanted to go home..that night they let me out, 11 pm at night i started bleeding to death and i went back again they hadnt gotttne all the stuff out of me so they had to remove the clumps... this experience has left me feeling alone and mad i cry everyday i dont want to be around other pregenant moms or babyes im so upset about this the doctor said they would monitor me when i get pregnant again and that my first ultrasound would be when im 5 weeks i hope next time that my baby is okay and he or she will survive i know these things happen but i really never want this to happen to em ever again... i decided that i wouldname my un born baby cloey elizabeth leblanc and i have a stone in the grave yard with her there and when i go to heaven i will see my beatufull baby girl and hold her and kiss her and tell her i love her so much.. cloey mommy loves you and when its my time baby mommy will come to see you i kow you will be watching over me your dad and your beautifull sisters lerissa and arabella. your mommmys special angel i love you xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox R.I.P beautfull girl ....... gods grace and presence will keep you safe....

samanha leblanc