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My Angel

My BF and I had been trying for 5 months. Not as long as many couples, but it seemed like forever to us. Finally, on Dec 24, 2009, I found out I was pregnant. It was to be the first child for both of us.

I think my BF was even more excited that I was. He was so protective and loving, would hold my hand when we were walking on uneven ground so I wouldn´t fall. He was always trying to make me eat right even when I was nauseous. He wouldn´t even let me wash the dishes. He was so loving and so excited about this baby and we thought we had been blessed with the best Christmas gift ever.

Then I suddenly had an abrupt end to the pregnancy symptoms. I was suddenly no longer nauseous, no longer had a headache, smells were no longer bothering me, etc. I didn´t think much of it and at first I was relieved because I wasn´t feeling so miserable. But later that night I started spotting brown blood, which turned into heavy, bright red bleeding. That was on New Year´s Eve. It was the worst day of my life, I can only compare it to when my best friend died in a car accident at the age of 15.

We decided to name our baby. Every baby deserves a name, even those that don´t make it to term. Plus, it shows that we lost a child. Not just a fetus, but a child. Since we didn´t know the gender, we decided on a unisex name. It took us about 3 weeks to decide. The baby´s name is Paris Emerson Lee.

My BF picked Paris, from Homer´s Iliad. I chose Lee, my mother´s middle name. Together we chose Emerson, in honor of Ralph Waldo Emerson, a free thinker and trailblazer in his own right.

Allison Marie

My Little 'Baby B'

"Your'e going to be a Dad". The words that Ive always dreamed of.

I was out working when my partner called me telling me the fantastic news we had both been waiting for. From that moment- my whole life had changed, we were planning to do so much. The pregnancy seemed fine, everything as normal as could be.But a week before our first scan when my partner was out shopping with her dad, she went to the toilet and noticed a small portion of blood. She called me and said that she was going to see a doctor. I rushed to her as fast as I could. When I arrived she had been told to go straight to hospital. My heart was now in my throat! We went straight there and after hours of waiting and tests they eventualy told us just to go home and relax. It was nothing to worry about and was quite common.

Feeling relieved, we went home, had dinner and went to sleep. At about 2.30 am I woke up to a howeling. Half asleep- I thought it was the dogs downstairs. Then I realised it was Caz shouting in pain. I instantly knew what was happening, but refusing to give up, I helped her put some clothes on and picked her up. I put her in the car and zoomed to the hospital. We arrived at the maternity ward and they began to do tests. Just as they were about to do a 'ladies' test they saw how soaked in blood her bottoms were. She was cleaned up and given pain killers. She began to calm down and they booked us to have an emergancy ultrascan. We were only waiting about 30 mins before we went in, but it felt like 3 months. I couldnt bare to look at the screen, but I couldnt help notice the nurse's expressions. She paused and said "I will be back moment." When she returned, there walked in a second nurse. My heart was pounding so hard. Only a few moments later she said those spine chilling words .......... "Im so sorry but i cant find a heartbeat. Your baby was about 8 weeks old."

Hearing that sentence made me forget the reason of living, but I had to be strong for Caz. Its been just under a year now and we our expecting again. We are both petrefied that we will go through it all over again, but we are trying to think on the positive side and not getting too excited. I have read some realy positive things on the internet about this- so were keeping our fingers crossed.

I know it is unusual to hear all this from a guy, but we have feelings too and need to share them.
You have no idea how much it has helped talking about this outside of my relationship, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read my story.

To all those who have suffered a tragedy like ours- dont give up, your time will come. Some take longer than others, but there is always that chance.

jay

Second but First

My first time i went through a miscarriage i didn't even know i was pregnant. I went to the walk in clinic with my boyfriend and the doctor told me congratulations you are pregnant.... I had horrible cramps and bleeding at the time.. He then recommended i go to the emergency.. I waited for 4 hours with excruciating cramps then finally they took me in just to lay me there for another 5 hours until i completely passed my baby. The second time i found out in my 3rd week that i was pregnant with my same bf baby, he is the love of my life. we were so cautious but it still ended in disaster in September 2009 i had a miscarriage, i went to the hosipital with horrible cramps and bleeding, the ER doc told me that it was just a matter of time and admitted me to a maternity ward. There i waited for 6 hours until i delivered my unborn child. I was 3 months pregnant. there was so much blood I was so devastated. I passed out because of the blood loss. After which the hospital tried to get ahold of my doctor considering this was a small hpotial and to get me a blood transfusion. It was too late my doctor had to remove the object that was making me bleed so much without anesthetic and it was extremely painful, i had a D&C with cutting without anything. After which I stop bleeding so much. The next day they sent me home with only the flower my mother gave to me. I was horribly depressed and I still am..

Vanessa

17 weeks 3 days preg. loss

I already had 3 girls and wanted a boy so bad and had never had complications during my pregnancies...well I was severely sick throughout this pregnancy I couldnt keep ANYTHING down!!! I was hospitalized in Aug. 09 for severe dehydration and given fluid and sent home with naseau medication that when i got home was still to sick to keep a pill down...each day continued to be the same as far as being sooo sick..I did finally feel my baby move about 2 weeks before the worst day of my life. On Sept. 17 2009 I went to my dr. bc I lost fluid and blood. The ultrasound confirmed that my baby was gone so I had to go deliver at the hospital and it took 12 hours but I had my baby and it was a little boy and he looked perfect except his insides never went in and his weight was so small considering I was almost 18 weeks...he was only 3.8 ounces and 9 inches long. My heart is broken and I cannot get over it...It has only been 4 months today since I lost him. It is soooo hard but I do believe God does everything for a reason. We named our son Dawson Christopher and he will be missed so much! Mommy and Daddy love you Dawson , ALWAYS! IN MEMORY OF DAWSON CHRISTOPHER SEPT. 17 2009

Shana

TTC for 2yrs then miscarriage at 6wks

I am truly thankful to the ladies who wrote there stories here. Thank you so much! I hope that my story helps someone as much as your stories helped me.

Where to begin... Well, I grew up in a wonderful Christian home, where I was taught right from wrong. Early on I decided to wait on having sex until I was married (don't know if it was my "good" Christian values, or the fact that I was scared to death of getting pregnant and my mom finding out). I was 20 when I met my now husband, and I was able to give him my wonderful gift (my purity/innocence). As I had grown up I was always told that sex leads to pregnancy and that in order to not have a baby, don't have sex. So I was under the impression that getting pregnant was easy. I saw girls at school walking around pregnant, and the ones that weren't must have not been having sex or they were on the pill or using some kind of protection... This being my thinking, it shocked me when it took several months of trying and not getting pregnant, before going to the Dr. asking him all kinds of questions. I seemed to be healthy, so he ran a bunch of blood tests just to make sure, and then he put me on Clomid and we even had my husband tested. We tried everything, ovulation test sticks, FertiliTea, BBT tracking, cervical fluid tracking, we bought books/software, fertility monitors, just about anything you can imagine, I (we) tried. Finally, we took a month off of everything in November, of course I still knew what my peak days should be, but I didn't go running all over the house screaming "I have egg whites, and my monitor shows I am at peak ovulation" :) Of course this was the month we got pregnant. We were so excited! I took the test a couple of days after I missed what would have been my period. I was able to tell my husband 2 days after his birthday that he would be a daddy, he told me that had been his birthday wish! After several minutes of screaming and crying, we decided to wait until Christmas to tell our families. It would be a nice addition to the Christmas gifts we had bought them. But just 10 days after telling my husband we were pregnant, we ended up in the hospital. I had started bleeding… we checked into the ER at around 10:30 p.m. on the Saturday before Christmas, they ran test and did ultrasounds, before admitting me to the pediatric floor...they believed I had an ectopic pregnancy, so they wanted to monitor me, we finally called our parents/grandparents around 3 a.m. and told them what had happened. We have a wonderful family, so yeah, they all showed up within minutes. When the doctor came though on Sunday morning he assured us it was not an ectopic pregnancy, and that it was a miscarriage that was going to pass on its own. I was a wreck; we had tried so long and look where it got us. I remember Christmas, but it was like an out of body experience, I was watching myself do everything…I wasn’t the one doing it.
It has taken me till now to realize that WE will be okay, and that God has a plan and a reason for everything. I just have to remind myself that God is taking care of him or her, and that God will bless us with another baby.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…” Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Brandi