Post your Story

Loss

I am 23 years old and found out that I was pregnant with my second child, my first being 15 months. I was excited and pulled out all of my maternity clothes from my first pregnancy and hung them up. My mother bought my son a shirt that said "I am going to be a big brother." I did have thoughts about how hard it will be with two children and the stress of trying to work full time. I wanted this child but I wondered if we had been more careful and waited if it would have been better. I guess it is hard for me to do but I will be honest.

When I was 18 long before I met my husband I was in a terrible relationship with a man that was very abusive. He forced himself on me and I ended up pregnant, pregnant and in a terrible place. I decided neither one of up had business being a parent. I wanted no child of mine in this man's life. I had a abortion (the hardest decision I have ever made.) I then left this man and met my husband, married and had a beautiful baby boy.

I found my self feeling like this was God's way of getting me back, like I deserved this in a way for terminating my first pregnancy. I guess I still feel that way to a certain extent. I began to find things that I did wrong like drank too much pop or had a bad diet but I know that there is nothing I could have done to deserve this pain. It has been over a month since I lost my baby at 6 weeks of pregnancy and I still cry. I wonder how could it hurt this much to loose something you never had.

It was the worse to pack up those maternity outfits and tell each person I had shared my good news with (which seemed like everyone) that there would not be another baby right now. Now everyone is asking me when we will be trying again but I am not sure if now is the right time. I feel like this just happened. Even if we started trying again would I tell everyone, probably not until after the first trimester.



Jennifer

So much sadness

I was surprised when I went to the doctor for some routine tests and they told me I was pregnant. I was in disbelief because I had had my period so I had a suspicion that I had lost the baby and thought it was a normal period. I had never missed my period so I wasn't very far along. I kept taking pregnancy tests everyday just to see if my levels would drop before my first doctor's appointment.

My boyfriend is in the army and he was away at training and I didn't want to tell him about the pregnancy over the phone. We were not trying and were using condoms all the time, but I must've gotten pregnant from the precum/ foreplay before putting one on. I tried in the past and never got pregnant so I didn't think I really could. Well, then my mom calls me and tells me her brother/ my uncle passed away.

I told her I was pregnant. Then I took another test for that day and it was negative. Then took one more and it was negative. I knew what had happened then. I had a miscarriage and the tests at the doctor's office were showing positive because I had just had a miscarriage. I was so upset. I called my mom and told her. I was driving to my parents and I was crying the whole way b/c of my uncle's passing and losing the baby. I never told my boyfriend. I had over a week to grieve and he didn't even know I was ever pregnant and I never would've known either had I not gone to the doctor for those other tests.

My mom told me to tell her what the follow up appointment showed. I told her that I lost the baby and they confirmed it and she was cold an callous to me. I was so upset. She told me to tell her and I thought it would bring us closer together. She's super christian and I guess b/c I am not married she felt like she didn't need to be supportive. I should've never told her. I feel horrible. I wish I hadn't told anyone really. I feel like there's no point in telling my boyfriend considering it's not here anymore. Reading these stories it makes me feel like I'm not alone anymore.

Thank you.

Shauna

Life After Death

I had my daughter in July of 2000. After a three year year relationship, I was surprised that it had taken so long to become pregnant. To my surprise after 7 years I became pregnant in Oct. 2006, unfortunately a week after seeing the heartbeat I noticed a small amount of blood on my underwear. Christmas Day, I left my aunt's and rushed to the hospital only to discover that the baby had no longer had a heartbeat. I was so shocked and in denial. I left and went to another hospital praying they were wrong. Sadly, the same reply. After a week of constant waiting I decided to get it over with a scheduled d&c, which I did Jan. 02, 2007.

I never thought I would be able to have babies again. Surprise, it is October 27, 2007 and I am 9 weeks pregnant. I saw the ultrasound and the heartbeat is perfect. The baby was bouncing around. I was so scared to see the ultrasound, but after the nurse informed me I was relieved to know that I got a second chance in life. I pray that I have a healthy baby. To all that have miscarried, don't lose faith. Things happen when you least expect it!

Lily

Lets be strong!

I am 22 years old. When I found out I was pregnant I was really surprised and I cried because I wasn't ready, but to see my boyfriend's happiness I got really happy and excited about the new member of the family.

I didn't have health insurance, so I applied for gov. help and the whole process delayed my first appointment to the Doctor. Before my first appointment at 13 weeks pregnant I started bleeding and in the ER they couldn't see the baby in the ultrasound, they said I could have an ectopic pregnancy or passed him/her already but didn't feel it. I said No, it can't be. Two days later the craps were killing me and started passing blood clots. This is the most difficult thing. As for now Doctors are still checking my blood HCG to make sure that is not a pregnancy outside the uterus. They think it was "just" an abnormal pregnancy.

The only thing I could tell other women going through this is that God is the only one who knows when it's time. Only we know how we feel, but we just have to be strong!

I know that is hard to get so excited and then all the sudden you find out something so sad, but our women strength will help us!

I have faith that everything will be ok. With me and I pray for all women going through this!


E.J

Twin Angels

My fiancé and I were both surprised to learn that we were pregnant. While we had not planned for it but we quickly became excited with the prospect of becoming a family. My mother had been waiting all her life to become a grandma and both of our families were ecstatic. I even waited to tell everyone until I was 12 weeks along as a precaution, as my mom had suffered miscarriages also.

At about 14 weeks I slipped and fell in the bathroom one night, nothing serious but I was worried and we went to the emergency room as a precaution. I had not had an ultrasound at that point, but that night I found out that I had two babies. We both began laughing when we found out, my laughs quickly turned to tears when I thought about becoming a mom for the first time to twins. Thank God my fiancé is such a great guy, he was very excited and quickly put me at ease. This explained why I had been putting on weight so steadily! That weekend we got a book on twins and my fear turned into excitement, what a blessing to have twins!

Two weeks later we had our first scheduled ultrasound with our OBGYN. It was amazing! To see those two little babies on the monitors, hearts beating away, it was truly amazing. One of the twins was sucking his thumb; it was a beautiful moment for us. We found out we were having twin boys, and we named them before we even made it home from the doctor. Twin A was William, and Twin B was Cameron. After that day what those babies were to me took on an entirely different meaning, they were my boys. I called everyone I knew to announce the two little boys.

The week directly following our ultrasound we even had a routine appointment, we heard their heartbeats and everything seemed to be moving along well. I was feeling great, and was even beginning to feel the babies move which was amazing.

Three weeks later we had follow up ultrasound. It was almost like I knew something was wrong, but I was sure I had felt the babies just the day before. We went in for the ultrasound and as soon as the photo came up I knew. I could see the baby but could not see the heartbeat. When I looked at the doctor I could see the horror on his face too. My fiancé asked if they were growing, he just shook his head and that is when he told us we had lost them both. I went into shock, I couldn't even cry for the first few minutes because I just couldn't believe this was happening. I remember going to the bathroom and feeling like I was about to pass out. Then they took us into another room to talk to our OBGYN. The nurse actually asked me "what happened" as I walked into the next room, I almost threw up, wouldn't I have liked to know?

This was my first pregnancy so I had no idea what was about to come. The doctor came in and explained that I would have to deliver the twins. As if it wasn't horrifying enough to have lost both the babies I would now have to deliver them. I chose to go home that night and set up a c-section appointment a day later.

That night my fiancé and I made the unbearable phone calls, and sent out mass e-mails. Of course the baby shower invites had gone out only a week earlier so just as guests were receiving invites when had horrible news. The next morning my mom flew in and we got ready for my surgery the next morning. It was almost cruel to have to look down at my belly and know there were two little boys in there that I loved so much, and that they would never make it into the world.

I had been doing ok until we got to the hospital. It was a nightmare to have to check in, and then be walked down the hallways of the "labor and delivery" wing of the hospital. A place where babies are born and happy families are made everyday. Though I was there for the saddest day of my life.

The nurses started flowing in and everyone kept telling me how sorry they were. They brought the ultrasound machine in again and I just started weeping, it felt like it just kept getting worse and it broke my heart even more to have to see my fiancé and mothers heart breaking as well. Soon thereafter they took me into the surgery room, I remember a nurse hugging me as I cried and they gave me the spinal injection. She asked me the boy's names and I told her, and she just hugged me tighter. I never got to say Thank you to her, but somehow her asking their names put me at ease that they would take care of them. They sedated me so by the time I had the spinal injection and laid down it was over. I woke up in the recovery room, and as sad as I was I was relieved the surgery was over.

This was all a little over a week ago. I am trying to stay strong and I believe in time, when it is right that I will have a happy healthy baby or babies. Some days are better than others, and I feel like sharing this story will hopefully help someone else to not feel so alone because at times I have.

It has helped me to keep in mind all the things I am grateful for. As much as it still hurts and I am still grieving everyday it helps me to think about the family and friends I have around me and how lucky I am to have them in my life. I am also a deeper more grounded person for having those two little boys in my life, even though it was just for a short while, they taught me what is really important in life.


Lynnette French