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So sad

We were so excited about having our third child that we told everyone at 6 weeks. We had always waited before, but we had never had any complications and we were both healthy with no risk factors. At 7 1/2 weeks we had our first physical and after the pap test I had a bit of cramping and spotting. I read that this is normal (at least the spotting) so I didn't think much of it. Two days later I had more bleeding and at 8 weeks, 1 day I was at the hospital and we saw our baby on the ultrasound. It had no heartbeat and had died at 7 weeks. We had known that miscarriage was a possibility, but we were not prepared for that result. While waiting in the emergency room to talk to the doctor about our ultrasound results, our baby passed from my body and I caught it. I wish now that I had opened the sac to see the actual baby, but at least I got to hold our child one time. It was heartbreaking and even though I am able to keep positive in my head, my soul aches at the loss of this baby. When the distractions are gone and I can contemplate what happened, I can barely catch my breath sometimes as I am so sad. I know our baby was only 2 months old, but we loved it so much already. We prayed for it and we talked to our other children about the baby all the time. I think that it will be hard to be truly joyful when we get pregnant next time as we will always be wondering if this will happen again. Every nurse I came into contact with at the hospital had had at least one miscarriage - some as many as 5 and it seems so wrong. How can it be so common? Anyway, I think it helps to share my story and while nothing can bring my baby back, my daughter's thoughts on the matter are such a comfort. She said that she thinks God is cuddling our baby up in heaven!

Dear my unborn child

I wrote this letter to my baby,
after i found out that I had the miscarriage...
It has alot of my beliefs in it so I hope no one takes offence,
It is my way of healing my mind.
Jan 30/08
I know I never met you, but you where a part of me,
I hope you know, that you will be missed by both your father and I,
I know this seems crazy, but this is the best way for me to deal with the passing of you,
I hope your spirit is at peace, I can't wait till I feel your spirit again,
I know you will be with us again soon,
I hope you are waiting for the perfect time, just like your brother did,
I hope you know I love you and I will be waiting for the day we meet again.
Love your mother.

Kirsten

I'm Scared...

I found this site today, trying to read advice on avoiding miscarriage, and have read some of the stories posted. Some are so very sad, little Destiny, and josiah...I want to cry.

I am pregnant for the fifth time, I had a baby girl when I was 16, another girl when I was 18, and I had a miscarriage with my third pregnancy when I was almost 20. I concieved with my third baby girl on the date of my baby that past away's due date, and it was so very hard. I am almost 22 and have 3 beautiful girls, and my soon to be husband (fall 2008) And I are pregnant.

I am so scared this time, because the miscarriage I had in May 2006, I was happy to be pregnant, and had a strong feeling that it was a boy, because I have always wanted a son, I was 12 1/2 weeks along and on my way out the door for dinner with my mother, when I decided to stop and use the washroom first, I discovered that I was spotting and was so scared! I went straight to the hosptial E.R and they got me in for an ultra-sound and because it was so late at night there were no certified persons around, they did a scan and said it looks like there is a heartbeat, but told me to come back the next morning when there was someone who was certified there.

We came back the next morning and they did an internal ultra sound with a certified person, and she said "thats where the heartbeat is supposed to be" and I said "but I dont see one?" and I remember like it was yesterday she said cold as ice "thats because there isnt one!" and it hurt so bad that it felt like she tore my heart out. I cried for so long, and was so hurt and sad.

They said to just go home and that the baby should pass on its own, the next day I started to bleed more and more, and by the next day was bleeding so bad that I passed out twice until my boyfriend at the time finally called 911. By the time they got me to the hospital the doctor said that if they wouldnt have gotten me there when they did I wouldnt have made it. They did a D&C that day, and the bleeding slowed, but the pain was still there. I was so devastated by losing the baby that I feel into depression and overloaded myself with work for months, one day in september my oldest daughter said to me "mommy you are never here!" so I quit, stayed home with my two girls at the time, and tried to heal and be the loving mother I felt like I lost when my baby died. I got back to normal and had a third baby girl in March 2007.

I am now pregnant again for the fifth time. I have such a bad feeling, I am so scared and so afraid that I may lose this baby too. I dont know what I would do, I want this baby so bad and have a feeling its the son that I have wanted all along. We are almost 6 weeks along, and have already bought one cute boy outfit and a blue bib that says "if you think I'm handsome you should see my Daddy". I'm longing for this baby so much, I want to hold it in my arms. I am terrified of losing it though because I know how awful it is to lose a child that you have names picked for, and clothes bought for, and the nusury set up...and all that...and the stories I have read about women losing the baby just before birth or shortly after, that would kill me, and us, so very much...

I want to know that everything is okay but unfortunately I cant see the future, I want to not be scared but I am so...I dont know what to do, I have been crying alot, my stomach hurts, and I have alot of back pain, and I have a negative feeling but I am not sure if its just because I am scared. Thanks for reading my story, every woman needs to know there is someone out there who will listen.

God Bless and Please Pray for Us...
Rachel

Rachel

loss of child before birth in my grandsons stepmot

I love my grandson and he just lost a sister that was never born alive. His father and stepmother were enjoying a seemingly normal pregnancy when one week before delivery, it was determined the baby had died.

My grandson lives with his mother and was going to be moving to live with his father and stepmother. He was so excited about the new baby who had already been named and at 10 was prepared to be the big brother. I feel so sad for all of them and wish I could take the pain away for them.

I am the fathers ex mother in law and have never met his wife but my grandson adores her so that makes her someone that I love too. How to I help him? I am as most people are when it comes to how to help him.

Loss affects many people, even ones you have not met.
I love them all.

Diane

rucurrent misscarriages too

I have had four miscarriages in three years, all ranging in ages from seven weeks right up to 14 and a half weeks. Each time I went in for a d & c and tested like you would not believe. I had numerous blood tests and in the end they even tested my husband but to no avail. We are both perfectly normal.

In the end, the doctors referred me to a blood doctor who wanted to put me on aspirin and clexain injections. I agreed at first, but then read about the side affects to both me and my baby so i decided to go and see an iridologist who has helped me a lot. She was able to tell me the reasons behind losing my babies, i had a kidney problem when i was young and my kidneys don't function how they should. I am on a course of detox to help my kidneys.

Just last week I learned that i am five weeks pregnant again and I am very scared about the outcome. I know i should be excited but at the moment i am just one scared 23 year old. My advice to anyone who has had recurrent miscarriages and the doctors put down to bad luck like mine, think alternative medicine. I was a bit unsure at first, but I have a good feeling about this baby, this one is meant to be.

The little girl I lost at 14 and a half weeks has been my hardest miscarriage to deal with out of all of them because I started bleeding at nine weeks, went to doctors for a scan and there was my baby, as happy as ever.

No one could explain the bleeding so i was told to go home and rest and everything would be okay. The next day i was back up at the hospital with more severe bleeding and another scan to show everything was okay. five weeks later i lost my little girl on fathers day of all days.

So for now i am just taking one day at a time and hopefully things will work out this time.

Diane