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I was 9 weeks

My boyfriend and I had just separated when I found out I was 5-6 weeks pregnant. I new at that moment having just turned 29 that I want nothing more than to be a mom and have this baby even though circumstances were not ideal. Ive felt so many feelings , nervous, lonely, scared, happy, content, joyful blissful hormonal crazyness! I called to tell my boyfriend the news he was supportive and excited and so we moved back in together and started planning for a baby, so in love! The scariest part about this for me is that we are living in a foreign country for work, both far away from our doctors and families and had changed 4 doctors, giving diff. advice, no pre natal. so i had to learn it all from friends and internet. which was just fine.I knew i was healthy eating right and then so is my baby. The fist five weeks of my pregnancy was very interuppted with personal anxiety, thoughts to get abortion all kinds of fear but when i saw my little fetus on the scan i was so happy i cried and would never do that. i know these thoughts of fear were not healthy for any of us.
Well, I finally calmed down and let every thought go that was not positive and happy for my new family. We planned to go to the best doctors and fly to singapore this coming week. But i lossed my baby on sunday 10-31-10 at home the most horrifying thing in my life. It was so painful physically emotionally and i feel so sorry for us as we were so excited and the past months its all i could think and talk about. Had it been my fault?. NO doctor had informed me not to have sex the first weeks in trimester, friday night we had sex saturday a deep-balinese tissue massage and a brownish bleeding started. then the blood came. my boyfriend rushed home from work took me to the e.r. and they showed me my baby(fetus) this time with no heartbeat and said i still had hope. But i knew it was not right..this was saturday night. On sunday morning everything came out on the bathroom floor. I am crying and crying.. we wanted this baby so dearly...my pregnancy journal ended shortly, with his support im getting thru this but no one can understand unless youve gone thru it.i I I am still bleeding tremendously with a lot of clotting. I am not sure how long it will take for my body to heal but will try for another blessing as my body recovers and we recover from this tragedy. I do blame myslef a little we blame ourselves for the rough irresponsible sex we had that may have caused this loss. Maybe someone has a similar experience or could learn from my tragic loss. must learn our lessons and move on. BUt something never in my life to forget. I wish you all who read this to be well and luck with future pregnancies. God Bless

Courtney

avery ana nicole

im sixteen, and mid august i found out i was pregnant. it was with my ex, lucas. and i had already moved on. i told lucas, and he said he was okay with it, thing is he had moved to a different state. so i then decided to tell my newer boyfriend, and told him since we were only two weeks into the relationship, that he could opt out of my pregnancy. he said no, and decided to stay. then lucas found out, and said f*** you and that baby, its not mine. then brody had wanted to take his place as the father. lucas got pissed. and they fought and fought, well eventually, lucas dropped out of both of our lives. and a few weeks ago when i was 10 weeks, i woke up with pains and blood everywhere. i didnt know what to do, so itexted both lucas and brody, and told them i had a miscariage. lucas said he was sorry, and that he wishes it w\didnt happen. all brody said was oh, because to him. it was OUR baby, HIs baby, with me. it may not have been his DNA, but it was his. i have been very depressed about it, brody wanted to try again, but i said i didnt know if i could take another miscariage. the doctors told me i will never carry a baby full-term.

lexi

Grief

well i am 17 years old and mid september i found out that i was pregnant. i was scared but excited. two nights ago i started bleeeding bad and had bad cramps so i went to the hospital where they told me i was having a miscarriage. the doctors did a d&c the next morning since they fetus was still inside of me. now i dont know how to feel. i'm confused and upset and feel so empty. all i have done is cry and cry. i have stopped eating and havent slept and i hate this. my boyfriend is not even really there for me since he has yet to have called me or answered my calls or text when i tried to tell him. i feel alone and scared and i just dont know how to deal with losing my baby. my mother doesnt understand she just says it is fine but she doesnt understand that no matter how far along i was, it was still my baby. how do i get through this?

lexi

Not Just Another Pregnant Teen

I got pregnant the first time my boyfriend and I slept together. I was 17 and he was 19. I remember the day we found out we were going to have a baby. I woke up feeling so sick. I touched my stomach; it was hard. Part of me just knew. We took the test and waited. It was positive. We just sat there in disbelief. There were so many questions. Could we take care of a baby? How are we going to tell our families? What about school? I cried, and he held me. He told me that whatever decision we came to, we would see it through together. Neither of us had to heart to even think about giving the baby up, whoever it was, it was ours.
Telling our parents wasn't easy. He has conservative Christian parents who absolutely flipped out. My mother was disappointed in us, but supported our decision to keep the baby. His parents came around, and all of us started to plan for the baby. My due date was March 1st, 2009. I could finish my first semester of college. My boyfriend and I were getting used to the idea of becoming parents.
When I was 11 weeks pregnant, I woke up with severe cramping in my stomach. I knew that something wasn't right. I threw back my covers and saw blood. I screamed, waking my mom. She ran into my room, saw me and told me that we were going to the doctor immediately. I got on the phone with my boyfriend. I was crying so hard that I could not get the words out. My mom took the phone, and I remember her telling him to meet us at the hospital, and that I had probably miscarried. The trip to the hospital seemed to take forever. All I could think about was if my baby was okay. Deep down, I knew that he/she wasn't okay. My boyfriend met us at the hospital, along with his parents. The doctor confirmed to him and I that I had indeed miscarried, and that these things happen. I think that to him, we were just another teenage couple. We cried. Our child was gone, and we never got to meet him/her.
I am now 20 years old and a full time college student. My boyfriend and I are still together. We saw everything through together. Recovering was very hard for both of us. Two months after I lost the baby, his sister found out that she was pregnant, and in July gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I would be lying if I said that I was resentful in the beginning. I would be lying if I had said that the thought "That should be me," didn't cross my mind. But when I met my nephew for the first time, all of those feelings disappeared. I love him as I would love my own son. I am confident that one day I will have children of my own. It just wasn't the right time.

lexi

Layla

I could not have asked for a better pregnancy - I've always been in good health - working out regularly and eating well since I was a teenager. Outside of tiredness in the first trimester, it was easy to carry Layla for the remainder of the 36 weeks and 3 days that she lived. As I was in the last month of pregnancy, I was seeing my doctor weekly; on what would be my last appointment, she could not find a heartbeat - an ultrasound confirmed that Layla had died in the womb. I had not experienced any symptoms like bleeding or cramping. I was induced and Layla was still born at 5.6 lbs, beautiful and perfect. There was no sign on Layla or the placenta to indicate what could have been the problem. Eleven weeks and two days later, I am still awaiting the autopsy report. Preliminary results have shown nothing.

I am still counting how old she would be with every day that passes. I don't know how long I will feel compelled to continue doing so... I am okay most days now, and for most hours of the day I do well, but I feel her absence today just as strongly as I did when my husband and I left the hospital the next day empty handed. To anyone who as ever lost a child in this way, my heart, prayers and thoughts are with you.

Therese