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5 MONTH PREGNACY

I DID NOT HAVE A DOCTOR YET AND I WAS IN AND OUT OF THE HOSPITAL FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS AND EVERY TIME THEY KEPT HAVING A HARD TIME FINDING HEART BEAT AND THEN ALL THE SUDDEN SAY ITS THERE AND FOR SOME REASON EVERY TIME THEY KEPT SAYING I WAS ONLY 13 WEEKS I NEW BETTER AND I TOLD THEM BUT THEY SEND ME HOME TELLING ME EVERYTHINGS OKAY FINALLY I TOLD THEM I WASNT LEAVIING TILL I HEARD MY BABY HEART BEAT THEY DID AN ULTRA SOUND AND FOUND THEY BABY WAS NO LONGER ALIVE THEN SENT ME HOME AND WOULD NOT TAKE IT OUT IT TOCK ANOTHER WEEK TO SEE A DOCTOR HE SENT ME HOME WITH MEDICINE THAT NIGHT I WENT INTO LABOR AND DILEVERED MY BABY AT HOME STILL ATTATCHED TO CORD WHEN I GOT TO ER IT WAS ABOUT 2 HOURS THEY LEFT THE BABY STILL HANGING OUT OF ME ATTATCHED TO THE CORD BREAKING MY HEART EVEN MORE AFTER THE DOCTOER DID THE DNC HE NEVER CAME IN TO TALK TO ME OR NOTHING JUST SENT ME HOME

sasha trettin

unexpected love from above

Hello my name is mireya, I was actually 16 years old when I found out I was pregnant, yes I know I was way too young to know how big the responsibilities are, but it happened. When I found out it was so unexpected, I was in Planned Parenthood to receive my next 3 birth control pills when I found out. Pregnancy test never crossed my mind because I was always on protection. From “the pill” to condoms and even plan B, so it never entered my mind to test, but it’s mandatory before getting equipped with pregnancy protection besides the condoms. Well anyways I was sitting waiting for my results when the lady called me in the back, I thought it was odd for her to do that since they’ve always handed me my pills over the counter. Well on my way back there she told me if I wanted my boyfriend (at the time) to join me. I said no need for that. So while I sat down again she told me that I was indeed pregnant… I was shocked more disappointed than anything. I felt confused, sad and just hurt for the most part. I told my boyfriend and he was to opposite he was excited happy and full of joy... I didn’t get it but I didn’t feel the same... While I sat down and tried to figure out how.. my aunt told me that when its time its time weather protection or no protection so I just took that advise in. 2 days later I had an appointment with my OB, to see how far I was, I thought I would be at least 2 weeks but I was wrong I happened to be 8weeks along, I was so confused about everything but once I seen my ultra sound I was in love for the first time. I felt warmth love and everything all at once just to know this god given miracle was growing inside of me. The next day’s reality just was on its mission. I has picked out names and everything.. I was getting so attached I felt great I was doing well in school they offered me so many things to help me through the pregnancy, I was over whelmed with everything (in the good way). So I was called in for a follow up appointment for an ultrasound, and everything was great I was 11weeks and going strong… I felt great. I broke the news to my family and they didn’t seem to be at my level of enthusiasm. My father was so angry and disappointed I expected that from him but not as far as trying to force me to an abortion he literally forced me to get one… gave me so much stress because I was living with him. I couldn’t do much no more doctor appointment I missed one. I finally broke down with so much pain that I told my mother about the situation with my father. So I moved in with people who supported me and my little family to be,(my boyfriends mothers house). They were great I had no problem with anything. 2 weeks after that I noticed some spotting but I knew that was normal the doctors had informed me of that, but everything was alright then a few hours later I notice a heavier bleeding I told my boyfriend’s mother and she immediately took me to the emergency. They had told me I was having a miscarriage!! I was melted down I was torn open I felt like my life just ended… I had so many emotion stings that I put my head down and cried my life away. But I knew it wasn’t over yet I had so much disbelief that I was thinking they could be wrong maybe god just made this a little difficult cause I’m young but no on my way back home I had sharp pains in my lower stomach I took some ibprophens to take the pain away. And it worked the pains stopped and I was taking a warm bath to ease my pain and it all went well until the tub went red! The tub yes was indeed filled with blood I was so scared that I couldn’t even scream or know how to react. As I put my hand down into the water I noticed that I felt a hard like object brush against my arm I slowed down to see what it was and it was my BABY. The whole little body on my palm… my tears fled down my checks as I just kept starring… putting all my hate toward GOD, from then on I isolated myself from everyone started with my boyfriend and then to my dad and mom and eventually everyone(friends family and everyone) and slowly and slowly I lost everyone I loved. I became so depressed that in the first 2 weeks after that I lost 30 pound I couldn’t eat nor sleep I was no one no strength no hope nor faith… but now I’m 19 years old and moved on but will never forget
My little baby lesson 13weeks lost and now I’m 2 years... ill never forget my baby I will always be a mother through god’s eyes

mireya solis

im praying

ive just found out im pregnant again im happy but also scared stiff, ive had 2 late miscarrages one at 5months and 1 at 6 months the drs say i have a incompinant cervix, so deep down i know its going to happen again is there anyone who has the same problem and has gone on to have a full time pregnancy or had the same experiece that can give me a little hope thx.

michelle anderson

sophmore year.

i dont know how to start this but lately i have been feeling very depressed. a few weeks ago i had a miscariage. being a sophmore in highschool im obviously not realy for a baby at all. i am on birthcontrol but i carelessly miss pills. when i found out i was pregnant my only option was abortion. i didnt tell my boyfriend because i was so afraid of how he would react and we were already fighting on an off. i remember taking three tests and lying on the bathroom floor crying because i was so confused. a few weeks later i got home and used the bathroom. i was spotting and there was brown discharge all over my underwear. i didnt know what to do so i waited a few days. i took another test and it was negative. i felt releived for a night but i grew so guilty. i had been taking ecstacy, smoking, and drinking. i knew i had killed my baby and that i was responsible for its death. when i was drunk a few weeks after, i told my boyfriend about the baby. he seemed happy but thoughtful and tried to comfort me. the next week i have been crying so much. being an artist my notebooks are filled with drawings and paintings of dead fetus's and terrible images of a girl with a hole in her stomach. i feel so alone. my boyfriend seems annoyed when i cry about it and tells me to be happy we didnt have to get an abortion. he tries to make me rationalize my feelings and stop the crying but i wish he could just hold me and let me cry. he has been so wonderful about everything that has happened to me in my life but i guess he just couldnt handle this. everyday i wake up and feel so responsible for my baby. i cry and everytime i see someone pregnant, or an maternity store. i freak out and cry. i know i should be greatful for my loss. but i feel like ive lost a part of myself as well. and i greive everyday.

alexandra

My Beautiful Little ANGELIQUE

It’s been 9 weeks since my night mare started, 8 weeks since I delivered.
It all started May 19 2009, I found out I was 3-4 weeks pregnant the most exited day of my life by the way. A week later on Tuesday May 26, I started sporting so I went to the doctor and they did a sonogram and everything look fine, it wasn’t very convincing so I went to the ER on Tuesday night again and the ultrasound showed a sack. On Wednesday the sporting started again so I call the clinic around 4:00 pm they close at 5, so they told me they will inform the doctor, who I was seeing, so she said if it continues go to the ER specially if you start cramping like a period, thank God I didn’t, so I made an appointment with them for Thursday at 11:00 am they said the doctor I was seeing is not taking any new OB patients, so I said ok the nurse said your going to see another doctor, after the sonogram.. So after the sonogram, they direct me to a patient room and the new doctor comes in and says to me you’re a difficult case and I’m like ok, he said I’m going to give you a methotextrate shot for you to have a miscarriage since we can’t see anything in the uterus and at 7 weeks we should start to see something and he said this is not a normal pregnancy and I said so I said no to the shot since is against my religious believes, so he said well there is another option and I said what is it and he said the ectopic surgery, so I said surgery uhm I have to think about that too, and he said there is not too much to time to think since you’re risking your life ,so I said that’s my own choice so I went home to talk to my husband and we decided on the surgery, well he did the surgery May 28, and he didn’t find anything on my fallopian tube so he came with this diagnose of saying that I probably had a miscarriage on Tuesday or Wednesday, in my mind I was thinking that is impossible since I didn’t had heavy bleeding nor pain. Then after the surgery the instruction was to go on the following Monday June 1st to get my blood drawn to see if my hCG went down, so I figure everything was fine since they didn’t called, Monday night nor Tuesday, so on Wednesday June 3rd the nurse calls says your hormones are going well they keep on going up and I said that’s impossible he said I had a miscarriage last week, so the nurse says your doctor need to see you immediately so I go to my 3:00 pm appointment and they do a sonogram there is a sack with the yolk, he still not convinced by it so I go to one of the patience rooms and he said we’re going to have to give you the methotextrate shot so I said no again and walked out, and when I walked out he said believe it or not your going to have a miscarriage within the next two weeks so I said well if is God’s will maybe but not because is you will. Thank God I’m I didn’t allow the shot. So I change doctors, and I started to spot again so my new doctor ordered an ultrasound on June 12, 2009 I had my ultrasound and my and I got to see and hear the heartbeat I was happy and they discover I had a bloody cyst and that’s where the blood was coming from thank god nothing to worry about. And on June 15 2009, I had my first prenatal appointment with my new doctor and I got to see the baby again in a ultrasound and I got my little picture and she said were going with the baby’s measurements for the due date not by your LMP so the due date was February 4th 2009, and I went home very happy and schedule my next appointment for July 6 2009. So everything was going fine, but on July 3 2009 I started bleeding again bright red a lot more then the last few times I called the emergency line and they said if you don’t’ cramp or start passing large blood clothes don’t panic. So on Saturday the bleeding continued and I had to go to the ER for peace of mind, being a holiday the 4th of July I had to wait for an ultrasound all day so at around 6:00 pm I had the ultrasound and I got to see my beautiful baby dancing around very happy. So the next week I had my ob appointment on the 13 of July everything went fine she gave me an ultrasound since I had visited the ER the weekend before due to the bleeding, so they told the bleeding that I was having was due to the cyst and it finally made it’s way out the weekend that I visited the ER thank good no more bleeding to worry about so got my other beautiful baby was fine and got a picture to take home and show my daddy. I was happy to go to my appointment. At 14 weeks and 4 days on Monday August 10, 2009 at my 8:40 am since I had not experience any more bleeding, nor other problems, I was convinced everything was fine, well was I wrong had appointment the doctor couldn’t find the heart beat with the Doppler, I wasn’t thinking anything was wrong since my last few appointments she couldn’t find it either, so we always ended up at the ultrasound room every time, so we headed to the ultrasound room I was exited since I was going to get to see my little bundle of joy, so I was lying in the table and she move the screen where I would be able to see what was going on and she did the abdominal ultrasound and she made a face and started looking, and she said we have to do the vaginal ultrasound since you bag looks like is being liking, being my first pregnancy I didn’t know what that mean, so she did the vaginal ultrasound and said yes, those horrible words that no mother wants to hear “I’m sorry, but there is not a heart beat” I looks like you baby died on Thursday, Friday or Saturday since is measuring between 14 weeks and 14 weeks and 2 days, and I’m like that’s impossible I never had any bleeding, I only had a mild back pain that everyone keep saying your body is expanding and is normal and I was thinking it was. So I immediately started crying and the doctor left the room so I could called my husband and my mom and told them the horrible news and no one could understand what happened since we’ve never heard of a miss miscarriage, so the doctor came in to the room and told me to go home and she would schedule my hospital stay staring Wednesday since she was on call on Thursday, so I was like what are you talking about you’re telling me that I have to carry my dead baby anther 3 days before I can have my d & c and she said well that to see if nature takes it’s course and you start miscarrying and if not you need to come to the hospital on Wednesday to start you delivery, I was like what delivery I can’t deliver at 14 weeks and go thru the pain and live the hospital with my empty hands. I left the place crying all loud, I didn’t wanted to go to the waiting area and see other pregnant women sitting there and here I’m crying because I just lost my baby, I got into my car and started crying and driving off, I was maybe 5 miles away from my doctors office when the nurse called me and said you need to come to the hospital on Wednesday at 5pm to the labor and delivery room I was like what I have to go do L & D where all the other expecting moms are I was like are you kidding me I have to go and see and hear people talking abut newborns. So I don’t know how I manage to get home, but I made it. So all what I did that day and the next two, I was crying waiting for Wednesday at 5pm to get here, but at around 4:00pm the hospital called me and said come at 7pm instead of 5 so we did and we got there at 6:45 pm so we had to wait in the waiting room hearing people talking about a baby just being born or expecting the baby to arrive it was hell. So the nurse came and told me what they were going to do they were going to insert a pill on next to my cervix to soften it up every 4 hours, so Wednesday night came Thursday all day and nothing happened so Friday August 14 2009 morning at 6 I got my last dose, and the doctor came and told me what the next procedure was going to be to insert a suppository or start giving me a shot, luckily the process started 5 minutes after she left what seem like a river of blood started coming and all day just blood no pain at all and at around 6:35 on August 14th 2009 my beautiful Angelique arrive to this world and left my arms to be with God and my grandma. We didn’t even know my baby arrived until I got up to go to the bathroom and there it was. We spend crying and holding our baby for 2 hours that seem like 2 seconds before they came go get it since we requested the testing. So the nurse came and took our baby at around 8:30pm, it felt terrible like someone was stabbing me and taking my heart away. Then an hour later the nurse came and gave me a memory box with pictures and mementos that’s all I had. So I when I was thinking everything was over no the placenta never came out so after all the pain emotional pain I had to have a D&C since the bleeding never stopped at 4:00am I was taken to the OR. So after I woke up it was Saturday morning and by 3:00pm I left the hospital with my empty hands and not pregnant anymore it was all over, and we got home and cried my self to sleep, not wanting to eat, talk or hear anyone talking, I just wanted to died so I could be with my baby. Then the days went by I just cried and cried. So waiting for my follow up appointment and the pathology results are in and they said nothing everything was perfect. And a week later on September 8th 2009 was the day I was suppose to have my ultrasound to know the sex of my baby I got a call from the doctors office after hours telling me It was a perfect little GIRL, I just wanted to died since, I always wanted one and when god gave it to me it gotten taken away. Since then I ordered my self a charm Bracelet with a girl and we decided to name our baby girl and her name is ANGELIQUE the perfect name for a perfect little angel that is waiting for me in heave. I will always love and never forget my little beautiful Angelique and I would not change anything for that little sonogram where I saw her dancing and heard her little tiny heart beating and her sonogram pictures are my most adore treasures. It’s been 8 weeks since I delivered her and it doesn’t get easier, I think your heart and soul gets use to the aching. I’m writhing this because I’m having to go to the pain of wanting to feel pregnant knowing I’m not, and I don’t know if I want to be because I feel like I’m kind of letting Angelique down when I was suppose to be pregnant with her and I don’t know if I want to be pregnant on her due date. I’m sorry if my story is too long I just had to let it out and please listen to your body not to your doctor.
Our little and beautiful Angelique mom and dad will always love you. Thanks for making me a mommy my little angel in heave.

maria