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Joshua

I had a wonderful pregnancy all the way up till the end. I went out to dinner with my best friend for her bacherlorette party the night before because I couldn't obviously go to the party I was 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I went home and was feeling my belly to try and feel my baby move but I fell asleep. I woke up in the morning and I was worried cause he wasn't moving which was sometimes normal but he would always move when I would eat breakfast so I ate breakfast and still no moving. I called my midwife and she advised me to go to the emergency room and they hooked me up to the monitor and no heartbeat was found. It felt like the world had stopped turning it still feels unreal when I go back to that moment. I was induced a couple hours later and Joshua was born asleep on September 13th @ 3:51 AM. He was absolutley beatiful 7lbs 4oz not a single sign that anything was wrong. I got to hold my son for the first and the last time at my hospital stay. I can't imagine something like this would ever happen to me I did everything right in my pregnancy. I feel for every mother this has happened to leaving the hospital empty handed and coming home to a perfect nursery you had set up for your little one is the worst feeling any human being can probably handle. Nobody can say the right words or make you feel better about it when your baby dies. Nobody can fully understand the questions running through your mind unless they have suffered the same experience. Life can be so unfair sometimes and I dont know what helps heal a heartbreak like this I still have yet to find that.

Kelly

Does the thought ever go away?

Today my baby would be six years old. I was going through a breakup when I miscarried so I didn't even know I was pregnant until the week before the miscarriage. Everything was fine that Wednesday when I went to the doctor. I was 9 wks. along and was given the due date of October 11. I was scared. I was happy. I had horrible morning sickness. I didn't know how to tell the father. We promised each other no contact for two weeks. Then Sunday night horrible cramps and spotting. I didn't feel like working Monday, but I did anyway. My cramps led me to the bathroom where I passed large blood clots. My baby. The one that I didn't want and wasn't ready for, but still love with all my heart. I never told the father, even though I spoke with him today. I quietly mourn our baby alone every year on this day. Sometimes I think I wished it away. Sometimes I think God took it away from us because we were selfish in our relationship. I can't seem to accept the fact that this baby wasn't in the plans for me or the father or the world.
My

Jessica Rosson

never felt this before

What am I feeling right now? I'm not sure really what i'm feeling. I can't sleep right now i wake up looking for something but don't know what. wake up feeling lost and dont know where im going. I was 5w. and 5d. Last Tuesday morning, Oct. 5, 2010, I started to spot a little and had some cramping. I have 5 children, all normal pregnancies and deliveries, so when the pain and spotting got bad I knew it wasnt normal. I was bleeding bright red and then really dark red blood. I had never had a miscarrige, but I knew I was then. And I also knew there was nothing that my dr. could do. With my 4th child, boy, I had a partial placental abruption at 10-12 weeks, I thought i had lost that baby
but he was fine. Somehow I knew this was differant I could just feel this baby slipping away. The next day, Wed. Oct. 6, I passed the sac with the tiny one. It wasn't what you would expect and anyone who has had to go through this knows what I mean. But I KNEW that was him/her. It is now the following Monday, tomorrow will be one week since I lost my little one to and early miscarriage. dont give up- God controls what we think we do. He knows what he's doing, so be strong and don't question his will. He loves us all.
Even the little Angels he loans us for only a little while.

Samantha Boyd

she'll fly in heaven with all the angels ;; her wi

Me and my boyfriend, he was 18 and i was sixteen, found out i was 9 weeks pregnant at the health department. All i have ever wanted was a baby a child i could call my own. I love children, love being around them, love hearing them speak. My child was my world. I loved that baby. I never found out the sex, never heard the heart beat, never felt a kick. I finally got my appointment, and went to see the dr. when i got there, they only asked a million questions, and sent me on my way. Also scedualing a new appointment. I came over to see my mom, dad, and little brother in the next county, they wanted to see me and i wanted to see them. The night after i was there, i had spotting, they took me to the hospital and couldnt find a heartbeat. So i got taken to the next county over (not the one i live in now by the way) they had to take me there because i needed an ultra sound, and they're ultra sound technition was not in. So i got down there, and they tell me that they couldnt find a heartbeat on the ultra sound, i had been in hospital, to ambulance, to hospital from 9pm, to 4 am, and they told me i only had a thretened miscarrage, i still kept up my hope, came home and went to bed. The next morning my mother was taking me home, we had to stop at wilco, to get something to drink, i had to pee, i went to use the bathroom, and was bleeding once again, and passed what felt like 3 golf ball sized tissues. I asked my mother to take me to the hospital. They ran tests for about an hour came back in and said, someone has to tell you, and the sooner you hear it, the better. I found out i had a miscarriage, and my heart droped, and as tears fell from my face, i knew i would never be the same person, i was crying too hard to even listen to the dr's instructions. He told me i would have pain, and perscribed me medicine for it. I went by about 2 weeks without pain and came back to my mothers house for my next appointment, and had a d&c done. ever since, my life has changed, and for any young mother reading this, its been three months, and i have not gotten over this, my heart aches, with pain and regret. and i dont know what i still done wrong, everyone told me it was not my fault. But out of all honesty, thats what they had to tell me. Forgive me for feeling like a horrible person. I loved my child dearly, but the way i see it, god's the best babysitter i could ask for(: thankyou god for watching over my child. Taking it under you arm, and keeping her/him safe.

amber

zak

I lost my baby boy Zak 4 weeks ago. I was 9 days overdue. I had seen the midwife on the wednesday when i was term plus 5 and everything was fine, then on the friday night i realised that i hadn't felt any movement and couldn't remember any all day, thought i was beig stupid and thought i would wake up in the morning and everything would be fine. I woke up and still nothing, i was meant to be seeing the midwife for a second sweep anyway about lunch time but my husband told me to stop being silly and call the on call midwife to check it out and was told to go to the hospital. I thought i was just wasting their time and they would say it was all fine, but no such luck, They put in on a monitor to listen into the babies heartbeat and i could hear straight away that it was too slow, she was picking up my heartbeat and so she said she would just get the dr so he could scan to have a look, he was looking for ages and i could see it was all still and again he said he would get a second opinion and the consultant came in had a look and she shock her head at the dr and then they told us there was no heartbeat. They started to induce me at 10.30 that morning, nothing had happened so given another dose about 4 and they at 10.30pm the dr came and and said they could induce me again or wait until the morning and try again, i chose to carrying on with another dose. I started have pains 7 the next morning and then gave birth to Zak at 8.23 on sunday 5th september, 9 days over due. He was perfect and i had nothing obviosly wrong. Still don't know what went wrong got to wait another 2 or 3 weeks for post mortem results and i bet they won't know then.

steph hudson