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Life After Death

I had my daughter in July of 2000. After a three year year relationship, I was surprised that it had taken so long to become pregnant. To my surprise after 7 years I became pregnant in Oct. 2006, unfortunately a week after seeing the heartbeat I noticed a small amount of blood on my underwear. Christmas Day, I left my aunt's and rushed to the hospital only to discover that the baby had no longer had a heartbeat. I was so shocked and in denial. I left and went to another hospital praying they were wrong. Sadly, the same reply. After a week of constant waiting I decided to get it over with a scheduled d&c, which I did Jan. 02, 2007.

I never thought I would be able to have babies again. Surprise, it is October 27, 2007 and I am 9 weeks pregnant. I saw the ultrasound and the heartbeat is perfect. The baby was bouncing around. I was so scared to see the ultrasound, but after the nurse informed me I was relieved to know that I got a second chance in life. I pray that I have a healthy baby. To all that have miscarried, don't lose faith. Things happen when you least expect it!

Lily

Lets be strong!

I am 22 years old. When I found out I was pregnant I was really surprised and I cried because I wasn't ready, but to see my boyfriend's happiness I got really happy and excited about the new member of the family.

I didn't have health insurance, so I applied for gov. help and the whole process delayed my first appointment to the Doctor. Before my first appointment at 13 weeks pregnant I started bleeding and in the ER they couldn't see the baby in the ultrasound, they said I could have an ectopic pregnancy or passed him/her already but didn't feel it. I said No, it can't be. Two days later the craps were killing me and started passing blood clots. This is the most difficult thing. As for now Doctors are still checking my blood HCG to make sure that is not a pregnancy outside the uterus. They think it was "just" an abnormal pregnancy.

The only thing I could tell other women going through this is that God is the only one who knows when it's time. Only we know how we feel, but we just have to be strong!

I know that is hard to get so excited and then all the sudden you find out something so sad, but our women strength will help us!

I have faith that everything will be ok. With me and I pray for all women going through this!


E.J

Twin Angels

My fiancé and I were both surprised to learn that we were pregnant. While we had not planned for it but we quickly became excited with the prospect of becoming a family. My mother had been waiting all her life to become a grandma and both of our families were ecstatic. I even waited to tell everyone until I was 12 weeks along as a precaution, as my mom had suffered miscarriages also.

At about 14 weeks I slipped and fell in the bathroom one night, nothing serious but I was worried and we went to the emergency room as a precaution. I had not had an ultrasound at that point, but that night I found out that I had two babies. We both began laughing when we found out, my laughs quickly turned to tears when I thought about becoming a mom for the first time to twins. Thank God my fiancé is such a great guy, he was very excited and quickly put me at ease. This explained why I had been putting on weight so steadily! That weekend we got a book on twins and my fear turned into excitement, what a blessing to have twins!

Two weeks later we had our first scheduled ultrasound with our OBGYN. It was amazing! To see those two little babies on the monitors, hearts beating away, it was truly amazing. One of the twins was sucking his thumb; it was a beautiful moment for us. We found out we were having twin boys, and we named them before we even made it home from the doctor. Twin A was William, and Twin B was Cameron. After that day what those babies were to me took on an entirely different meaning, they were my boys. I called everyone I knew to announce the two little boys.

The week directly following our ultrasound we even had a routine appointment, we heard their heartbeats and everything seemed to be moving along well. I was feeling great, and was even beginning to feel the babies move which was amazing.

Three weeks later we had follow up ultrasound. It was almost like I knew something was wrong, but I was sure I had felt the babies just the day before. We went in for the ultrasound and as soon as the photo came up I knew. I could see the baby but could not see the heartbeat. When I looked at the doctor I could see the horror on his face too. My fiancé asked if they were growing, he just shook his head and that is when he told us we had lost them both. I went into shock, I couldn't even cry for the first few minutes because I just couldn't believe this was happening. I remember going to the bathroom and feeling like I was about to pass out. Then they took us into another room to talk to our OBGYN. The nurse actually asked me "what happened" as I walked into the next room, I almost threw up, wouldn't I have liked to know?

This was my first pregnancy so I had no idea what was about to come. The doctor came in and explained that I would have to deliver the twins. As if it wasn't horrifying enough to have lost both the babies I would now have to deliver them. I chose to go home that night and set up a c-section appointment a day later.

That night my fiancé and I made the unbearable phone calls, and sent out mass e-mails. Of course the baby shower invites had gone out only a week earlier so just as guests were receiving invites when had horrible news. The next morning my mom flew in and we got ready for my surgery the next morning. It was almost cruel to have to look down at my belly and know there were two little boys in there that I loved so much, and that they would never make it into the world.

I had been doing ok until we got to the hospital. It was a nightmare to have to check in, and then be walked down the hallways of the "labor and delivery" wing of the hospital. A place where babies are born and happy families are made everyday. Though I was there for the saddest day of my life.

The nurses started flowing in and everyone kept telling me how sorry they were. They brought the ultrasound machine in again and I just started weeping, it felt like it just kept getting worse and it broke my heart even more to have to see my fiancé and mothers heart breaking as well. Soon thereafter they took me into the surgery room, I remember a nurse hugging me as I cried and they gave me the spinal injection. She asked me the boy's names and I told her, and she just hugged me tighter. I never got to say Thank you to her, but somehow her asking their names put me at ease that they would take care of them. They sedated me so by the time I had the spinal injection and laid down it was over. I woke up in the recovery room, and as sad as I was I was relieved the surgery was over.

This was all a little over a week ago. I am trying to stay strong and I believe in time, when it is right that I will have a happy healthy baby or babies. Some days are better than others, and I feel like sharing this story will hopefully help someone else to not feel so alone because at times I have.

It has helped me to keep in mind all the things I am grateful for. As much as it still hurts and I am still grieving everyday it helps me to think about the family and friends I have around me and how lucky I am to have them in my life. I am also a deeper more grounded person for having those two little boys in my life, even though it was just for a short while, they taught me what is really important in life.


Lynnette French

My loss...

It starts back in July. We talked about having a baby and we both hoped we'd get pregnant. Then in September I took a home test. A week earlier I was feeling like I should get my period, I had minor cramps and tender breasts, never thinking any thing more...so when the home test read positive, I just about fell over. (My first pregnancy) I was excited, nervous, happy, and scared all at one time. How is that possible? But after the surprise wore off I was very happy and excited to finally become a mom. I though he was too. Turns out he decided to back out on me. And, not just once either. I kept forgiving him thinking he was just "freaking out". It would have been a first baby for both of us. But as more time went on I started to stress my self out on whether he was going to be around or leave me by myself. I did let him go for a week thinking all he needed was time by himself.

So to make a long story short...about two weeks ago (10 1/2 wks pregnant) we found out that our baby was not gonna make it. A day and a half after our news you think he'd stay home and be supportive and let us comfort each other. No he decides to go out and not come home for the night. The next day he admitted to being with someone else and said we should be done for a while. I told him we were done for good (among other hurtful, mean comments). So, here I sit going thru all this hurt and loss by myself. It is very mind wrecking and depressing knowing that your baby is no longer alive inside of you and still you have to do all these test and wait for him to come out "naturally". I really wanted this baby. Do things really happen for a reason? This loss hurts so much. So many questions...who or what is to blame...maybe no one or nothing maybe, the big man upstairs had other plans. Deep in my heart of hearts I know that time heals all wounds and that I will smile again someday.


bryanna

My 3rd

I had trouble getting pregnant from the time I got married. I started fertility work up. I had to have a/i with my first pregnancy (it took the very 1st time). I had a healthy baby boy. After about 2 years I started trying again still no baby. I had a/i done about 13 times still nothing. I then went to a Fertility Dr. who told me that invitro was the only other option. I left crying because that was just too expensive. A friend of mine had been to New Orleans to the Fertility Institute so I went there. I was pregnant within 4 months or so. I had a/i just one time. I had a healthy baby girl. Now I have a 13-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter. Of course a baby was never out of the question but I have never been on birth control so I thought I could never get pregnant by myself (that is without drugs or having a/i). Then about 9 weeks ago I missed my period. Boy was that a shock!!! I did 3 pregnancy tests to be sure and they were all positive. Of course my friend and I cried and cried. I wasn't expecting this not that I didn't want a baby just that I didn't think it would ever happen. I started telling everyone. Everyone told me that this was my Miracle Child since I had so much trouble getting pregnant in the past.

Then I went to the Dr. when I was 6 weeks everything was fine I had a sonogram. We saw the baby, heard the heartbeat everything was fine. When I talked to the Dr. he said he wanted to do another sono in 2 weeks there was some blood somewhere I can't even remember but he did say there was nothing to worry about. So I went back for my 2-week appt. I took my 6 yr old little girl with me since I was to have a sono so she could see the baby. Of course she had to go to the bathroom and we started the sono without her. I was like you need to hurry up your going to miss the baby. The tech said I think your daughter shouldn't come in here I thought it was because I was having a vaginal sono but I said it's fine. Then she told me that there was no heartbeat. I was just about to come off the table. She then went to get the Dr. and sure enough there was no heartbeat. My daughter didn't know what was going on they had taken her somewhere else. When she saw me crying she then knew something was wrong. She assured me everything would be alright. I had to call everyone to tell them that my baby had died. This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with in my life. My daughter was fine that day until everyone had left the house and it was time for bed. Then she started crying telling me that she had always prayed and prayed for a baby but not for God to take it away. My son who is 13 took it like a man. He tried to talk to my daughter to try and make her understand that this is something that happens. She is okay now but says we will have another baby soon.

I still am an emotional wreck. I have good days and bad days. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I feel like people are staring at me or talking about me. I hope that will get better with time. I hope that if I get pregnant again it will be a success.


Kathy