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My angel

Wow where to start.When I found out that I was pregnant I was so ecstatic.And so was my partner.He was over the moon.All was going well.I was almost 10 weeks.Then I noticed that something just didnt seem right.I woke up one sunay morning & went to the toilet & there was blood.I had abdominal cramps but they werent severe.It totally freaked me out & in a panic I was rushed up to A & E at a private hospital to get it checked out.I knew I was having a miscarriage.Then it was a confirmed miscarrige.I had a D&C done.And now I am still going through my grieving process.Take the time to grieve your loss.Letting it all out will help you.Take each day as it comes.My partner took me down to the beach & that was when I released all my thoughts that I had held onto.Letting it all go & feeling cleansed & ready to take on the world.I am getting stronger everyday.The support I have had from my loving partner & family has been amazing.That`s what has helped me get thru them most darkest & sadest time in my life.My angel it wasn`t your time.I know you are watching over us.And you always will be.I love you always & forever.
Arohanui,
Love,
your loving mummy & daddy...

PS:We will be trying for another baby in a couple of months.I am so excited about it...xoxoxox

GOD BLESS & REMEMBER BE STRONG & MAKE YOURSELF THE NUMBR ONE PRIORITY....

Ataahuawahine

Still hurting.

I lost my baby almost 2 weeks ago and It still gets to me when I see a pregnant woman or a new baby.
I lost my baby at 12 weeks pregnant. The baby had been gone for a week and I didn't know it. I had a D and C and it took longer than expected but all my insides are good. The doctor says after my next cycle I can try again.
I had tryed to get Pregnant for 3 years and for my baby to be taken away it really doesn't make any sence to me. I know God had his reason but I will never know them. I guess that is the way it is.
I will have my baby someday.

amanda

Picture Perfect Pregnancy, or so I thought?

I have always had picture perfect pregnancies. I have 2 beautiful girls, age 5 and 2. We decided we wanted our kids close in age so when our youngest was 1 we started talking about trying again. We got pregnant right away! And at our 20 week appt. found out we were having another little girl! So exciting! Everything was going perfectly, no morning sickness, feeling wonderful the whole time. I went in on a Monday for my 34 week check up and she was doing great, nice strong heartbeat. Little did I know that 24 hours later we would find out that she was gone. I wasn't feeling her move on Tuesday night so I called my mother-in-law and she brought me in to get checked out. My husband stayed home with our other children. The whole way to the hospital I was trying to be positive, but I had this awful feeling that our lives were forever changing with each mile we drove. I intuitively had my husband stay home thinking the if he stayed home then everything would be fine with the baby, I was just being paranoid and we would be home within the hour. When we got to the hospital the nurse tried to find the heatbeat and she kept moving the monitor around and I knew something was wrong because my doctor always found her heartbeat right away. So she went and got another nurse to check. The same thing kept going on which seemed like an eternity. We called my husband and had him come to the hospital. I asked the nurse to tell me what was happening but of course she couldn't say anything until the ultra sound tech came and confirmed my worst fear. There was no heartbeat and she was gone. My husband and I were devistated. How could this be happening, I was just at the doctors 24 hrs. ago! It was 11 o'clock at night and now I have to wait out the night until 9:30 the next morning to deliver my baby girl. It was the longest, most painful night of my life. The next morning at 9:27 am I gave birth via c-seation to a beautiful little girl, 5 lbs. 11 oz. and 18 in. long. She was perfect, they couldn't find anything wrong with her. They said the cause could have been to a possible umbilical cord defect. I still can't believe that she is not here with us. I went home three days later with my milk coming in, a painful incision, stretch marks, hospital bills, but no baby to hold. Just empty arms and an empty heart. I will miss her everyday of my life. Had she been delivered on that Monday, she would have survived. And that thought haunts me everyday.

amanda

Kate

I have always wanted to be a mother...I love children. I started babysitting when I was eleven. I worked in childcare for 15 years before I switched to an office job. I met my soulmate in 2006 and we were married in 2009. We started right away trying to conceive. I knew it would be a long road as I have had many female issues-endometriosis, fibroids and heavy periods. After a year of trying we sought the help of a fertility specialist. They did tests and bloodwork and when the results came back it was determined that my husband had low sperm morphology. The best chance for us to get pregnant was to do an IUI. We needed to wait for me to get my period so that they could start giving me medications and controlling when I would ovulate. I was frustrated when my period was late becasue I just want to start the whole IUI process. When I was about 4 days late I took a pregnancy test...it was positive! My husband and I were in complete shock!! I never expected this to happen. We went to the Dr. for bloodwork and they confirmed- we were indeed pregnant! About 5 weeks along. We told our families they were thrilled. My sister was already about 8 weeks pregnant and my sister in law was 5 months along with twins. It would be so exciting for us to all be pregnant at the same time! We went back a week later for our first sonogram...we were so excited...I couldn't wait for that black and white picture.
The doctor was taking measurements and I asked if they were good? He had a funny look on his face. He said they were ok...but there was only a gestatinal sac-nothing in it. There should be a yolk sac within the gestainal sac. He basically said it probably wasn't going to be a viable pregnancy but the only thing we could do was wait and see. I was scheduled to go back on Tuesday. I lost it...thanks GOd I was at my Mother's house. We were really in a state of shock. I was still holding onto everything being ok. We went back to the Dr on Tuesday and the baby had grown! There was a yolk sac now! That was good news....or so I thought. I started bleeding that night. The next day- St. Patrick's day I was really cramping and starting to bleed. I called my Doctor they had me come in. My mother drove me to the Dr...it was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced. Absoloutely horrific. When we got to the Dr's they brought me into a room and had me get undressed and get on the table...as I was doing so I saw the "fetal tissue" as the Dr calls it...my baby in my underwear.
The nurse came in...who I had never met before. She introduced herself as Kate. That is the name we had chosen if we had a girl. Right there I knew that was GOD talking to me...I had lost my little girl-Kate. Only a girl would give her mother this much heartache. THey gave me pain medication and sent me home. The Dr was sure I had passed everything. I cannot exxplain the overwhelming sense of sadness and loss I feel everyday. NO ONE understand how I am feeling. People say the absolute most ridiculous things. My sister in law tried to compare her trying to conceive for a year and half to having a miscarriage. NOT THE SAME! You now have 2 healthy babies growing inside you. I have nothing...but an empty belly and an empty heart. I can't understand why I would be given such a precious gift only to have it taken away from me. I am thankful I did get an ultrasound picture. I have it framed next to my bed. I may go on to have other children but I will never forget my daughter Kate.

Kristy

My baby Girl Olivia Star

My name is Ivy and I recently experienced a stillbirth a week ago, March 17th, 2010. It was my first child. Typing this is hard but I feel that I need to express my self in others ways than tears and frustration. I lost my little girl at exactly 21 weeks. Everything was going fine and I wasn't having any complications. On Sunday, March 14th my water broke and I went to the hospital. The next few days were a blur and happened so fast that I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened. When my water broke on that Sunday the ultrasound revealed that most of the fluid had been released. I prepared myself to be on bed rest until the rest of the pregnancy so the baby could replenish the fluids. Unfortunately that didn't happen. The next day I started to have contractions. I wasn't sure what contractions were since this was my first child but I figure the pain I was experiencing was not a normal cramp. I went to the hospital again complaining of the pain only to be sent home. The pain continue and the next day the bleeding started. I was sent back to the hospital. My baby was still fighting though. We heard her heartbeat and had hope that everything would work out. But the next day when the second ultrasound was done, there was no heartbeat found. I was devastated. My husband's heart was broken. Then came the news that I would have to deliver the baby vaginally. I don't know how I did it because it was so hard emotionally. I thank God for giving me the strength to do that but I feel that I need more help now dealing with reality.

My husband held our little girl and I touched her hand. Although she was very small and fragile, she was beautiful. I just wished I could have taken her home and experienced her living. I miss her so much and I miss her kicking me in my stomach. I know she is in a better place. In my heart I know that God knows what is best for me and my little girl but I wonder what was so wrong about her being in my arms? Only time will heal my broken heart but I will never forget my daughter, Olivia Star. I will one day see her and will rejoice.


Ivy

Ivy