Post your Story

First MC have 3 yr old Son

I have a beautiful 3 year old. After waiting a while, we finally felt ready for #2. Had no problems with the first, why would this one be any different? Told everyone and was all set. I didn't feel pregnant at about 9 weeks- no more nausea, belly not expanding like before. Spotting barely but with my first, that had happened, and nothing came of it. Went in anyways and no hearbeaton doppler (there had been one when me and my son went into ultrasound weeks earlier). Luckily he wasn't with me oin this trip. Ultrasounds showed my baby just lifeless and floating with my breathes. I felt like I was leaving my body I was so in shock and sad. Having a hard time since I have a lot of friends pregnant now and due soon. No matter if you have already had a child or not, it is still extrememly difficult! No matter how common it may be, it is extremely difficult! I tossed out the ultrasound picture as soon as I got home- I was so angry. I was worried about how my son would be since he was so excited to be a big brother. The night after I found out, I swear my mind let the baby go. It passed in the morning after crazy strong cramping. I had to have my husband flush it and I think that was the lowest point in my life! All those hopes and dreams down the toilet-literally! That child would have been so loved and was so wanted- we tried 9 mo's! I hated that I saw it. D&C are better in that sense I suspect.
My son asked last weekend when the baby in my belly was coming (as he wlays did) and I had to tell him it wasn't coming and that it was back with Jesus in heaven and that was why Mommy has been crying a lot lately. I can't promise him another will come- cuz it is not up to me. So I just said I would let him know if he would be a brother. I just got my period (1month later) and am a little happy about that- believe it or not. I went through the morning sickness for over 2 months (some while treking around at our Disneyland vacation in April). I am not sure if I want to go through that all again. I lost it last week when I saw my friend had packed her suitcase getting ready for her delivery. So not fair, but life isn't fair. I am speaking with a counselor at church to understand. I know it is His Will and not mine, it still hurts so much. Some part of me wants to get pregnant again right away while the other doesn't want to be "replacing one child for another". So confused......

Sarah

4 miscarriages, how many more to go?

My name is Ellie. I am married to a wonderful man who serves our country. Our daughter is 3 1/2 and we have had four miscarriages, two before our princess was born and two after. The first two weren't as bad as I thought they would be, it sounds horrible, I know. I think we weren't ready to have a baby. Then we had a wonderful pregnancy. When our little one was about 2, we decided to try for another baby. I was about five weeks pregnant, when I started to bleed.

I miscarried a week before Thanksgiving 2004, four days before my husband left for Kuwait for 6 month. I wanted to die... Especially with my MIL telling me that it might have been better anyways... I felt alone and misunderstood because my husband had to concentrate on his mission and he was far away. He got back in April and we started to try again in June. I got pregnant in November, my husband left for another tour to Iraq four days before Thanksgiving. That night, I had to go to the ER because I was spotting. They told me that everything was ok, my baby's heartbeat was perfect and my cervix was closed. The next day I had an appointment with my OB, got an ultrasound pic of the baby, and she told me that everything was still ok.

Two days later, on Thanksgiving Day, the spotting went to bleeding and I went to the ER again, after dropping my daughter off at our babysitter's. They did some tests and and exam. Nothing to worry about, but they wanted to be absolutely sure, so they did another ultrasound. There were three doctors and two nurses in this tiny little room with me. One of the doctors looked at the screen and told me that he had to check my chart again, not that he wouldn't believe me but "there is nothing"... Very nicely put, doc! I went home and had to do the worst thing you can do to a soldier in a combat zone. I've had to send out a red cross message, requesting his return home.

About 30 min after I put in the message, I received a call from my husband telling me that he made it to Kuwait ok and that he missed us already... He didn't get the message yet... So I told him over the phone and he broke down in tears. His Commander tried to get him home as soon as possible, but there was not much he could do. My hubby came home on R&R leave last month, which is way too short to even get used to each other again. Those two weeks were long enough to get pregnant, though. I am four weeks pregnant and this morning started to spot again.

Will this ever stop?
Ellie

Ellie

It hurts....

I am sat here with tears rolling down my face, while I'm reading these stories.I dont know what prompted me to come here. I have just come back from the hospital after a scan at 5 weeks to find out if my spotting was indeed a miscarriage or not.

They cant tell.

What they can say is that its not a person yet and that its natures way of rejecting what wasnt meant to be.
"Have you been experiencing any pains lately?", they ask.
"Only the one in my heart".

I am a realist. I know when my husband was trying to tell me that such associations should not affect me so strongly at 5 weeks, he says it because he wants to see me happy.
But what I want to know is this...How can you not acknowledge an association you feel growing inside you everyday for four weeks. 31 days. 744 hours and 44630 seconds. Because thats the time I have spent with My Baby in close proximity. Everything I have done, said or thought about has been with My baby in mind. So how am I supposed to just abandon the thought?

I have to go to the hospital again in two days for a follow up Bhcg test, which might give them an idea of whats going on regrding my pregnancy.

The heart breaking bit is.. I have a feeling the battle is already lost.

So here I am sitting by my computer, reading these stories and purging my soul with my tears.

Divya

still in shock

I found out I was pregnant on a Tuesday night. I took a home test and then went to the ER to have blood work done so I could know for sure. They told me I was five weeks. I was really scared because I am only 21 and wasn't ready to have a baby. My boyfriend and I had not been trying but despite the fact that I was nervous I was excited too. I have always loved children and my boyfriend does too. I was at lunch the next day talking to my best freind about all the fun we would having buying baby clothes and taking him/her to the park and zoo. I got up to go to the bathroom and my panties were covered in blood. I got realy scared and called my doctor. They told me that it was normal to have some bleeding early on in a pregnancy. After a few hours, I had gone through 2 pads and was having reallly bad cpramps so I called the doctor again. They told to me to go back to the ER. They drew blood and did an abdominal and vaginal ultrasound. They couldn't find my baby. They told me the gestiational sac was empty. I was so devastated. A day before, I would have given anything to not be pregnant and at that moment all I wanted was that tiny life to be back inside of me. I cried all night and even though my boyfriend has been amazing through all of this I feel so lost. No one knows what to say to me and nothing they do makes me feel any better.

leah

my little boy

My pregnancy was going very well. We started triing to conceive and it happened probley on the first try. I was so excited because I already have a boy and 2 girls and was triing for another boy. Well I got my wish at 18 weeks we found out he is a boy and me and my husband and children were very happy and then they told me. My son tested postive for Spinal Bibida and we were devastated but, was gonna have him and deal with the issues that may come up. A few days later we went for another scan and they told me He has a knot on his head and his bones are not developing right. They call it Abnormal Fetal Head. I lost it. They gave him a 100% none survival rate. I am 20 weeks now and he is still growing and moving around inside me. I am glad to still get to feel him growing and moving but, know soon his heart may stop and I will lose him forever. I am glad we have time to prepare. I am having a hard time with this though because they told me to plan his funeral before he has even passed. I hope you all the best and I know my little boy will be an angel and watching over us.

JoEllen