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lost angels

I feel that it is necessary for me to share my story with all the grieving mothers out there. Perhaps my story can offer a ray of hope for you in your lowest moments. I became pregnant for the first time when I was only 19 yrs old. I had always had irregular menstral periods and thought that becoming pregnant would be almost impossible. However, one night I felt an overpowering urge to take a HPT. It was positive. At first I couldn't believe it, but then I became ecstatic. I was pregnant. I was scheduled for a Dr's appointment at 12 weeks. While wating at the office to get my US scan, I began to bleed. The US confirmed that my baby had been dead for 2 weeks. I was devastated. I was told to go home and let nature take its course. I bleed heavily and was in excruciating pain for 2 days. I passed the baby on my own and required no further medical interventions. I couldn't understand why this happened to me. I felt as if all my hopes and dreams of motherhood were viciously ripped from me. Eventually, I moved on and began to think about becoming pregnant again. 6 months later, I was pregnant again. I prayed daily that everything would be fine. Again at 12 weeks while at work, I began to bleed slightly. Not willing to take any chances, I immediatly went to the ER. The US showed that I had a sack in my abdomen but no baby. The Dr said that the baby had reabsorbed back into my body. Again I was sent home and naturally miscarried the sack. I felt all my dreams of motherhood slipping away from me. I became depressed. My method of coping with the loss was to turn to alcohol. My partner and I began to spend less and less time together. Most of my free time was spent drinking and partying with friends. I decided that I would wait a while before trying to beome pregnant again. I needed a break from all the heartache. Amazingly, 3 months later I was pregnant again. I was so scared. I didn't want to let myself believe that this pregnancy would be any different. I decided to see a better DR. He was sort of a specialist of pregnancy. After my first visit, he decided that at 7 weeks pregnant, I would start progesterone injections top try and help sustain the pregnancy. Each day was a struggle for me emotionally. At each appointment, I would hold my breath until the Dr confirmed that everything looked good. Nine months later I became the proud mother of a 7lb6oz baby boy. He was perfectly healthy. I couldn't believe it, I was finally a mother. Worry and fear clouded my brain throughout the whole preganacy and never left until I held my son for the first time. My son is now 5 years old and doing great. Sometimes, I still find it hard to believe that he is truly mine. Presently, I am about 11 weeks pregnant. The first time since my son was born 5 yrs ago. I am clouded with the fear now as I was then. I feel that my pregnancy future is uncertain and am afraid to hope too much right now. At 9 weeks the US showed a healthy heart beat and the baby was moving everywhere. Still I worry. I have had slight cramping since the pregnancy began but the DR says everything is OK. I can only pray that god will watch over my little bundle of joy. The point of my story ladies is this: Never give up hope because your joy could be just around the corner and you'll never know unless you try. Good luck and God bless to every one.

i've had 2 miscarriage's

hay i just wanted to share some things of how i have coped with having 2 miscarriage's. it has been a hard 2 years for me because i have wanted to have a baby for so long..and when i finally got pregnant i was so delighted just like anyone else would be. i was only 2 weeks when i found out i was pregnant and i couldn't wait to tell every 1 but when i was due in for my first scan i was getting so nervous. i arrived at the hospital and was broughted in to see my baby on the screen but then i was told my baby died at just 13 weeks. i was devistated and couldn't understand why me?
so i got pregnant this year and the samething. i was delighted but fell very sick so i was brought into hospital. i was dehydrated i had protien in my urine and i had high blood pressure so i was kept for monitering because i was only 11 weeks and i shouldnt have high blood pressure this early.
it was too early and then on thursday i was getting period cramps and some spotting so i told the nurse. she tried to reasure me everything was going to be ok but as the evening went by the pains got stronger and the blood got heavier and it was happening all over again. i went into toilet and passed it. it has been 5 weeks since i lost it and i'm longing for another so bad. i was told i had fibroids on my uthrus about 2mm, that could have been the cause who knows... it is just very common now when i had my 1st misscarriage i heard of loads of people having them. its so sad and i lie thinking what i could have done to prevent it, but there is no point in beating yourself up about it. it is just a way of god saying now isn't the right time..
i hope my story has been help full to some people love catherinexx

catherine

Believing for another miracle

I am 36. I have three boys ages 14, 12 and 7. I was pretty wild when I was younger, and all three of my boys were conceived out of wed lock. I had never had a miscarriage and I guess I thought it wouldn't happen to me. I changed my life around, gave my life to The Lord and became a member of a local church where I met my husband. We were married two years ago. He didn't have any biological children and we couldn't wait to have children of our own under the covenant of marriage.
We tried for two years to get pregnant. Then on March 25th, I found out I was pregnant. This pregnancy was NOT like my other three, as I barely felt pregnant. I only took a test because I was late and I am never late. I just figured that this one was different, and my husband and I rejoiced at our much awaited miracle. We told EVERYONE and were sooo excited. Last Saturday, when I was 6 weeks along, I began to spot. I was soooo afraid! I hadn't had any spotting with my other pregnancies and I was terrified. I couldn't fathom losing this baby...not after two years of trying. But as much as I didn't want that to happen, that is what happened. I bled heavier and heavier and by the next day I knew our miracle was gone. The Dr.s office said I didn't need to come in, since we had no insurance, unless I was showing signs of infection, etc.
This has been one of the longest, hardest weeks of my life. I do not understand WHY? I keep asking God WHY did this happen? I believe there was something wrong with the baby from the beginning, as I barely had symptoms and just didn't feel pregnant like I did with my other three, but I don't understand why this had to happen to us?
I want to try again right away, but then I don't. I am soo afraid now. I don't think I could live through this again yet I cannot allow myself to live in fear.
The devil stole my baby but I refuse to let him steal my hope. I will continue to believe there is a healthy baby waiting for us in the future.
My heart goes out to each and every one of you that has experienced a loss. The pain cannot be described. You are in my prayers.
We will keep trying until our dream comes to pass.
Love to you all.

Shelli

Spontaneous Miscarriage

I tested positive when using home pregnancy test on 30/3 and happily shared this news to my hubby. He/she is our first child and we wait eagerly to have our OB visit.

we scheduled our visit for 10/4 but on 9/4, i started to have slight red bleeding in the afternoon. I called my hubby and we went straight to another OB clinic. I had some scanning and i did see the sac, abt 6mm according to the doc. The doc gave me an injection and oral medication which was suppose to stop the bleeding. Unfortunately, i'm bleeding more heavily, period-like with some clots-tissues thingy passed out everytime i went to toilet.

Slight cramping at night and we crossed our fingers that the worst had not happened. Next morning, the bleeding didn't subside, and we made another visit to the OB. Another scanning done and this time we didn't see the sac anymore. I can't believe it and Doc confirmed i'd had miscarriage.

He said i shld go for D&C and arrange the necessary procedures to get me admitted. I called my cousin who's a doc also and he asked me to get 2nd opinion.

We went back to the OB clinic where my initial appointment should have been held and the Doc gave me a full check-up and confirmed she can't see anything inside my womb. She prescribed some oral medicine which can help to clean the remaining pregnacy tissues out from my body.

This they called spontaneous miscarriage which happens naturally and I do not necessary need to go for D&C as our body will automatically expelled the remaining. It's like having a heavier period.

Nothing much can be done to prevent this as this is the natural process of our body rejecting defect embryo.

For all women on the same boat with me, i understand your feeling, just be tough as the baby will come back to us one day..maybe with a few brothers and sisters together.

OTJi

pregnancy loss

I am or was 22 weeks pregnant. My first baby. I was so excited I quit smoking, drinking, ate healthy I followed all my books, advice and took folic acid. I found out at 20weeks that I was pregnant so it had come as a shock but a nice suprise. Me and my partner were over the moon. I started my baby diary and I had planned the names. We told everybody our news- at 22weeks I thought it was pretty safe to tell everybody- even strangers in the que at asda (I've had no bleeding or anything). My bump was noticble and my body changed, I was so happy. It was our scan day when I found out. Our first scan, thats when they told me the fetus had come away and I was to expect a miscarrige. I couldn't believe it. I just thought I was to have a photo and see him/her waving on the screen. I just couldnt believe what they told me. It made sense because a few days before the midwife couldn't find the heart beat which you should be able to easy at 22weeks! She just said he was hiding. Now they've sent me home and I have to wait for nature to take over- either that or I can have a pill to start the contractions or a medical termination. I am so confused. My partner is just taking drugs, fighting, drinking, hes not here for me. he says I'm selfish and that I'm attention seeking. I just dont think I can cope. I keep wondering if I'm being punished for things in the past. I'm 19 and I didn't expect to be going through something like this. its one of those things that so bad you think it'd never happen to you. Danielle

Danielle