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can't admit defeat

Ok I don’t know if I lost my baby...I am currently 11 weeks pregnant. But I have been bleeding heavy for the last week. This week was the worst though cause chunks came out...So I don’t know.

I am extremely scared to go to the hospital because I don’t want them to take it out of me. I want a baby so bad. I am not bleeding right now. So I don’t know what to do next.

I called my ob/gyn and told her what happened but not the severity of it. I am going to wait it out.


alexis

Missed Miscarriage

The day I found out I was pregnant was the most shocking but exciting day of what I thought to be the rest of my life. I had told my partner and was thinking about all of the good things.

That same week I experienced bleeding and went to the ER. The doctor checked me over and recommended that I go for a scan ASAP. So I did, the doc did an internal examination and found my baby, it was very tiny and she could only just make it out, it was recommended that I return for another scan in 2weeks.

Once again I did, it was Fri13 and I had the strangest feeling all over my body; I knew something was wrong but was hoping it was just I being silly. I went in for the scan and once again it was internal, the midwife could see everything there apart from the heartbeat.

Then came the words no woman wishes to hear...I’m so sorry but it doesn’t look good.... my heart sank, I froze and just cried. The consultant wrote up the notes stating I had encountered a missed miscarriage. The baby had been dead 3 weeks. This was obviously wrong because I had a scan 2weeks earlier and all was ok.

They have given me 2 weeks to miscarry naturally otherwise I would have had to have a D&C.

Since the 13/04/07 nothing has changed, no bleeding, no cramps etc. Everyday I wake hoping it will happen so I can move on with my life it has now been 4days since I found out I will indeed miscarry and still nothing...I'm going out of my mind with worry and stress, I want it to happen naturally and I want to be able to move on.

Why is my body not rejecting the fetus?


KIrsty

Miscarried Baby Girl

During my 16th week, I miscarried my baby girl. I feel so empty inside and emotional scarred. I lost her a week before my scheduled ultrasound.

My doctor said if I knew that I had a weak cervix, then he would have did a cervical cerclage at 12 weeks. This was my first pregnancy, How was I to know? He is the one with the medical degree; should I blame him for my loss?

I'm totally devastated!!!


Shannon

Baby at 12

Hey yall. I have decided to share my story here goes: I was 12 years old and very interested in new things!! And my mom has been on drugs since I was a baby and she really doesn’t care what I do, so one night me and my boyfriend Mikey decided it was time.

We had been going out for a year now and I thought I didn’t need to use protection. He was 16 I was 12, and after we did that that whole week I did nothing but throw everything up I ate. It was horrible, and then my little sister Priscilla asked me if I was pregnant and I said no. So I went and got a pregnancy test and I was. So I told my mom and she didn’t really care.

I was about 2 months when I went for my ultrasound and they said that the baby was not alive. I was so devastated, finally I had to deliver it that was so hard. After that I did nothing but get in trouble with the law and now I am 16 years old and I am in foster care and I am about to move to Australia with my father who I haven’t seen in 5 years.

Me and Mikey broke up about a year ago. And I have a new boyfriend now named Caleb and we are planning on getting engaged after high school and planning on having a baby. That is my story for all yall young girls please just wait; don’t be in such a rush to grow up.


Elizabeth

Keeping the faith

Well first of all I'd like to let Kym know how sorry I am to hear about her loss. It certainly is a very heartbreaking story, but she is an inspiration to many of us who have suffered the pain she is enduring. Thank you Kym for your story and I hope that the future holds a healthy & happy baby for you and your partner.

I'll start with my story now. I hope that this brings some closure to myself and maybe even some understanding for others in the same situation.

I'm 24 and in the past few months I'd been thinking about having a family. 6 months ago I had an abortion. I didn't want to do it but felt I had no choice in my situation. Since that day I realised that I wanted to have a baby. My partner didn't want me to abort, though family pressure got too much and I did. I'd been suffering from mild depression since then and had been having trouble with my pill since.

About 6 weeks ago I did a pregnancy test just to rule it out. It came back positive. I immediately made a doctor appointment to confirm. I'd already made up my mind and regardless of what any one else felt, wanted or thought, this baby was ours and I was going to go through with the pregnancy. Of course I felt the initial fears, and shock & all the emotions you feel when you just find out your pregnant. I wasn't trying to become pregnant; I was on the pill. A second abortion seemed like an option & I got so angry with myself for even letting it cross my mind.

So the week I found out I was pregnant we went on a holiday. During this holiday we told our families, who naturally were all rapped to here the news. We've been together off & on for about 6 years and it seemed as though our future was now going to be set in stone - we even discussed marriage! (Which is still on the cards). While we were away I bought a few things, but couldn't get overly excited about being pregnant. For some reason I think I knew that something wasn't right. I kept saying to my partner "I just don't feel right" I'd had most of early pregnancy symptoms, nausea, headaches, tiredness, moodiness, so having those kept my mind straight.

So back from holidays & I thought I book for a scan thinking I'd be further along. The day cam and I was really excited thinking I'd be seeing a little baby on the screen. I took my mum with me as my partner had already arranged some work. The waiting with a full bladder was terrible. The scan didn't reveal much but it showed that I was about 5 weeks pregnant. I was a bit unsure of those dates because it had been about 8 weeks since I'd done a test. But I trusted the scan and didn't think much else of it, plus she said that every thing looked normal for that stage of pregnancy.

Two days later, Good Friday, I woke early and started to do some housework. I had some light cramping which I thought was normal for that stage of pregnancy. Through the day it started to intensify and that's when I started to get a bit worried. So I rested and thought that if it got worse or I notice some bleeding I'd ring the hospital. A few hours later I went to the loo and sure enough I noticed some light spotting. I knew that bleeding wasn't a good sign but I continued to rest until I thought I should go to the hospital. By about 1pm I was really concerned and got my partner to take me straight to the hospital.

I stayed there for a while, the cramps got a little worse and the backache was getting ridiculous. I stayed for about and hour and a half and then we went home. I got home and went to the toilet a little while later; during this time I must have passed the tissue. As soon as I seen it I knew what it was. I was horrified to see it & I sat on the toilet for about 5 minutes just bawling. Then a sense of calmness washed over me. I knew I had to get back to the hospital. I rang my mum & she drove me.

I didn't cry again until after the doctor confirmed it. I knew there was something wrong because I felt so light in my stomach & the cramping & backache had eased considerably. I thought they'd keep me in over night but I was glad they didn't cos I couldn't have stood being in there alone. I needed my partner.

I cried myself to sleep that night. The next day I faced his family and it was terrible. His mum, who I share a great relationship with, was like "oh well you'll be able to try again". I was just gob smacked that she said that. I thought she'd have a little more compassion than that. Her daughter is pregnant about 28 weeks and that made me feel like a complete and utter looser. I couldn't carry a baby and she could. I couldn't even stand being in the same room as her, and she is and has been a very good friend since I started dating her brother.

I've felt the emptiness before from the previous couple of months. But this was different - the feeling of not being able to carry my baby made me feel terrible. I'm trying my hardest not to let this ruin my life. I know that it is possible after miscarriage to have healthy pregnancies, but sometimes that just isn't enough. And the unanswerable questions are endless. I don't think I've had a situation where there haven't been any answers. I know I'll never know and I'll accept it for what it is one day but it is just hard to get past those questions. My partner has been great in supporting me. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't.

So it's been a week now - today actually - since it happened. It feels like it has just dragged on for a long time. I went for my check-up and the miscarriage was complete. We've done the dreaded thing of telling our family about what has happened and that in it self was so difficult. The doctor told me I need to give myself some time to get over the last six months and I plan on doing that - but I'm very excited about the future. Some times I feel that is wrong but I would love to have a baby & to feel the joys of creating a new little life.

I hope that this is okay, I don't want to read it because I'll probably change it fifteen times. I think the first one is the best - it has more feeling. So thank you for the chance to write this down. I do feel better after doing it. I know that it will be a slow recovery emotionally and I need to take it one day at a time, I guess it is such a shame to be feeling these feelings. But I’ll keep the faith and pray that I can get through this & that all the women who've experienced it can get through it too.

God Bless


Nicole